What to do when a partner/spouse dies.

AnW'sMum

Hi lab-dab

This thread is here to ask and get answers to practical issues surrounding the death of those close to us. My sympathies for your situation. My understanding is that where there was no marriage then the next of kin would be children, grandchildren and if there are none/no survivors in these generations then next of kin would be parents followed by brothers and sisters.

When my DH died last year I bought a title deed to the burial plot where I am named as the owner which gives the rights of the plot to me for 100 years! It is phrased that it can be used for two interments (ie DH and me). It is almost 18 months since my DH died and I am now looking into getting a headstone organised as the ground seems to have settled. Looking into this I have found that whilst in theory anyone can organise a headstone permission has to be granted by the owner of the grave title deed and by the cemetery, who incidentally also make a charge to erect a headstone.

Assuming the 'common law wife' is the owner of the grave deed I am not sure that there is anything you can do to get a stone put up other than speaking to her. Could cost be an issue? Having made some enquires myself the cost can vary enormously and could run from hundreds into thousands of pounds depending on exactly what is wanted. Your local CAB or even cemetery staff should be able to offer appropriate advise in these circumstances.

I hope you manage to get things sorted.

AnW'sMum

Sarahsaver wrote: »

My mum still has not got one sorted for my dad who died in 1986 when I was 15 Sister and I offered to help financially.
I think there is no law against having an 'unmarked grave'. DOn't know who if anyone has the 'right' to place a headstone.

I have found it rather daunting trying to decide on what to have for DH, it's not something I anticipated having to do for many years (he was 41 yo) and it is mind boggling. There is so much choice, material, colour, shape, wording. I want to make the right choices on all of these but it can bring all the memories flooding back which in turn can make it easier to do nothing.

Sarahsaver wrote: »

BTW I know this is ever so slightly OT but it is more difficult if someone goes missing than if they die in my experience. Ex OH has gone AWOL having loads of legal and financial implications.

Never thought about the financial side of things when a person goes missing, but I do remember when all those poor people died in the Tsunami there was a lot in the press about families potentially having to wait up to 7 years before they could claim on life insurance policies. I think this requirement was waived where relatives could prove their lost ones where in the region the day the Tsunami hit.

lab-dab

Thanks AnW'sMum your advice is correct as we checked with CAB and the vicar.. it seems the person who paid for the plot (in this case the CLW) has the right to put the headstone on the grave. Unfortunately, it is a difficult situation in this case as the rest of the family want to mark the grave asap and pay shares for the headstone but the other person doesnt want to so they are unable to put it on themselves without her signing for it ..

thanks for your advice

Sarahsaver

Trouble is I cannot report the ex Oh missing as I do not have 'sufficient cause for concern for his welfare' I went through a whole report with the police but they would not process it because I do not give a monkeys if he is well or not, plus he is not allowed to contact me as he has a harassment warning.

Re. the gravestone unfortunately you may find death brings out the worst in some of the people who are left behind, and the vultures will start to circle. It is such a shame but so many people are like that. I have a relative who died last year and another family member who they were 'estranged' from for YEARS now feels entitled to get annoyed they are not involved in sorting out the deceased's posessions.

consultant31

robledouk wrote: »

I've just been recently through this as well. My father died just under 3 months ago and had to go through the same process.

As people here have mentioned already, it's very important that documents are perhaps kept in 1 safe place. Fortunately my father was very organised and this helped us immensely.

One thing that has not been mentioned here (but maybe in the main thread?haven't had a chance to read through completely yet) is the £2000 funeral payout. As long as your spouse paid national insurance contributions for 1 year then you are entitled to the full amount. You can get the from the Jobcentre or download it from jobcentreplus website. As you may all know, funerals can ber very expensive and this money helps

You may also be entitled to the 1 years bereavement payment. Again get this form from the job centre.

As for car insurance, my father was the policy holder but the policy was still okay for my mum and I (named driver) to use for a further 30 days. This was with Direct Line Insurance so maybe other insurance companies work differently.

Hope some of that helps

I know this is a very old post, but in case it has not been clarified in a later post, I thought I would show you what is on the Age Concern website about this payment:

Bereavement Payment
If your spouse dies when you are over 45 but before you reach pension age
You can claim this £2,000 lump sum if:* your husband, wife or civil partner paid enough NI contributions; or * his or her death was caused by their job. You will not have to pay tax on this payment.
If your spouse dies after you reach pension age
You will receive this £2,000 lump sum after you reach pension age only if your husband, wife or civil partner:* paid sufficient NI contributions; and* was not entitled to a State Retirement Pension based on their own NI contributions when he or she died (for example, if your wife died before she reached the age of 60, or your husband died before he reached the age of 65). To claim this payment, complete form BB1, which you can get from your local benefits office or download it from the DWP website at www.dwp.gov.uk You must claim within 12 months of your husband, wife or civil partner’s death, otherwise you will not get the Bereavement Payment.

