Wedding guest advice

kleapatra

Hi lovely wedding people, thought you would be the perfect people to answer some wedding questions for me!
I'm going to a family wedding tomorrow and me and my mum are having some disagreements. She says we HAVE to wear buttonholes yet both me and my boyfriend have never worn one to a wedding. I just trawled through countless friends wedding photos on facebook and no one other than the groom, best man and ushers seem to be wearing them. She says we'll look stupid if we don't wear one and she has never been to a wedding where everyone isn't wearing one - who's right??!
Also I want to wear a black shrug but again she says I can't wear black to a wedding. My dress has black in it but is mainly other colours and I won't be wearing any other black accessories. I can wear a black shrug surely?

Thanks in advance for your help!

White_Sapphire

Hi kleapatra!

The last time I wore a buttonhole to a wedding as a guest was in about 1990! No wedding I have been to in the last 20 years has had anyone other than the wedding party wear buttonholes. I have however heard of traditions in families where everyone will wear a buttonhole, but it's not expected as a general rule of weddings. Try calling the groom (not the bride - she'll probably be trying to do a million things at once at the moment!) or another guest that you know well and ask whether guests are expected to wear them. I suspect that the answer will be no.

As for the black - it used to be frowned upon, but more people wear black to weddings now, so you should be fine. I think if you were to wear all black you would look a little funereal, but if there's colour in the dress then I don't see a problem. My best friend's mother wore black as the Mother of the Bride a few years ago (with a little colour) and looked lovely.

Have a great time!

shellsuit

At my wedding last year we supplied everyone at the ceremony with a buttonhole as my Dad thought everyone should have one.

Nowadays guests don't have to wear their own, maybe your Mum's just thinking of the past where they normally did all wear one.

I wouldn't go out of my way to get one, if the bride and groom want everyone to wear one, they'll be there waiting for you.

As for the black shrug, go ahead and wear it! Nothing wrong with wearing black to a wedding these days.

Hollie84

Usually just the main people wear button holes E.G groom,best man,father of the bride etc not the guests unless the bride and groom want to provide them for everyone to wear.and yes u can wear a black shrug

RainbowDrops

I've never heard of guests wearing a buttonhole - to me it would seem like they're trying to be part of the wedding party.

As for black, the shrug is fine, as would be wearing all black!

purple.sarah

If there are buttonholes they are supplied by the couple and normally for family or the wedding party not everybody. A bride posted in her wedding recap on here that she was upset her FSIL decided people must have buttonholes so made them herself without asking and they clashed with the colour scheme. As a guest, showing up without a buttonhole would certainly not seem rude and bringing your own could do, as it might clash or look like you're trying to crash the wedding party.

Not wearing black at a wedding is outdated, nowadays there's bound to be somebody in an LBD! Especially as your dress has other colours it will be fine with black shrug! Sounds like your mum needs to relax, don't let her stress you out! Is she a bit insecure around these relatives and anxious to impress by any chance?

jemb

purple.sarah wrote: »

If there are buttonholes they are supplied by the couple and normally for family or the wedding party not everybody. A bride posted in her wedding recap on here that she was upset her FSIL decided people must have buttonholes so made them herself without asking and they clashed with the colour scheme. As a guest, showing up without a buttonhole would certainly not seem rude and bringing your own could do, as it might clash or look like you're trying to crash the wedding party.

Not wearing black at a wedding is outdated, nowadays there's bound to be somebody in an LBD! Especially as your dress has other colours it will be fine with black shrug! Sounds like your mum needs to relax, don't let her stress you out! Is she a bit insecure around these relatives and anxious to impress by any chance?

Think that was Sammy Wheeler?

sammy_wheeler

hi it was me-- i had such a nightmare with hubbys family over this-
i had never ever heard of guests wearing flowers- ever- and the night before the wedding i got a picture from hubbys sister of a horrid plastic thing- i was so upset-
it matched the flowers(well my flowers were real roses- and theres were horrid plastic cheap things!) but it looked like they were all part of the wedding party- which they were Not!
the sister told me that every wedding she had been to ALL guests wear a button hole- i told her straight that i had never ever heard of this, why had no1 asked me about flowers and i knew that my family would not be wearing them as its not normal and they would stick out and look stupid. she ignored me!

i would never turn up as a guest to a wedding with a button hole- i know how much upset it did me the night before and on my wedding day.

i think black is fine to a wedding

aarchk

I think everyone having a buttonhole is a very old tradition, not sure where it came from but suspect it died out when florists started charging £5 a pop for buttonholes and wedding became REALLY expensive. I remember going to many weddings in the 70s and 80s and having a hideous carnation buttonhole. Personally i think your mum is being a little old fashioned and as happened with Sammys wedding she could easily upset the bride. Perhaps you could tell her Sammys story to get her to back down?

I personally do not like wearing anything black to a wedding but it is becoming more common and is no longer frowned upon and I have worn black accessories before. Your dress has other colours in it and I am sure will be fine with a black shrug. I mean its not like you are wearing a floor length black velvet coat is it?

Cezzabelle

havent read the responses but didnt want to read and run

Id be really cheesed off if some one rocked up ,wearing a button hole, to my wedding that I hadnt provided.
We are putting 6 of our male family members (inc groom n BM in suits) and using button holes as a way of identifying the 4 other friends H2B wanted originally as ushers...but we couldnt afford that many suits.
Also black is fine these days!!
have fun x

kirbyca

Wear what you want, its a wedding there are no rules as such!!

Button holes we are just having them for the grooms party, best man etc... no one else!