Free bar restrictions - right or wrong?

RainbowDrops

mirrorimage0 wrote: »

must just be the norm now then, my wedding was only 3 yrs ago, and i am a very frugal person so was all done in a bargain hunting way lol i saved so much on other things and even though we had nearly 200 people, i suppose its just the way i have been brought up, but i did make sure i had a venue where i could supply my own drinks so no high bar prices.

if any of my family have parties, weddings etc there is always a free bar, i did have my 30th at a clubhouse , still had a free bar and ice cream van lol but the drinks were cheaper as its a clubhouse.

The UK "norm" is generally a reception drink, wine with the meal, and bubbly for a toast, which I think is fair enough.

Once the meal is over I think it's perfectly acceptable to pay for your own drinks.

poet123

elvis86 wrote: »

I can't help but think that maybe there's a little bit of the green eyed monster going on here, with some people who perhaps couldn't afford to put on a free bar at their own wedding (probably the same people who think it's entirely acceptable to expect bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses and guests to pay for their own wedding breakfasts, so that they can have the big white wedding on a shoestring budget, rather than planning a wedding that they can actually afford!). I don't see how you can disagree with a free bar? It's not really a moral issue is it?:cool:

If the OP was asking, "I feel like I should put on a free bar, but that would mean I couldn't afford X, Y, Z", then I would absolutely encourage her to reconsider the free bar as it's not something people generally expect these days.

However, having said that, I think it's quite a nice tradition and I can completely understand why fathers of the bride especially have often wanted to do it. My grandfather did it at my parents' wedding, he was a very proud man and it meant a lot to him to do that.

If you can afford it and are happy to do it, then I say why not, it's a nice touch. If you are worried about the bill getting out of hand, then by all means adopt one of the suggestions for capping it.:)

My friends did that at their wedding in the summer, and it was absolutely fine. Everyone took their wallets to the bar and it was a nice suprise for as long as the bar staff were able to say, "it's on the tab". I don't think anyone abused it, but then I guess that depends on the kind of friends and family you have.

However, I have to say whilst I agree that issuing vouchers or putting £X behind the bar are good ideas, I think limiting guests to cheap drinks/singles kind of defeats the object. If I wanted to buy a guest a drink, and they would regularly drink a double Gordons and Tonic, then that's what I would want to buy them. I wouldn't want to buy them a single no-mark gin and tonic, iyswim?

I don't think people are saying it is a bad idea from jealousy that certainly wasn't my perspective (too long married for that!) going back to then though my Dad did actually want to have a free bar but we dissuaded him and compromised on buying everyone their first drink from the bar and having wine on the tables.

Do people really expect bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses? or guests to pay for the wedding breakfast? Not in my experience, perhaps in yours.

I think that whatever kind of wedding you have (unless it is a very small intimate affair, which actually it seems the OP's may be!) then there will be those who will take advantage of a free bar either by wastage or overdoing it. I think that was why other alternatives (money behind the bar, tokens etc) were put forward.

polejunkie wrote: »

Im toying with the idea of free soft drinks, there will be a lot of children at the reception and a lot of guests who will be driving, i dont drink either so i dont give a hoot about drinkers or their needs.

I just thought that came across as quite uncaring/dismissive, even rude, to guests who like a drink, and surely they deserve as much consideration as those who don't, even if you don't drink yourself?

Luckyred

I have never been to a wedding with a free bar and would never expect it.
Most of the ones we have been to have offered a free drink on arrival, wine with meal and champagne toast. I think that is generous. I dont usually want anything else to drink after that. Anyone that does (and there are always lots of these at weddings)should pay for it themselves.

cord123

I personally think a free bar is a waste of money....people go to a wedding thinking they will have to pay for drinks... so let them :-) put the money towards your honeymoon 9or a pair of jimmy choos!)
We went to a wedding that had ready poured wine, beer and champagne out and the bar staff topped these up through the evening.... anything else at the bar had to be paid for....
If you do do a free bar... I would do only singles and no premium spirits etc... if someone tried to order a round of doubles and then got the hump they werent free I wouldnt be too fussed if they left!
Just think of all the half drunk drinks that people leave on the table, go and have a dance and then go and get a fresh drink... such a waste! xx

MrsDrink

There are so many things weddingy that people feel compelled to comment on and that we just can't agree on. Since joining this site I've seen similar 'marmite' discussions on chair covers, favours, photographers and even inviting children. My thoughts on everything wedding related - free bar or anything else - is if it's something you want, get it. If it isn't - don't. In my opinion there is nothing other than saying your vows and "I do" that must be done. Everything else is just frills that you can choose to have or not. As far as 'traditional' and 'normal' goes - well my first thought has always been sod that.

