Male Friend Problems

Lotus-eater

Being a male and sort of knowing how we work, I'd advise this.

I've seen a few of my friends like this and some of them never speak again, trust is a massive thing for blokes between friends, it only needs one bad bit to mess it up for life.

I would send him one last email/text, whatever, saying, "Look, I'm sorry, I thought someone knew already, I made a mistake, you've been a good mate for 2 years, sorry I let you down. If we stay friends then great, otherwise have a good life."

And then leave it to him. If he's got any decency he will be back to you within a few days, if he's not, write it off, it would never have been the same again anyway.

Btw, FGS, don't send a photo or anything else girly, he wants you to be a mate about this, not a girl, no feelings, just honest matey talking.

lurvlyloz

i'm not sure why it matters that he is male? i wouldnt be too happy if my very good friend at work then blabbed. i am pretty stubborn so i'm not sure i'd be over it yet.

give it time. he'll either get over it...or he wont.

but hopefully he will. would be sad to lose a friend. x

soundmind

Hope it works out.

whitewing

It may be worth stating that you haven't disclosed anything else that he has said to you in confidence and nor would you do so.

Gavin83

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

but now he's not so sure.

Just leave him to it; we like the attention so if you're still messaging him and apologising he's getting the attention,. When you leave us alone we start to think you're not bothered about us any more and then we want you to send us messages.

Really? I don't work like that at all but I guess everyone is different.

I'd just send him another email telling him what you've said on here and he knows where you are if he wants to contact you again and you'll be there if he wants to speak. He obviously feels pretty betrayed but he may well get over it, depends on how important he saw your friendship.

Tropez

The truth about the male mind is we're not legion, we're all individuals so trying to understand something from the perspective of a man is a futile endeavour. Nobody is qualified to speak on behalf of all men because there is no "we".

You were this man's friend, OP, and you were the one who betrayed his trust. You need to think about your friendship with him and try and work out how you can make amends or even if you can make amends.

vyvyan_2

I too have a male Best Friend. We have fallen out a few times and it's devastating. We are so close and tell each other everything. We know all each other's secrets. That make you vulnerable and you have given so much of yourself to this person. Seems tricky sometimes as a friend of the opposite sex is something where there is no 'script' as people think 'there must be more to it than friendship'. However he's a typical bloke (sorry to all blokes reading this) but I love him dearly, platonically, of course

Is it a Mars Venus thing? He has been know to go into his cave and sulk/deal with it/ recover. Blanking me. I get more and more anxious. Until eventually I get angry.

Blanking/sending someone to Coventry is a control mechanism and is cruel.

As someone said, stop showing you're caring and imagine that life goes on and he's not having that effect on you.

It won't be easy, I know, as you're in pieces.

He will come out of his cave when he's good and ready. He's will be slightly cool at first. Always message in kind.

If you get a text saying "Hi" just reply saying "Hi, how are you"...until things start to thaw between you. He feels back in control. He won't want to talk about it either!

Good luck. I'm thinking of you. Please keep us posted.

Vx

DVardysShadow

January20 wrote: »

Actually, it's not just men (although the older I get the more I believe I think more like a man than a woman sometimes ). I would be mucho peeved if a friend of mine had done what the OP did.

He told you something in confidence, didn't want you to tell anyone, why did you think it was ok for your to break that confidence and why did you think you had the right to decide it was time to tell others? It wasn't your "secret" to tell! If you were my friend, I would be very reluctant to tell you anything sensitive in future because I would think you obviously can't keep you mouth shut. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you asked!

Perhaps, he's realised you are not the person he thought you were (that's how I would feel) and that is why he is keeping his distance. It's up to him really now.

Oh and you didn't have to pretend you didn't know. I asked one of my colleagues something about another colleague as they are very close. She said she knew the answer but was not supposed/ allowed to tell. That was enough for me. I respect her so much for being honest.

I would agree with that. For him, the ability to share confidences is probably important. From now on he would be wary about telling you anything. Perhaps he does not want to live with that.

Plans_all_plans

Unless he's still in touch with others from the company - in particular the boss - or he's gone to work for an affiliated company, he's being a total drama queen.

totheleft

I appreciate all your replies.

I can see how he is upset but breaking his trust is abit of a overstatement?

He's told me loads of secrets. Confiding me in alot and i've never told anyone. I've helped him out alot and gone out of my way for him.

and he's throwing all that away because certain collegues asked me if he left because he had a fight with the boss and i said yeah. I didn't even tell them why they did have a fight.

he doesn't even work here anymore so no one will be bothered either way. Blabbing is abit harsh. I didn't tell anyone a deep personal secret or anything.

Anyways a update...

I emailed him last night. He emailed back. He replied to me in a way that i was a work collegue and nothing else. Like we were never friends. Wished me good luck with everything. Even signed it with 'Yours sincerely'

I can't believe it. I get this for one mistake, which i apologised for. I am human. We make mistakes. No friendship is perfect. You learn. My friends have done plenty of unforgiving thingsto me before and i've forgiven them.

He's upset me before and i've forgiven him loads of times.

I am so completely and utterfly frustrated right now.

Alot of you think deserves me right. But everyone else i have confided in, friends wise, believe he's being a drama queen.

:(:(:(