My ex smokes in front of my daughters...advice?

Acc72

MariaKaria wrote: »

I'm very concerned for my daughters health, I find it incredibly selfish making his own daughters live and sleep in a space being constantly smoked in,

obviously his comfort is more important to him than their health,

do I have the right to stop them staying with him?

Did your ex smoke when you were together ? - did you mind him smoking then ?

Although I do not know anything about your situation, it looks unfair to make the comment that his "comfort is more important than their health".

Your ex sees his daughter 1 or 2 nights a week and you want to stop them seeing him altogether ?

The next time you drop the children off or he drops them off why not actually talk to him ? You could ask that he airs his bedsit or opens the window when he smokes etc.

I await the usual type of response to these questions that seem to go against the man whatever the situation.

halibut2209

It's not just you Maria.

I see it a lot here and it's one of my pet hates. People who have been with their partners for years, then continually slag them off when they have split, calling them names etc. It's very immature

puddy

Acc72 wrote: »

Did your ex smoke when you were together ? - did you mind him smoking then ?

Although I do not know anything about your situation, it looks unfair to make the comment that his "comfort is more important than their health".

Your ex sees his daughter 1 or 2 nights a week and you want to stop them seeing him altogether ?

The next time you drop the children off or he drops them off why not actually talk to him ? You could ask that he airs his bedsit or opens the window when he smokes etc.

I await the usual type of response to these questions that seem to go against the man whatever the situation.

where do you get the impression that she wants the children to stop seeing him? i thought she wanted the children to see him in a healthy smoke free environment

princessdreamer

He smokes, smoking is legal nothing you can do.

MariaKaria

Acc72 wrote: »

Did your ex smoke when you were together ? - did you mind him smoking then ?

Although I do not know anything about your situation, it looks unfair to make the comment that his "comfort is more important than their health".

Your ex sees his daughter 1 or 2 nights a week and you want to stop them seeing him altogether ?

The next time you drop the children off or he drops them off why not actually talk to him ? You could ask that he airs his bedsit or opens the window when he smokes etc.

I await the usual type of response to these questions that seem to go against the man whatever the situation.

Yes, he has always smoked but away from the kids when we were together, since seperating I'm obviously not living there to say something.
I would never try to stop him seeing the girls altoghether, when I say stop him having them to stay I mean them not sleeping over there, he is more than welcome to collect them as usual and take them out for the day(s) as he normally would but then bring them home on the evening.

I have tried talking to him numerous times about it, he denies it a lot, occassionally will admit doing it once or twice and says he won't in future (which lasts no more than 2 weeks), then he's back to full time smoking around them again.

I'm not trying to go against men whatever the situation, he can be a great father and I know he loves his daughters, I just feel the smoking situation is totally unfair!

MariaKaria

puddy wrote: »

where do you get the impression that she wants the children to stop seeing him? i thought she wanted the children to see him in a healthy smoke free environment

Thank you, thats exactly what I am saying

MariaKaria

halibut2209 wrote: »

It's not just you Maria.

I see it a lot here and it's one of my pet hates. People who have been with their partners for years, then continually slag them off when they have split, calling them names etc. It's very immature

I'm not slagging him off, or calling him names! if you read my posts properly I have said he is a great father in lots of ways and I'm not trying to stop him seeing his children!, I'm saying that constantly smoking around children is not being responsible, I don't think for 1 or 2 days a week its asking too much of him to go into another room to smoke.

halibut2209

"just because our irresponsible ex-partners choose to exist in their smoke/drug filled hole....er flat "

It's that sort of comment

MariaKaria

Are you saying that heavily smoking around your 2 children in a small space where they live, eat, sleep etc without even opening a door or window to air the place out is perfectly ok?

puddy

well i would see that as a bit of banter with another poster who is having similar problems

the fact is she is not being unreasonable to want her kids to be able to breath fresh air AND be able to see their dad. if she has tried discussing with him and he hasnt responded by suggesting a compromise then she's sort of at a stalemate and expressing frustration on a web forum, cut her some slack she doesnt sound remotely like a man/father hating shrew, unlike many on this site who seem to manufacture all sorts of reasons why their OH cant see his own kids

I am particularly able to sniff these sorts of mums out as i too feel very angry at the way some fathers are treated. however in this case, dad really needs to think about the environment he is caring for his kids in, thats not too much to ask is it?