What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

Mutton_Geoff

My Mum died very suddenly a few weeks ago and after the initial shock, I found the tasks organising everything helped a lot. The period between her death and funeral was extremely busy but there was a big empty space after the funeral as there wasn't much more to do.

I found the following websites and leaflets very useful:

General advice - the leaflet by Help the Aged was an excellent guide although primarily aimed at older people.

The DirectGov website has some useful general advice Over 50's - End Of Life. Again, aimed at older people, but most advice still valid at any age.

Technical advice - the DWP produce a booklet D49 What to do after a death in England & Wales.

Many people mention the need for a will. I can second that! Mum always spoke about her wishes and said she had made a new will but we couldn't find it so had to make decisions based on what we thought was right.

There is more information about The Probate Service on their website.

And on the HMRC site HMRC Inheritance Tax: Applying for Probate or Confirmation.

The DWP also need to know within a fairly short timescale. More info on their site under Losing a loved one.

There is a useful service to stop unwanted mail, sales calls etc which you can fill in online Bereavement Register.

Finally, don't be afraid to accept offers of help nor be offended when closest friends don't even mention it, many people just don't know how to cope or what to say in the circumstances.

santashelper_2

To all those who have lost someone wishing you happiness for the future

Cinders2001

Ickle-toots wrote: »

Something else to mention with regard to getting the details changed to the spouse so they can legally drive the car, is to find out if the no claims bonus (ncd) can be passed to the spouse/new policy holder - In most cases the insurance company will usually need to speak to the underwriter to see if this can be done, more so really as a gesture of goodwill.

We were named drivers on mums policy but the insurance company would not let us do anything but cancel the policy! She had been with them for years!!

beer_tins

Rachelkiss08 wrote: »

Well...you can go to the single parent dating club singleparentloving.com . I believe you will get what you want there.

Just 4 posts and all refer to that site, no matter how inappropriate.

Spam reported...

MYLITTLESISTERLOLA

zztopgirl wrote: »

I have also put dh as a third party on my bank account, in case anything happens to me. God forbid. He cant go as a joint account due to bankruptcy.

quote]

Just a thought, I am not sure if your aware but God forbid if you were to pass away this 3rd party would be useless and the account would still be frozen. I understand in your circumstances ( OH BR ) it is not easy/possible to set up a joint account, but just wanted to let you know. Regards MLSL

mon1o

Hi all, im reading this not because ive lost a partner but my mum in law lost her mum yesterday. It was sudden, she went to sleep on wendesday night and never woke up. Ive found some really useful advice on here as my mum in law just doesnt know where to start with everything. Her mum had sorted her funeral years ago and has paid for the majority of it but its sorting out the finances etc which is proving to be difficult. We went to register the death yesterday afternoon and were told to make an appointment for tuesday afternoon. Is this right? I thought you just went at a convenient time and registered.

Sorry this is a waffled post, i dont think the loss has sunk in as yet, she was a lovely lady and will be missed by a lot of people.

MuttonGeoff, thank you for your post above, i shall print them off and hopefully they will help my mum in law.

Monica x

RedBern

Something that is worth a look is the Age Concern Cymru site...they have an on-line lifebook (which you can print out and fill in at your leisure or it can be on-line) It covers a whole range of stuff - from who your house insurance is with and renewal dates to last wishes.

It may be helpful for those who are concerned about parents and how to broach the sensitive subject of whether their affairs are in order... It also has a section for final wishes.

What is Age Concern LifeBook?


This service is a practical tool designed to help people work through all the things they either need, or wish, to put in order.

LifeBook has six sections:

Personal details.
Life contacts.
Financial.
Documents.
Possessions.
Final wishes.

shaznstubs

Triple_S wrote: »

As most have pointed out a Will is a definite item in planning for the future, something me and my mum just discussed but can anyone recommend where to go to get one made (without being ripped off - maybe Martin can look into this).
I've seen several websites/companies which claim to make a basic will for around £20-£30 i.e. you complete online details and they send it out to you to sign. I understand a solicitor charges around £100. Are the ready made wills any good or legal or do I have to go to a solicitor.
My mum wants a will which leaves her assets to me and both my kids (3 way split) etc Has anyone here got any recommendations

Thanks for any advice and Keep up the excellent work

that sounds great and sorry to pinch your topic,but i have a little question myself.my dads will said that mum was to obviously have the bungalow upon his death which would then be passed down to myself and my bro upon her death,well she has been widowed for 5 yrs now,is very comfortable,mortgage free etc,she is now going to remarry,would her new husband once theyre married be able to take the property if anything was to happen to her,as far as im aware her will mirrored dads.im just a little worried that all my dad worked for all of his life,could go to someone else if that makes sense.thanks in advance

JoBridger

When you Mum remarries, her current Will will be invalid. She must make a new Will once she is married. If you talk to her about this you will probably find that she wishes for you to receive the bungalow on her death so her new Will can be written to reflect this.

sarymclary

Hi Shaznstubs,

As JoBridger rightly pointed out, your mother's will becomes invalid upon her remarrying. The bungalow could be considered to be a joint asset upon her marriage. Not knowing what her future husband's own assets are either, and how much he will contribute to their joint assets, and what his own wishes are for any relatives he may wish to see benefit on his death.

I would imagine they will both want to have new wills to protect either of them upon their death, so that neither will be homeless, for example. They may agree upon whoever survives them to remain in the home until their own death, and then for it to be divided/passed on as appropriate. A clause preventing the sale of the property, but preserving the asset for the surviving children (you). A friend of mine lived with her partner for many years, although not married there was a clause in her deceased partner's will that she could sell his property, but a specified chunk of the proceeds was to be used to purchase his surviving partner a property for the rest of her life. This property remains an asset of his children, and they will inherit it upon her death (not her children).

Perhaps you need to have a quiet chat with your mum to find out what their plans are.