Real Life MMD: Should my brother get his share of Mum's will?

A.Jones

Why not help your mum check her finances for the future. Gas and electric are going up, food is going up, care for the elderly is going up. Is she still able to travel and does she want a decent holiday (or holidays) herself? Get her to check if she can afford these things, she should be able to enjoy her life and her money. If she cannot afford them now or in the future, then she needs to call in her debts soon, especially if one of her debtors owes her a large sum and can afford to pay it.

If you are bothered about it, then let your mum know. It is going to cause friction when she dies if you are bothered about it (either openly or just inside resentment to you). Of course, she has to have the final say so let her decide how she wants to split her money up when she goes. If she is bothered about the money, then she needs to talk to the brother that owes her money. If she is not bothered about it, then live with it. If she talks to him and he says he cannot afford to pay her back when he clearly can, then she can decide what to do about it. Personally, I think she should have the money back now, and let her decide how to spend it.

conkerbrown

Simple solution - your Mum spends the lot on enjoying her own life!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

antonia1

OP:

I don't know much about the law surrounding inheritance, but I feel that the wishes of the person writing the will should be the only thing taken into account. However fair, or otherwise, the your mother's will may be, it is simply her decision to make and not for the you to question.

Your mother's loan to your brother that is a separate issue which should be dealt with by your mother. Perhaps she has decided she would rather lose the £5000 than lose a son. Again, this is entirely her decision to make.

auntie_sal

I think it is entirely up to the OP's mother to sort out maybe she is more worried what her other children will think of her if they are not all treated alike. I have loaned or given money to both of my children, when I have felt they needed help and I would like to believe that when I die they will accept that they each have half of what is left and not argue about what each of them got while I am alive. :exclamati

etruscanshades

Change your will Ma! Leave all your money to a deserving charity, not the kids who are squabbling over your estate while you're still alive.

Fujiko

There is no doubt that inheritance issues can bring out the worst in people, as illustrated by this case. Of course it is nothing to do with you what your mother chooses to do with her own money but do I detect a little sibling rivalry here? Could it be that your brother is her favourite and she is quite happy for him to have the loan in addition to his inheritance? Very often as has been stated in answer to other problems on this site, what is said to be a loan is often in fact a gift, ie the parent doesn't really expect to have it repaid and is quite happy about that. Has anyone else asked her for a loan in the past?
When I read about this kind of problem I think there is a lot to be grateful for if you are an only child!

happyinflorida

Have you spoken to your mum about this loan? How do you know she is bothered about it?
If she seriously is upset he's not paid it back but doesn't dare broach the subject with your bro - then you could have a polite word, letting him know that your mum is upset about this but doesn't feel able to talk about it herself - ask him to talk to her about it. There could be a reason why it hasn't been paid - you never know your mum may have said to him one day, don't worry about it?! These things can sometimes happen.

Don't let this get you down though and do not dwell on it negatively. Family is important. Keeping things ok in the family is more important. Money can cause so many upsets and arguments and be a cause of family falling apart, so don't let it!

If at worst, it doesn't get repaid - never mind. If you're only getting £5K each, it won't mean that the other seven of you will get much more and for the fuss it could cause I wouldn't bother about it - but you can bring it up at a family meeting if you want?! If you have them?! At least then, everyone gets a chance to have their say and feelings aired and then decide what you ALL want to do - as it's important that everyone is involved - as that could cause another problem!!


Anyway, make sure you've made a will too! Good luck!

Hippocrates_2

Good on you for thinking about this while your Mum is still with you - it's too easy to leave these things till it's too late. If it bothers her as you say then you'll be doing her a huge favour to help sort everything out before it potentially causes any family issues when the will is executed. I doubt she'd want that either. Sometimes asking for loans to be repaid can be hard for people, a bit of encouragement might be all she needs.

gropinginthedark

Before pontificating on this MMD look to yourself and your own behaviour. It's inevitable that there will be a lot of scroungers on MSE. Got a loan and can get away with not repaying - go for it. Were you overpaid child tax credit and now don't want to give it back? MSE will tell you how to cheat all the honest folk that pay their taxes and only claim benefits they're entitled to. There are people who act with integrity and there are the rest. Which are you? Have you ever "borrowed" and not repaid? If a bank or shop makes an error in your favour do you point it out or try to get away with it? As it happens exactly that happened to me ealier today, the bill came to £65, my mental arithmetic was expecting £95 so I told him to check. A couple of years ago a post office clerk instead of counting out 5 £5 notes to give me counted out 5 £20s, I passed them back and suggested he try again.

OP says: Mum was taken aback with the request and "doesn't like to ask him about it", but it bothers her.
So she's spoken with OP about it declared that she's unhappy but doesn't feel able to tackle it herself. She is clearly asking for help to resolve the issue. And yes the other beneficiaries would "only" get a few hundred quid extra - but how big is the estate? how well off are they? If everyone's in for £50k then a few hundred either way makes no difference. If care home costs etc were to whittle it down to £5k each then an extra 10%+ might be a big difference to some people and it would be very unfair that one beneficiary effectively got double. It's your job to set Mum's mind at rest. She may be concerned that this issue will end up causing a squabble over the will and she doesn't want that to happen. You have no right to decide on their behalf so consult with the other 6 siblings. If nobody really minds about a few hundred quid then tell Mum it's not a lot of money, you value your love for your brother more than a few hundred quid and you are all in agreement to forget about the loan.
If any of the siblings (no, not a majority, just one is enough) are unhappy with writing it off tackle it now. Don't let the scrounger off. The longer the issue goes unresolved the less likely he is to acknowledge it and the more it will rankle with mum and your siblings. Tackle the guy with straightforward honesty. If he gets upset by being asked to repay a loan or at least to write a note acknowledging the debt such that it can be deducted (with interest) from his share of the estate then he doesn't deserve "not being upset". When I passed my driving test and couldn't afford a car my mum gave me £1000 without me asking, I refused until she said "regard it as a loan". When I'd saved enough I gave her a cheque to repay the loan, she accepted the cheque but never cashed it. If the son argues that the loan was a gift he can do the same, repay by cheque and Mum will have the option of not cashing it.

Myself? I don't like dishonesty. I lent a relative a few grand. Then she got an inheritance of £150k, her hard-working dad's life savings. Didn't repay me but kept well out of my way until she'd blown it all - then: could I lend her £3k to stop her car being repossessed? No. At one point she'd have got a substantial wodge in my will but I don't want my hard earned millions (I wish) frittered away too, others now get most, she gets a token gesture. (And unless she reads this and knows my pseudonym she'll never know.)

DaleN

As far as I understand it, my father made provision for this situation, were it ever to arise in our family, by stating in his will that his estate should be divided equally, then the value of any outstanding loans that might exist be subtracted from each portion. It's not infallable as we brothers could still argue about whether a specific sum had been a loan or a gift, but at least it shows my father's clear intent which was equal division and no outstanding loans being written off. (Actually, I think there is an additional statement that if any one of us owed more than our portion of the equally-divided estate, it would be written off, so nobody ends up having to pay in!)
None of us have any outstanding loans from my Dad at the moment, so it's moot, and hopefully will remain that way!