Moggle

Hi,

I shared caring for my ex partner until he died earlier this year, doing the majority of care and his neice & nephew contributing. He died leaving three 'close' relatives - the two mentioned plus another neice. He owned his own place but not much else. His nephew is in charge of things and told me at the ashes scattering that 'x' had wanted his estate split between 4, me and the three neices/nephew. I went home after that (I don't live near there) and by mistake took the garage key with me (I also have a set of keys to his place). Within a couple of weeks I got a solicitor's letter asking for all the keys to his place be returned, mentioning that I had taken the garage key and it was the only one. I had not fallen out with his relatives and was shocked and upset by this. 'X' was careful with his money and would have been gutted to know that nephew was wasting money on solicitors, why didn't he just phone me?

'X''s place won't be worth a lot of money but I don't know what to do next. How can I ensure I get my share of his estate as I am now wondering whether they intend to cut me out? I have replied to the solicitor by email and they have passed my reply to nephew who has replied through solicitor who sent me a second email. I haven't returned the keys, do I have a right to hold on to them? How do I get 'x's wishes in writing? From nephew (through solicitor?) or solicitor? Should I get a solicitor or who can help?

This has really upset me and confirms what previous posters have said about making wishes clear in writing. I'm so annoyed he is wasting money on a solicitor and how two faced the nephew has been by not just phoning me but using a solicitor, it's like I've lost any contact with 'x' and have been totally cut off from his relatives too by this. Do I still have a right to go into 'x's home? His nephew cleared out a lot of his belongings but there might be some things that are mine. Sorry so long.

consultant31

Moggle, I'm sorry I can't help with your query, but if you start another thread (instead of putting your question in this one) you're sure to get more replies from the folk who know.

This is actually a sticky for info and lots of people never actually look here.

AnW'sMum

Moggle if your ex partner died without leaving a will then the rules of intestacy apply. If you were not married to each other and there are no children then the estate goes back 'up' the family line to parents, siblings, their children in that order.

Is it worth speaking directly to the other parties, are they aware that the third nephew has put things in the hands of a solicitor? How many witnesses were there to the conversation where your ex stated that he wanted you to have a share. Would the other witnesses confirm or deny the conversation? Sorry to answer with more questions but depending what the answers to those are then you will know with more certainty where you stand. Citizen's advice might be able to help or you may want to consider an initial free consultation with a solicitor of your choice. Most do a half hour session free, you just need to ask for one.

I hope you get things sorted out.

mary43

Only just found this thread ............what a useful thing to have.

I lost my first husband in the early 1970's at 33 and was so confused about what to do. Didn't know whether I'd get any form of widow pension, he's only been in the firms pension scheme for a year............as it turned out, because I had two small children I qualified for Widowed mothers pension and his firm paid out too so everything in that corner was ok when it eventually got sorted. Then, it was quite normal for the house to be in the husbands name and not the wifes, also the bank account. The bank froze the account and it took some pleading to allow me to be able to use it to pay bills etc. Then there was the long winded solicitor who took a year to get the house put into my name. It was a nightmare, just when I needed it least.
He'd made no will either which made things harder so one of the first things I did when I got myself back together was to make one, to ensure my children were looked after, appointing appropriate guardians for them. That, I thought was all that was needed.
When my father died 7 years ago everything seemed straight forward.....in his will everything passed to Mum and he'd sorted out a burial plot.
The Mum got ill and it all hit home about things like having a Power of Attorney. Mum had a stroke, a really bad one, but luckily although she was immobile, she could initially decide things for herself. Me and my brother took over her paperwork, she took out a funeral plan, had a headstone erected for my Dad and her name to be added at a later date. Her wishes were to be cremated and her ashes put with Dad.........she had told us this but having it in black and white meant no one could ever dispute it. She even picked the hymns she wanted. Mum was very organised so it was easy to find her paperwork and sort it out. I'm not quite so organised but I try. I've got a filing cabinet with all the sections labelled clearly, I'm in the process of de-cluttering and re-organised stuff (I'm a bit of a hoarder to say the least) so storage boxes now have labels on them. It's me who deals with all the paperwork, OH would be going round in circles if he didn't know where things were. Premature it may be but I've even approached a friend to act as power of attorney should it ever be needed. Our will is about to be updated due to changes in circumstances and then I think we'll be sorted. It seems awful thinking about all these things but it hit home a lot when Mum was taking ill overnight, never went home again and is now sadly unable to think for herself. I wanted to put my house in order and spare others the worry.

Sorry this is long winded and has probably been covered previously but just in case I thought I'd add my experiences.

ginger_nuts

my father died last month .
There are load off phone numbers you need quickly when someone dies .
Undertaker ,clergy , newspapers for death notice ,long lost relatives .
Have some idea what wording you want for a death notice in the paper .

Joint bank accounts are usefull ,my parents didnt have a joint account but my mother will be able to take over dad,s account (including his account number ) when the will is settled .meantime the direct debits are still being paid from the account ,just cant withdraw cash .
Most utility bills are in one name ,in our case dad's name .This could have been a problem for mum as the banks normally want proof off address from a utility bill .My advice is to split the utility bills in advance so you have proof off address . Some utility companys will accept change off details over the phone following a death ,BT did this ,others want a death cert .Talk Talk wanted my father to sign a form to change the account name ( not easy when he was dead ) . If you bring an original death cert to the bank let them copy it and take back the original .If you have a will ,tell people where it is .We knew dad had a will but we didnt know where it was .We just guessed it was in the with the solicitor he had used when he bought the house but it could have been anywhere .