Wedding guest advice

Torry_Quine

I really don't think you need to wear a button hole if you don't want to. As to wearing back I personally do think that it's inappropriate as is wearing white.

LEJC

its probably fair to say that everyone has an opinion one way or another on the issue of buttonholes and wearing black....and I respect that my view whilst shared by some wont be shared by others....
I really do think its a generation thing and possibly even a regional thing too...over the years I've heard that the irish do tend to opt for the button hole and that seems to have been voiced here too...

Perhaps the answer is to clarify with the bride whether she is happy for black to be worn or minds if you wear a button hole...that way no one gets offended....afterall it is her day...

Im quite a tolerant person...but it was possibly the only real bridezilla moment I had...it wasnt so much that the guests had worn their own flowers ...more that someone had chosen to allocate certain flowers to certain guests as if to show whos clan they represented! and to me it wasnt about proving whos side of the family you belonged to it was about me and my husband marrying ....the fact that I didnt like the choice or colour was a secondary issue...

18 years later and I can report that the MIL and I have a reasonable relationship....but she still hasnt ever handed over a buttonhole for me to wear at any wedding that we've jointly attended!

sammy_wheeler

i wasnt calm about it either- it was the night before my wedding at i was up til 2am being really upset and angry about it- and the same on my wedding morning. i am still not over it tbh!
and it was the only bridezilla moment i had
i would never ever go and wear a button hole and i completly dont agree with guests doing it- and i certainltly wont be doing it to hubby sisters wedding in october and hubbys brothers in jan- no way!

seafarers_wife

sammy im annoyed that family members i provided with button holes didnt wear them! and its not like they were cheap either, they were carefully chosen by my mum and florist to ensure no member of the family felt left out, although i wish i hadnt bothered now as 4 of them turned their hog out at them.

i havent been to many weddings, but as far as i was aware it was the wedding party that wore buttonholes that the bride and groom provided.

defo wear the black shrug, black is no longer a funeral colour and as long as you arent all in black then you will be fine with it.

Torry_Quine

seafarers_wife wrote: »

defo wear the black shrug, black is no longer a funeral colour and as long as you arent all in black then you will be fine with it.

I have to disagree here, black is still very much a funeral colour. Only last week I was at a funeral and black was definitely the dominant colour and if not certainly very dark. If anyone had been in anything else they would have stood out

sammy_wheeler

seafarers_wife wrote: »

i havent been to many weddings, but as far as i was aware it was the wedding party that wore buttonholes that the bride and groom provided.

QUOTE]
as i mentioned i have never ever heard of guests wearing them-its just the bridal party (groom, best man etc) rather than everyone- otherwise how does anyone know who the 'important' roles are.
lets agree to disagree

LEJC

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I have to disagree here, black is still very much a funeral colour. Only last week I was at a funeral and black was definitely the dominant colour and if not certainly very dark. If anyone had been in anything else they would have stood out

The last couple of funerals Ive been to we were asked not to wear black...again I think its a way of demonstrating how times and attitudes are changing...one of the funerals I attended was very much a celebration of life rather than a "traditional "black and mournful occaision

Torry_Quine

LEJC wrote: »

The last couple of funerals Ive been to we were asked not to wear black...again I think its a way of demonstrating how times and attitudes are changing...one of the funerals I attended was very much a celebration of life rather than a "traditional "black and mournful occaision

If you are asked to wear/ not wear a certain colour then that is very different. This time nothing was said and everyone knew without being told what was appropriate.

nearlyrich

Funny we always wear a buttonhole to weddings, not to clash with the bridal party or to try to sneak in where we are not wanted LOL, it's traditional.

I think way back when people didn't go out and spend a fortune on a new outfit it dressed up your good frock or coat for a special occasion.

I personally wouldn't wear black to a wedding but it doesn't look out of place these days I would draw the line at someone wearing white.

LEJC

So many times on the wedding board the advice given to brides is "its your day...do it how you would want" and I think that rings very true here

I know exactly how Sammy felt about her buttonholes...my similar situation has been documented in the thread too...
Seafarers I feel very sorry that some of your guests wouldnt wear the button hole you provided and feel that they have not respected YOUR wish...given the situation as a guest at your wedding I would happily have complied with your request....the difference being the request has come from you as the bride rather than another member of the wedding party as in my case and I believe also in Sammys situation

Similarly Torry...if im invited to your wedding and you ask me not to wear black then I would happily oblige...to me I'd personally rather see a nice fitting and flattering black dress on a guest than a brightly coloured ill fitting ensemble but as I said thats personal preference...

I guess the moral of this thread is ...if in doubt check with the bride...afterall its her day....