Separated; husband now having baby with girlfriend

RAS

irrespective of what grounds the Op uses to divorce her ex, at the risk of sounding lke a broken record, she must not rush this just becuase a baby is due.

If she get the financial settlement wrong she will spend the next 20 years trying to sort out the mess and it could cost her a lot of money.

The saddest one this month was amother who has left the house to her teenage sons. Except that it was jointly owned and will passed over to her ex if she dies, without entering the estate. She had allowed her ex to retain another house at no cost and had actually paid her ex money for the privelege of getting NOTHING, not even maintenance.

Kathy535

I worded my post poorly it would seem as I didn't intend to encourage people to lie! Mcemdave is right, the advice I received was that the date of separation was not necessarily the same as the date of when first living apart. In my case we had separated months before but had continued to live in the same house. Initially I believed I would have to wait until 2 years had passed before getting a divorce but this was not the case. For the OP, this may mean that she can start things earlier depending on her situation.

Little_RAY

Ermmm, wasn't expecting such a heated discussion! Thank you for caring... most of you anyhow.

My husband actually planned the pregnancy with his girlfriend... until recently we have remained friends, but I have now realised that we are too emotionally linked for 'just' a friendship to exist... anyway, it's an excuse to tie up all the loose ends and move on now.

Can I just say that I have no problem with my husband having a new partner, and even moving in with her. In some ways I was happy for him because he seemed a lot happier. I just wasn't expecting him to rush his relationship so quickly and get pregnant, especially when it was planned. May I also say that we split up because of his behaviour towards me - he completely agrees that he was at fault! I could not have tried any harder to stay married than I did without risking my mental health! Our split was a long time in the making...

Anyway, I wasn't looking for emotional counselling! I have friends/family for that - all those who know him have a very similar opinion of his behaviour! I am also a little shocked that some of the comments on here have got a little personal - I was just looking for general advice, not judgements.

He had told me that he had done some research and discovered that it was better to sort out the Mortgage issues AFTER the divorce had gone through, but general consensus on here seems to suggest otherwise. The house is only being rented until April 2012, I think and the people renting have suggested that they would like to buy the house if they could raise a deposit and get a Mortgage.

My husband and I split in Nov 2009, but I was not able to move out of our home properly until April 2010... this makes me think, after chatting with my Mum, that I would not be able to be divorced until this time because there is no proof that we had seperated.

I don't want to go down the Adultery route, unless he agreed to that... I just want it to be a clean amicable thing. However, his baby is due in January 2012... I guess, if they want the divorce sooner, then the decision is their's.

Can anyone suggest any websites that might also be able to offer sound advice? It sounds like I am best to do as much of the paperwork as possible myself, but I will need financial advice... call me ignorant, but where do I go for that? A financial consultant? I've never been in this type of position before!

Thank you so much for your replies... I will remember to click on the 'email notification' tab now so that I know when I've had replies.

thegirlintheattic

OP even though you have remained friends do not take legal or financial advice from your ex, even "I've done some research...", you have conflicting interests, especially now he has a child on the way. There's nothing wrong with being amicable but protect yourself. All martial assets/debts including the house need to be sorted before the divorce to protect yourself. CAB can give you some advice but a lawyer is your best bet.

gizmo111

Can anyone suggest any websites that might also be able to offer sound advice? It sounds like I am best to do as much of the paperwork as possible myself, but I will need financial advice... call me ignorant, but where do I go for that? A financial consultant? I've never been in this type of position before!

Try www.ondivorce.co.uk

What joint assets do you have? Do you have children?
Generally you wouldn't need a FC unless you had complicated finances, but there are things like pensions etc to take into account for the settlement.

Sammy85_2

I really would seek legal advice, things may be amicable now but it could turn nasty quickly and you need to protect yourself. How will he take it if you turn around and say you want to tie up the financial aspects before divorce, something he doesnt think is necessary. Will he still be as amicable?

Little_RAY

I really do appreciate all replies...

Just to answer a few questions:

- No, my ex and I do not have any children... which makes life easier, I guess.

- No, we do not have any other financial considerations that are in both our names. Just the mortgage.

Thank you so much. I think that it will be sensible to get some legal advice. The next problem is that I cannot even afford to look at a solicitor at present!! Such fun...

(Two of my friends have studied law (one of them is now a lawyer in London), and yet neither of them have gone down the 'divorce' and family law route, and can't help me! I still love them though!)