But joho hasn't actually asked whether to have a free bar or not. (Not strictly speaking anyway). She's more asked how to make it manageable. Joho - perhaps ask your venue because I'm sure this won't be the first time they will have run a free/partly funded bar - they could possibly tell you what works well and how to keep a track of it's cost. (I have read about one bride and groom issuing tickets which the bar staff wrote on the cost of the ordered drink and kept to one side to tot up at the end).

ampafc

We are having around 300 guests at our wedding, so to provide a completely free bar would cost thousands of pounds more...

We will be providing lots of wine at the tables, champagne between the wedding and reception, and more champagne for the toasts. That is pretty generous in itself, imo.

ampafc

elvis86 wrote: »

I can't help but think that maybe there's a little bit of the green eyed monster going on here, with some people who perhaps couldn't afford to put on a free bar at their own wedding (probably the same people who think it's entirely acceptable to expect bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses and guests to pay for their own wedding breakfasts, so that they can have the big white wedding on a shoestring budget, rather than planning a wedding that they can actually afford!). I don't see how you can disagree with a free bar? It's not really a moral issue is it?:cool:

If the OP was asking, "I feel like I should put on a free bar, but that would mean I couldn't afford X, Y, Z", then I would absolutely encourage her to reconsider the free bar as it's not something people generally expect these days.

However, having said that, I think it's quite a nice tradition and I can completely understand why fathers of the bride especially have often wanted to do it. My grandfather did it at my parents' wedding, he was a very proud man and it meant a lot to him to do that.

If you can afford it and are happy to do it, then I say why not, it's a nice touch. If you are worried about the bill getting out of hand, then by all means adopt one of the suggestions for capping it.:)

My friends did that at their wedding in the summer, and it was absolutely fine. Everyone took their wallets to the bar and it was a nice suprise for as long as the bar staff were able to say, "it's on the tab". I don't think anyone abused it, but then I guess that depends on the kind of friends and family you have.

However, I have to say whilst I agree that issuing vouchers or putting £X behind the bar are good ideas, I think limiting guests to cheap drinks/singles kind of defeats the object. If I wanted to buy a guest a drink, and they would regularly drink a double Gordons and Tonic, then that's what I would want to buy them. I wouldn't want to buy them a single no-mark gin and tonic, iyswim?

Completely agree with this, especially the last paragraph. Giving people tokens almost makes you seem a bit cheaper than for example providing wine at the meal, toasts etc.

MrsDrink

ampafc wrote: »

Completely agree with this, especially the last paragraph. Giving people tokens almost makes you seem a bit cheaper than for example providing wine at the meal, toasts etc.

One benefit of providing tokens/vouchers/tickets etc is it caters for all tastes*. I don't like wine or champers so I'm out of luck at most weddings. Lol although that being said my tipple would be blackcurrent and tap water which hardly breaks my bank :rotfl: I'm such a cheap date!

*edit - plus is stops Young Fast Nephew Steve glugging away all the money put behind the bar before Old Slow Granny Jo manages to get an order in But I do agree with not restricting the tipple of choice especially to cheap lager. (Whilst my mum is very happy downing tins of carling, MrD prefers Corona, :rotfl:).

Double edit - lol neither MrD nor I have a nephew called Steve or a granny called Jo lol.

polejunkie

poet123 wrote: »

I just thought that came across as quite uncaring/dismissive, even rude, to guests who like a drink, and surely they deserve as much consideration as those who don't, even if you don't drink yourself?

I dont care if it sounds rude, its my wedding. I'l provide free drinks for kids and non drinkers if I like. Its up to the guests to provide for their own alcohol or sneak in their mini bottle of JD, after all I am feeding 1/3rd of them to a sit down steak, the rest to a evening buffet and if they feel the bar isnt up to their liking then they're not the kind of people I want at my wedding. Im not catering for vegetarians either at the sit down dinner which sadly excludes my veggie/vegan/raging alcoholic step siblings. Diddums.

PootleFlump_3

polejunkie wrote: »

I dont care if it sounds rude, its my wedding. I'l provide free drinks for kids and non drinkers if I like. Its up to the guests to provide for their own alcohol or sneak in their mini bottle of JD, after all I am feeding 1/3rd of them to a sit down steak, the rest to a evening buffet and if they feel the bar isnt up to their liking then they're not the kind of people I want at my wedding. Im not catering for vegetarians either at the sit down dinner which sadly excludes my veggie/vegan/raging alcoholic step siblings. Diddums.

Im curious as to why you wouldnt cater for vegetarians if you know that there will be vegetarians there?