Daughters wedding vs DFD

halibut2209

What is LBM? Loose Bowel Movement?

DaisyFlower

I'd stick to your DFD. Your daughter is an adult and if she wants to bring forward the wedding then she does so in the knowledge that she can afford it.

Its already costly enough on guests getting married abroad without factoring in anything else. Has she offered to pay for you to go over?

catkins

I would stick to your DFD. Your daughter and her future husband can pay for their own wedding if they are bringing the date forward.

To be honest if your daughter does know your financial position then I think she is being extremely selfish in having the wedding abroad meaning you will have to pay quite a lot of money to be able to go to it.

claire16c

catkins wrote: »

I would stick to your DFD. Your daughter and her future husband can pay for their own wedding if they are bringing the date forward.

To be honest if your daughter does know your financial position then I think she is being extremely selfish in having the wedding abroad meaning you will have to pay quite a lot of money to be able to go to it.

It sounds like if the wedding was here though, the OP would be using the same £600 to pay for something else though i.e dress. So whatever, shed still be spending every spare penny she had to to give to her daughter.

January20

halibut2209 wrote: »

What is LBM? Loose Bowel Movement?

Light Bulb Moment: the moment you realise how much debt you have and you decide to stop the damage and start repaying seriously.

bikedo

Speaking as someone who's just approaching her first wedding anniversary... I think buying the dress is a lovely and special idea. And if on their first wedding anniversary (or when they buy a next house or have a baby or something) you're in a position to offer some financial aid, I think that would be my preference. We're just about to have our first baby and I can't afford to take as much time off as I would have liked, probably because we spent more than we should on our wedding! So rest assured, if you're able to step in at a later date to help out, it will be just as important and helpful as for a wedding.

HTH

Brighton_belle

claire16c wrote: »

That is true. But the wedding will have been gone by then. And you shouldnt miss out. At least once you are debt free you will also be able to look back at memories of the wedding even if it took you a few more months to get to it.

But isn't this how people get (and often stay) into debt, by believing they 'shouldn't miss out'? (Not having a go, just putting another point of view)
My parent's generation saved for what they wanted and then bought (indeed, there was no other choice) and also scrimped and saved for the unexpected because if there is one thing in life you can plan for, it's the unexpected, because something always happens).
We are getting married next month and it is going to be a very simple affair,costing us not a lot. But we are marrying each other in front of those who love us most, therefore it is still going to be full of joy and happiness and therefore great memories. We don't need all the modern wedding industry trimmings to make happy days or memories.

victory

May2013 wrote: »

These are exactly my thoughts...I don't think I will ever resent DD for pulling the wedding forward, it's right for her therefore she has my blessing but my oh my will I resent the fact that the debt is hanging around for any longer than it needs to. I can almost taste my DF existence and can visualise all the lovely things I will be able to do with the family once I get there...but I guess curved balls are to be expected...I just need to put all my learning's into practice and do the best I can within a set budget

The dress idea is perfect but even that does not have to be a big show, the most expensive in the shop, no one knows what it cost, I bought mine in the sales, sold it after for the same price I bought it for, all the show there is no need for it, I remember my nephew getting married and nearly splitting up beforehand because they could not stop arguing over the colour of the napkins on the table, I mean for goodness sake:rotfl:

I could not tell you what colour they were or care.

Your DF day is far more important, they are getting married because they love each other and in years to come they will reminise over their wedding day with love, not what colour the napkins were and how much the dress cost.

I got married in a registry office and have the same fantastic memories of the happiest day than a person has for getting married in a castle surrounded by flying doves handing them the rings on cushions:rotfl::rotfl:

I know the restrictions, not on the same scale as yourself but my DS is going to 18 in 3 weeks time, his list of phone, driving lessons, a car, a holiday etc is ridiculous and I cannot even manage to afford one of them let alone the lot, I have guilt sure, I wish sure, I want to sure, I can't, my son and us as a family have to deal with that, I would never ever put myself in debt because my son wants, he knows the score, he lives with it, his parents are not rich, never will be and so if he needs more he will have to go off and marry into a rich family:rotfl::rotfl:

claire16c

Brighton_belle wrote: »

But isn't this how people get (and often stay) into debt, by believing they 'shouldn't miss out'? (Not having a go, just putting another point of view)
My parent's generation saved for what they wanted and then bought (indeed, there was no other choice) and also scrimped and saved for the unexpected because if there is one thing in life you can plan for, it's the unexpected, because something always happens).
We are getting married next month and it is going to be a very simple affair,costing us not a lot. But we are marrying each other in front of those who love us most, therefore it is still going to be full of joy and happiness and therefore great memories. We don't need all the modern wedding industry trimmings to make happy days or memories.

I totally agree about the saving thing. However if she can get the money to go to her daughters wedding, then why not. And as its abroad Im guessing it will be a smaller affair than it would be at home.

If she came on here and was asking should she buy a new handbag or just go on a random holiday then my advice would be totally different!

GobbledyGook

I think you should be very proud that you have a daughter that doesn't expect financial assistance from you. Also be proud that you have a daughter who must realise that if she waits she can have a bigger wedding, but has decided that marrying her other half is what is important.

Given what some people expect from their parents these days (I know a woman with 3 children who is currently not speaking to her parents because they are 'only' contributing £2000 to her wedding - she has lived with her partner for 8 years!) I think your daughters attitude is something to be very proud of.