I'm a bit fed up today. Family are not always a blessing.

sassyblue

CH27 wrote: »

Learn to think of him with pity ie he must be so unhappy to be so unpleasant.
.
The main thing is that you are happy with your life.

Aw aliasjo you were the first person ever to reply and thank me on these boards so l have to respond to you.

Definitely the above!

He must go around annoying people so learn to pity him and laugh at him. There'll be plenty of people thinking like you, what a pompous pr&t he is, a joke if he goes around giving people the benefit of his 'wisdom' without being asked. In lots of cases like this the mouthy people are usually the ones withut confidence.

Make sure when you are in his company you smile sweetly but in your head tell yourself he's a c*ck.

aliasojo

sassyblue wrote: »

Aw aliasjo you were the first person ever to reply and thank me on these boards so l have to respond to you.

Definitely the above!

He must go around annoying people so learn to pity him and laugh at him. There'll be plenty of people thinking like you, what a pompous pr&t he is, a joke if he goes around giving people the benefit of his 'wisdom' without being asked. In lots of cases like this the mouthy people are usually the ones withut confidence.

Make sure when you are in his company you smile sweetly but in your head tell yourself he's a c*ck.

Thank you. :D

See the thing is though, everyone likes him. He's a bigger than life type of character and is the life and soul. He's good at his job and has his fingers in a lot of things. People do go to him for help or advice. It just seems to be me that feels this way about him. It seems easy for him to get on my case because I'm young (to him), I'm not academically minded or career motivated (like his circle are).

I realise that makes it sound as if I'm the lowest denominator therefore the issue must be with me, and I accept maybe I'm 'conditioned' to now feeling like this around him regardless but I don't believe he talks to other family members the way he does with me.

Lucy1973

Yep my **** of a brother. The best thing I did was decide I no longer wanted him in my life a year ago. Best thing I ever did and I feel so much better for it xxx

gratefulforhelp_2

Sounds like pure attention seeking on his part.

What would you do with a child displaying attention seeking behaviour? Same rules apply. x

lostinrates

Lucy1973 wrote: »

The best thing I did was decide I no longer wanted him in my life a year ago. Best thing I ever did and I feel so much better for it xxx

I'm always impressed when people say this. One family member is not in my life ATM....and although its easier on a day to day basis, I don't think it makes me feel ''better''. In fact, lots of times I feel very, very, very sad about it. Despite not liking the person very much I do love them. Feel the same about a nother family memeber...it would be so much easier NOT to be in touch at all but....also a lot harder.

aliasojo

lostinrates wrote: »

I'm always impressed when people say this. One family member is not in my life ATM....and although its easier on a day to day basis, I don't think it makes me feel ''better''. In fact, lots of times I feel very, very, very sad about it. Despite not liking the person very much I do love them. Feel the same about a nother family memeber...it would be so much easier NOT to be in touch at all but....also a lot harder.

Thankfully I don't have the same dilemma. I don't see this person very often, I don't have any strong feelings of love for them, I don't really care about preserving a relationship with them.

I just want to be able to deal with my feelings when I do see them during the odd family visit or function.

I don't envy you lost, I'm sure I would feel worse if I cared about him more.

BlondeHeadOn

aliasojo, what would make you feel an equal to your uncle? What would it take to make an encounter with him feel okay?

Try making a lits of anything you can think of that would help you in your encounters with him.

I did this with a family memeber I fel the same way about - I sat and made a list of things that would make me feel okay about being around her (in this instance, it was a female).

Once I read through my list, I realised that I'd have to change into somebody quite different - and, moreover, someone I really wouldn't like as a person at all! I didn't want to do that. It also made me realise just how much I didn't like the family member, and how energy-suckingly negative I found my encounters with her.

After that, I've had no problem with this family member.

Maybe it will help you, I don't know. But the other obvious thing to do is to avoid encounters with your uncle. If that's what it takes, I would do that! Life is way too short to spend time with energy-sucking people....

awaytogoyet

aliasojo wrote: »

Thank you. :D

See the thing is though, everyone likes him. He's a bigger than life type of character and is the life and soul. He's good at his job and has his fingers in a lot of things. People do go to him for help or advice. It just seems to be me that feels this way about him. It seems easy for him to get on my case because I'm young (to him), I'm not academically minded or career motivated (like his circle are).

I realise that makes it sound as if I'm the lowest denominator therefore the issue must be with me, and I accept maybe I'm 'conditioned' to now feeling like this around him regardless but I don't believe he talks to other family members the way he does with me.

He should be 'big' enough then to realise that life is made up of lots of different people (with different strengths & weaknesses) & if he is judging others purely by their academic & career achievements, then he still has a lot to learn about life! 'Success', 'Achievement' & 'Happiness' mean very many different things to us all - they are not just about money, acquisition, power, numbers of friends... etc. Some of the happiest people I have known lived the simplest lifestyles, free from the burden of 'keeping up with the Jones' & striving to achieve the unattainable.
Be happy in your skin & if others don't like it - tough! You can't please all of the people all of the time & shouldn't even try.

I think you have 2 options:-
Realise he is not a 'Super God', but a mere man with a few hang-ups also & take him with a pinch of salt.
Or, if he still makes you feel uncomfortable - just avoid him totally!

One thing I have learnt is that life really is too short to spend it with people you don't particularly like or make you feel bad about yourself. OMG, if I could go back down the years I'd tell some of the pr*ts I've met in the past just to "b*g off", raher than trying to humour them & then worrying that it was me that had the problem!
Other people may like him (or pretend to!), but you don't & that's what matters. I'd just write him off & who cares what he or anyone else thinks about it.
Spend your time with people you care about & who care about you & whose company you feel good in - we owe that to ourselves.

Lots of luck - you sound very together to me - you'll be fine.

CL

Next time he starts to talk about how great he is/ now he thinks you aren't just smile sweetly and say "Yes we all know how fabulous you are. You do insist on telling us every chance you get." And continue to smile like you just gave him a compliment.

Or do what I started to do with a former work colleague who gave veiled insults. Just laugh and say right into their face "How rude!" And smile and laugh like they are pitiful and stupid.

Any

lostinrates wrote: »

I'm always impressed when people say this. One family member is not in my life ATM....and although its easier on a day to day basis, I don't think it makes me feel ''better''. In fact, lots of times I feel very, very, very sad about it. Despite not liking the person very much I do love them. Feel the same about a nother family memeber...it would be so much easier NOT to be in touch at all but....also a lot harder.

In which case it wasn't bad enough or you are melancholic.
If a person is really really bad you have nothing to feel sad or sorry about.

I cut off contact with one family member and I don't feel sad for it in the slightest. There was nothing good ever coming from that person.
There is another family member, who annoys the hell out of me at times. Like properly, into the point I want to say something like suggested above about the pompous ar**. My sister. But she also has a good side (that some people do not see easily) and so I would be sad if the contact was cut off completely.

OP, from what you say about your uncle and how everyone likes him, I don't think he sets out to upset you or put you down or anything. People with very high levels of confidence and wide knowledge (or believe that is what they have:-)) just do not realise that their "advice" or "comments" can hurt others. They cannot imagine other way of life then theirs and believe that is what everyone strives for. It does not even cross their mind that they might be wrong or insensitive.

If he is that "big" you should be able to tell him that you have chosen your way of life and there is nothing you would want less then his style of life. And that his well meant "advice" is falling on deaf ears not for inability to follow it, but for not wanting to.