Male Friend Problems

totheleft

I’ve been lurking for a while due to a friend telling me about this site and I’ve never needed to post before but I am in a bit of a dilemma and everyone seems like mature like-minded people so thought I’d get some good advice from you all. Here goes my first post...

I’ve been working for a company for roughly 2 years. Last few months, I became really good friends with a work colleague. !We became really really good friends and we are just like best friends really. We talked and hung out every day and spoke via text and MSN in none work hours.

He left the job a few weeks ago due to having a falling out with the boss. Our boss is a male and he favouritises the women over the men, so my male friend was getting unfair treatment so even though I was heartbroken he left, I understood and we still kept in touch. Everyone said how much he used to praise me as a person and he really liked me (as a friend)

So then, my male friend tells me not to tell everyone at work the real reason he left work. So I didn’t say anything but it started to get out why he left and people started to ask me. I told them thinking everyone knew by now, which in fact they didn’t. Only certain individuals knew but it got around sooner or later.

Well my male friend somehow found out that, I did tell certain individuals the reason why he left. I only told them because I thought they already knew. !He got angry. I apologised to him a lot, sent him sweet message and emails and told him how sorry and upset I am.

So now my male friend won’t speak to me. Hasn’t contacted me at all. Been on MSN a few times and hasn’t initiated a conversation. It’s been a week and a half and I haven’t heard a wink from him. This is the longest I haven’t spoken to him since we’ve become close.

I don’t know what to do. Because he is ignoring me, I’ve ignored him but I really don’t want to. But I don’t want to chase him neither in case he gets annoyed. I don’t want to lose a good friend over something stupid. He’s been a very good friend to me and vice versa until this happened.

Can anyone suggest what I should do? Any advice from the male posters on what he’s thinking?
Is that the end of our friendship?!:(

bleh

Awww, what you did wasn't horrible to a extent he has to ignore you. You realised your mistake and apologised. If he was such a good friend, he would have accepted. Not like he works there anymore.

Maybe the fellow male posters will give you a insght on why he's behaving this way. I never understood men myself

scheming_gypsy

he trusted you, you betrayed his trust and he's not happy. Don't message him or contact him and when he's over it he'll be back in touch.

DUTR

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

he trusted you, you betrayed his trust and he's not happy. Don't message him or contact him and when he's over it he'll be back in touch.

will second that :beer:

totheleft

Yeah but it wasn't that big of a deal or secret. People were going to find out he had a argument with the boss anyway. It was already getting around. I would have forgiven him if it was the other way round.

Oh I don't know. Maybe I'm just making excuses for myself.

pigpen

Id leave him to stew a couple more days then email and say... have you finished sulking yet cos I wondered if youd like to go for a drink? (or whatever you would normally do)

and leave the decision up to him..

scheming_gypsy

totheleft wrote: »

Yeah but it wasn't that big of a deal or secret. People were going to find out he had a argument with the boss anyway. .

and this is why women don't understand us!
it isn't up to you to think it's ok, it's for you to listen to your friend and respect his wishes. If people were going to find out anyway then so be it, he asked you specifically not to tell anybody.
What you've done is tell him that you can't be trusted to keep a secret and respect his wishes. It's about the principle of what you did and not the action.

scheming_gypsy

You could also send him a naked picture of you, preferable all soapy in the shower. We're just cavemen in clothes; so unless you're a complete beast, you'll get his attention and he'll be talking to you pretty quick

meritaten

he expected discretion from you - never mind if other people guessed, you SHOULDNT have said anything. He found out you blabbed and even though you didnt let the cat out of the bag, he thinks you shouldnt have said anything. Just hope he calms down and realises that you werent being malicious.

totheleft

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

and this is why women don't understand us!
it isn't up to you to think it's ok, it's for you to listen to your friend and respect his wishes. If people were going to find out anyway then so be it, he asked you specifically not to tell anybody.
What you've done is tell him that you can't be trusted to keep a secret and respect his wishes. It's about the principle of what you did and not the action.

Yeah I understand that. I grovelled and apologised. It wasn't malicious what I did. Ive kept so many of his secrets. He's trusted me so many times and I've never let him down. It feels like I have backstabbed him or something.

I feel like he should have forgiven me now but I've got a feeling he won't. People have done worse things to him at work but he forgives them for it. I just feel really bad and want to him realise it wasn't intentional. He should know me as a person.

Like I said, I would have forgiven if it was the other way round.

totheleft

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

You could also send him a naked picture of you, preferable all soapy in the shower. We're just cavemen in clothes; so unless you're a complete beast, you'll get his attention and he'll be talking to you pretty quick

Ha that ain't going to happen . He probably take the picture and still ignore me.