Real Life MMD: Should my brother get his share of Mum's will?

katecheshire

Wouldn't it be nice if MMD's Mum had this money to enjoy herself while she still can! Perhaps a family meeting would help where perhaps the son could be given the option of paying back the money or stating up front that it could be deducted from his inheritance . My brother was helped with a substantial amount on a house transaction but it was clearly understood by all the family that this will be allowed for in any inheritance. Surely better to clear the air now rather than risk a worse situation later on?

spiderkin

i think it's mean that people are accusing the OP of being greedy. it sounds more like she has a spendthrift brother who is happy to squeeze as much money out of their mother as he can. i'd be especially annoyed if i had a sibling who was determined to get as much cash as possible out of my mum before she died and then sobbed loudly at her funeral totting up their equal share of her assets. for me the principle would be that that sibling hadn't actually loved the mother as much, rather see her as a cash cow.

at no point has the OP says she wants a share of the £5k, and it sounds like the mother has talked over this situation with the OP as the mother obviously wants it back but feels bad asking for what is her own money.

if it were my mother i wouldn't get involved personally - my share of the £5k wouldn't mean that much to me (not that i'm rich! overtime central here to make ends meet) - but if my mum asked my advice then i'd suggest she gave the brother the option of paying it back or being written out of the will.

searchandsaveuk

It would be lovely if your mum gained the money back, your brother lost the guilt and latent worry over the debt (it will be there believe me!) and you at the same time were free of this dilemma.

£5k is a big chunk to pay back in one go - why not suggest it is simply broken down into easily managable sums.

Let's say £20 pw would be a good suggestion?

If a standing order is set up for £83.33 per month from your brother to your mother - he will have the satisfaction of knowing he is paying off his debt, mum will be able to enjoy the extra financial boost each month and you will be able to relax about the whole situation and enjoy your family as a whole once again.

Giving mum a little help as to how best to put the plan into place would I am sure be most welcome.

Good luck

Talent

There really are some idiots where money and family are concerned. Most seem to be on this forum ;-))....
If the will has been published for all to know, the time to sort it out is now. It seems the old dear isn't short of a bit of brass. So the easy way is for her to write off the 5 grand to the chancer and give 5 grand to each of the other 7 siblings now. Simples....

Saynoto23

I think it only fair - and better for the whole family in the future - that you support your mom in making arrangements with your brother to repay the £5K now, before she dies. I understand how worried she must be ... and how cross she would be if it were anyone else but her child ... but it will be very difficult and embarrassing for her to tackle this matter alone particularly as it is her son AND his wife.

At least, if an agreement is achieved then this can be made legally binding and will serve to satisfy all concerned. Your mom can then live (and die!) in peace without the worry of feeling she has been the cause of family disharmony.

essthree

Mum should change her will and leave it all to charity.

It's hers and she can do with it what she likes. No one has a right to inherit. And to be counting her money before she dies, or has given it to you, is wrong.

tenuissent

This is happening in my family and I think it is very important to record all loans against inheritances; and I am the mother! Also we have a second marriage, three adult children each, and it is essential to be fair. One of my adult children has borrowed £20,000 from me to buy a house, and however hard she and her husband work, they cannot yet pay it back and possibly never will. Therefore our will sets out that each of six offspring get an equal share of whatever we leave, but it has to be adjusted to allow for the fact that this daughter has already received £20,000 in advance. I have been in the middle of earlier inheritance rows between my first husband and his brothers, and it is not nice at all. I think we have a responsibility to leave our money to our 6 offspring in such a way that there can be no possible argument or unhappiness.

balewis

Only after everyone else has had £5000.

FrenchDesigner

No-one is greedy here, only the brother. As you get older you DO think about your own death, live with it - in peace hopefully. So mum talked to daughter and possibly other siblings about how things should be "when I go". Eight children, that's potential for arguments, plus in-laws etc. A well-educated child doesn't ask parents for money and if it happens, repays it back. It seems here only one child - possibly the "baby" of the family? has always been treated more softly, taken advantage of the situation with mum/older sisters. Mum knows the money is only an excuse but when she dies, the fact a selfish plonker will get away with it in life again will upset a good half of the siblings whilst the other few will defend him as always like when he was little. You only need a "mum worried you were never kind enough to repay here and that's what killed her!" and the family is split forever.
So best to tackle the issue now. Mum cannot help being soft as always. She would like him to offer to repay it even slowly, because it's the right thing to do, but he doesn't. She knows it's partly her fault due to soft education so doesn't insist. She asks opinion of a kind daughter who looks after her and is not uncaring like her brother.
Best thing is to make mum talk to as many siblings as possible. If they all agree to say-yeah, that's him typical...don't worry mum you brought us all OK. she will be happy. All she wants is love from ALL of you including the prodigal son.
When she's gone though don't hesitate to tell him he's an *bad language of your choice* and now mum's gone we all know what you did,you upset my mum, get out of my life.
It's not the money, it's the principle. See your deserving sibling struggle with money whilst the one who had his share already throws it out of the window must hurt - you're being fair to all eight of you there, good girl.

littlefox_2

Yes, but minus £5000.00 or better still Mum, blow the lot on yourself to relieve all the angst going on before you've even had the decency to pop your clogs.
Nothing wrong with being careful with cash but I do feel that we as a nation are losing all sense of manners, discretion and sensitivity at the first sniff of free cash and its very ugly. I hope my kids dont have these kinds of thoughts