I'm a bit fed up today. Family are not always a blessing.

aliasojo

I wont go into all the boring details but some family came to see us in the new house we're in.

One family member has always made me feel inferior. I don't think he sets out to do so but he's a very 'in your face' type who knows it all and doesn't bother to find out too much about background before telling you what you should be doing. He's always had high flying career positions, as have his own kids and my brother and I always felt like the black sheep of the family as our only aspirations when growing up were to get the hell out of the family home away from our Dad.

I'm in my late 40's fgs, why does he always put my back up and make me feel bad?! I accept I own my own feelings but I have no clue how to let this person just wash over me?!

I don't see him often thankfully, but when I do, I feel bad for days afterwards. I don't want to fall out or tell him to get lost, I just want to be able to deal with the feelings he invokes in me so that I can dismiss them and he no longer has any effect on me.

Easier said than done.

Anyone else got family who makes them feel low?

seafarers_wife

yup and i tend to ignore them and very very rarely see them as i dont want to waste my time and energy on them as they make me feel like carp when they have no right to do so.

its much easier when said person rubs a couple of family members up that way as then you know your not alone in feeling rubbish when having had an encounter with them.

VfM4meplse

Ok, deep breath ali

aliasojo wrote: »

One family member has always made me feel inferior. I don't think he sets out to do so but he's a very 'in your face' type who knows it all and doesn't bother to find out too much about background before telling you what you should be doing. He's always had high flying career positions, as have his own kids and my brother and I always felt like the black sheep of the family as our only aspirations when growing up were to get the hell out of the family home away from our Dad.

I think he probably does set out to do so, whether he will admit it to himself or not, as a way of dealing with his own insecurities. It's very likely that you won't be the only person to have found his manner unsettling.

aliasojo wrote: »

I'm in my late 40's fgs, why does he always put my back up and make me feel bad?! I accept I own my own feelings but I have no clue how to let this person just wash over me?!

I don't see him often thankfully, but when I do, I feel bad for days afterwards.

People who make you feel bad about yourself need to be avoided. It would be well worth telling your brother that his behaviour has a negative impact on you - w/o getting into a detailed discussion - and ask him to reflect on why before he approaches you again. That should make him do a bit of soulsearching.

Remember that no-one can make you feel bad unless you give them permission to.

lostinrates

aliasojo, how big is he...any chance of squeezing him onot the new washing machine?

aliasojo

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Remember that no-one can make you feel bad unless you give them permission to.

Sorry if I wasn't clear but it's not my brother that I'm talking about, it's actually my uncle. He's always been good at everything he does and has held important positions but I don't think he's too good at reigning his neck in sometimes.

The last part of your comment is something I know is true but I need to work on putting it into practice.

aliasojo

lostinrates wrote: »

aliasojo, how big is he...any chance of squeezing him onot the new washing machine?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Nope, he's a big bloke, much bigger than my superking size duvet. At least his head is.

Teenie_D

You could say in a lighthearted way "oh wind your neck in and stop being so bl00dy pompous! hahaha"

You don't need someone like that around you, I obviously don't know you but having read some of your posts, you sound like a really nice person and don't deserve to feel like that. It doesn't matter if you don't have a high flying career, you have worked hard at what you have got and you should be proud of yourself for it, things are a bit unsettled at the mo but you'll get back on track again!!

VfM4meplse

aliasojo wrote: »

Sorry if I wasn't clear but it's not my brother that I'm talking about, it's actually my uncle.

In that case forget him, or risk hurting his feelings in the interest of your own sanity by pointing out that you are not his responsibility. A relationship with a sibling is worth preserving but the distance of the relationship in this case means you can afford to tell him to butt out.

CH27

Learn to think of him with pity ie he must be so unhappy to be so unpleasant.

The main thing is that you are happy with your life.

thunderbird

What sort of things did he do/say that upset you?

aliasojo

thunderbird wrote: »

What sort of things did he do/say that upset you?

I'd rather not go into specifics if you don't mind. I know it limits the discussion somewhat but some things are too personal.