Wedding guest advice

coolcait

I'm another one whose cultural (and generational) background says 'wear a buttonhole to a wedding'. And 'buy your own, if you're a guest'.

I'd never recognised it as a potential etiquette minefield before :eek::D.

And, I am utterly boggled by the idea that buttonholes play such a key part in identifying the 'key players' in a wedding.

Even if you're just passing by a church where a wedding is taking place, you can usually spot the bridal party from a distance - buttonholes or no buttonholes...

purple.sarah

coolcait wrote: »

I'm another one whose cultural (and generational) background says 'wear a buttonhole to a wedding'. And 'buy your own, if you're a guest'.

I'd never recognised it as a potential etiquette minefield before :eek::D.

And, I am utterly boggled by the idea that buttonholes play such a key part in identifying the 'key players' in a wedding.

Even if you're just passing by a church where a wedding is taking place, you can usually spot the bridal party from a distance - buttonholes or no buttonholes...

As the tradition to wear buttonholes became less common or to cut costs, buttonholes were often only given to 'key players'. While someone wearing a buttonhole at a wedding where no one else is except the bridal party might not be mistaken for an attendant, it might seem as if they want to be, like a friend who didn't get to be a bridesmaid wearing the same style and colour dress.

bratz81

I would be really annoyed if anyone who's not in the bridal party arrives at my wedding wearing a buttonhole - I think it's rude to do so. I've told h2b that I will expect him to spread the word among his family that no one is to do this. Thankfully no one in my family will do it as we all have the same opinion.

The last wedding I was at, mil2b made buttonholes for herself, her husband and her sons + gfs/wives. I didn't wear mine as I explained to her I thought it was rude, neither did h2b, or her other son's wife who also thought it was rude. Was basically mil2b and her husband (who was made to wear his bless!). The bride (who is h2b's cousin) was pretty angry with mil2b as they clashed with her scheme and also the bride understandably wanted the bridal party to stand out with buttonholes.

But then, mil2b is insisting on wearing all white to our wedding so I do wonder if she has any manners sometimes.

Idiophreak

If you're worrying about who's wearing buttonholes or not on your wedding day, you've real problems...

shellsuit

bratz81 wrote: »

I would be really annoyed if anyone who's not in the bridal party arrives at my wedding wearing a buttonhole - I think it's rude to do so. I've told h2b that I will expect him to spread the word among his family that no one is to do this. Thankfully no one in my family will do it as we all have the same opinion.

The last wedding I was at, mil2b made buttonholes for herself, her husband and her sons + gfs/wives. I didn't wear mine as I explained to her I thought it was rude, neither did h2b, or her other son's wife who also thought it was rude. Was basically mil2b and her husband (who was made to wear his bless!). The bride (who is h2b's cousin) was pretty angry with mil2b as they clashed with her scheme and also the bride understandably wanted the bridal party to stand out with buttonholes.

But then, mil2b is insisting on wearing all white to our wedding so I do wonder if she has any manners sometimes.

Can I ask why you consider it rude?

Would you think the same way if someone arrived with a flower in their hair or they were wearing a corsage?

Kaye1

bratz81 wrote: »

I would be really annoyed if anyone who's not in the bridal party arrives at my wedding wearing a buttonhole - I think it's rude to do so. I've told h2b that I will expect him to spread the word among his family that no one is to do this. Thankfully no one in my family will do it as we all have the same opinion.

The last wedding I was at, mil2b made buttonholes for herself, her husband and her sons + gfs/wives. I didn't wear mine as I explained to her I thought it was rude, neither did h2b, or her other son's wife who also thought it was rude. Was basically mil2b and her husband (who was made to wear his bless!). The bride (who is h2b's cousin) was pretty angry with mil2b as they clashed with her scheme and also the bride understandably wanted the bridal party to stand out with buttonholes.

But then, mil2b is insisting on wearing all white to our wedding so I do wonder if she has any manners sometimes.

Gobsmacked at this.

So if I had a plain cream jacket that I wanted to jazz up for a wedding (can't afford a new one) you would be annoyed that I put flowers on it?

The bride you mention was 'pretty angry,' is the rude one in my opinion! I had someone turn up to my wedding is a bright pink outfit, matching cowboy hat and pink corsage. Couldn't give two hoots- she had travelled a long way and I had INVITED her, so I was just glad to see her.

I think sometimes brides 'micro-manage,' and should just enjoy the day.

bratz81

you guys may think it's rude of the angry bride, or me, but that's your opinion.
It's well known that people spend money on flowers for the venue and bridal party, and it's assumed rude in my area for people to burst in on that by wearing a buttonhole or corsage. If you're not in the bridal party you don't get flowers, simple as.

shellsuit

bratz81 wrote: »

you guys may think it's rude of the angry bride, or me, but that's your opinion.
It's well known that people spend money on flowers for the venue and bridal party, and it's assumed rude in my area for people to burst in on that by wearing a buttonhole or corsage. If you're not in the bridal party you don't get flowers, simple as.

We never spent a penny on flowers for our venue and I've been to wedding where the only people who had/wore flowers were the bride and groom.

You still haven't explained why it's rude for someone to wear a buttonhole or corsage though when a corsage just is a way of tarting up an outfit, like a piece of jewellery is.

bratz81

I did explain why it's rude - where I'm from only the bridal party wear them. Anyone else wearing them is trying to insert themselves into the bridal party, or detract from the 'key players'. That's why it's rude.
A corsage or buttonhole may be a way of tarting up an outfit, but not at a wedding in my opinion. And why should you need to 'tart up' an outfit, if it's nice it doesn't need a corsage or buttonhole.

Queen_B_3

I've been to quite a few weddings over the past 10 years and I've always worn a buttonhole. I'm quite astounded that by doing so it considered that you are trying to be part of the bridal party, since when did a wedding come about showing people who is who in a bridal party and who is merely a guest?

As for wearing black my sister in law wore a black dress to my wedding, she asked me if it was alright before hand and said that she couldn't find anything else. I couldn't give a hoot what my guests were wearing as long as they were there and having a good time. I infact found the question embarrassing and created an uncomfortable situation.

It might be the brides day but why do brides think they have the right to dictate to guests?

I will continue to wear a buttonhole to any future weddings I attend.