debt free diary.a new leaf.

greenanne

well not having a very good day today.i just feel completly overwhelmed by things i feel i have no control over.
by nature i'm not a worrier but i find i worry more and more about money.
one of my biggest problems at the moment is that i have to find £80 to put into my bank before a birect debit comes out or i will get charges and it might not even get paid now that i don't have a reserve.i have £50 but just can't work out how i'm going to get the other £30.
i also have my friends wedding coming up in 3 weeks time.it's a long way away so i have to book somewhere to stay the night and i just don't have the money.what i would like to do is just not go.i would be really sad but it would solve so many problems,but i just can't bring myself to do it.i know she'll have a great day and it won't make any difference if i'm there or not but it's not a massive wedding,they will have paid for a meal for me.we were at school together.i would feel i was letting her down if i didn't go.
in june i always go to scotland with my sister and friend and we stay with our family there.it doesn't cost loads but it is still an outlay.at the weekend i told my sister that i wouldn't be able to come this year.she knew why but they could still go and i knew it wouldn't be a problem.the sense of relief knowing i wouldn't have to worry about it was really good.today my sister phoned and said she didn't want to go without me as it was a family thing and she would pay for me.she said it wasn't a problem for her and she wanted to do it so i shouldn't worry about it.this is so lovley of her but it obviously really upset me at the same time.other people shouldn't have to pay for me,i should be able to look after myself.
i'm going to stop now for a while.maybe back later.

greenanne

well what a lovely weekend it's been weather wise.i've spent most of it out in the garden.have managed to get lots of seeds in ,so things are getting going at last.
just to update my last post.i've decided not to go to my friends wedding.im sad about it and would have loved to go but being honest about it i know that i can't do it.i would have paid for everything on my credit card and then spent months paying for it.i also have to pay for another course for the agency next week and i have to do that.
the other problem i had with my overdraft seems to have sorted it's self out.i must have miscalculated things so although my dd has gone out and the bank has taken some interest i haven't gone over my overdraft limit.admittedly there's only 51p on it but thats good enough for me untill payday.
i'm off to search the site for some sort of spreadsheet to help me with my budgeting.i feel that although what i'm doing is better it's still very hit and miss.:)

666paw

Hi Greenanne

Sorry i've not been around, been mia for a while so just caught up. Regarding your friends wedding, you have made the hard decision not to go but you can dedicate the day to thinking about her. I have had to make a similar decision, friends in America are getting married in May but due to costs have had to say no. We feel really guilty as there was only going to be the couple, two other friends and me & oh. We are now going to try and save to see if we can get out there next year for there 1st anniversary. Enjoy your holiday with your sister, you could always repay her with your excess fresh produce.

I'm so late putting any of my seeds in, I'm just hoping they catch up in time. Currently got garlic and onions in and have a few raspberries and couple of currant bushes.

Take care

666

greenanne

thanks for the kind words.i have to say that although i got lots of seeds in, nothing has achually done anything yet.i was a bit lax with the watering i think but after all the rain today maybe that won't be a problem anymore.
i have to go up to london tomorrow to do a course for the agency.they have started to offer me some more work.i did a 13 hour shift one day last week which i must admit was hard going.i must be getting to old.
finance wise things are still not good.because i no longer have a personal reserve on my overdraft if i go to get money out it doesn't give me anything where as before it would.i know it's not right to try to use money like this.i now have 5p in my purse to go to london with.my ticket will go on the cc but it's not nice knowing you have no money in your purse.i have money coming in on friday though from my work last week.:)

ani*fan

Hi there greenanne

I hope your journey to London goes ok. I have a similar problem when I head off to uni once a week. it's a fair distance away and often I head out with my train ticket, a bagful of food and not a penny piece in my purse. It can be really anxiety-provoking but actually, I've never hit disaster yet.

Best of luck.

AFx

greenanne

ok so it's the 12th of the month,the date that i usually update my signature.i really don't want to do it as march and april so far have just been complete disasters.
the radiator in my living room decided to spring a leak.luckly i reolised that it was leaking so it didn't do to much damage to the carpet.plumber it fixing it at the weekend,another £180 on the cc.having no money at all feels a bit like everything normal in life is shutting down.i can't shop for things i need.the dog needs his booster.he also needs his nails cut badly[no way he will let me near to do this]which only costs £5 but i can't take him.the ink has run out on the printer so i can't print vouchers or reciepts for items to be claimed back.my hair desperatly needs cutting.my lawnmower has a loose wire.every time i use it i have to spend 5 mins getting the wire in the right position to make it work,my neighbour is convinced i'm going to get electrocuted.
i'm starting to dread letters from the bank again.dd are being returned unpaid.two so far this week.one to pay my barclaycard and one for my council tax.
then on top of that,i've been available to do agency work all week but have not been phoned.now ive discovered that they havn't updated my file with the course i did last week,so to the people who give the work out i've looked unavailable.
sometimes it's hard not to let this stuff get to much.

ani*fan

Oh greenanne. It really sounds like you're having a hard time of it just now. :grouphug: and:coffee:for you.

Those pesky lists of things that need doing but require cash. I think we all have them and they're horrible. We went months without a wheelbarrow, dragging wood around in big buckets and nearly breaking our backs doing it. It made me appreciate the new one all the more when we could finally afford it though.

I only have two suggestions and they might be rubbish so please feel free to ignore.

The first is to make a list of everything that needs doing then prioritise them. What absolutely can't wait? And what can? And how do you get it happening with the least possible cash? Then tackle one single thing at a time. Do you know any electricians that could have a look at the mower? Or even a friend who's handy with things like that? Does your hairdresser have a trainee night for a cheap haircut? Maybe you would be eligible for the PDSA for your dog's care? They will provide vaccinations for a 'donation' which could be a couple of quid. And printer ink refills are much cheaper than buying new every time.

The other thing is that I'm pretty sure with your irregular work that at times you will be eligible to apply for benefits. Missing a week's worth of wages would throw any of us into a spin. Could you face going to speak to the benefits people and asking? It might involve filling out a time sheet every week or fortnight but at least you might get your council tax paid.

I hope some of that has helped or at least planted an idea of a way forward. Keep us posted. Please don't struggle on your own.

greenanne

as always thankyou for your input ani*fan.
your right about making a list of priorities and mentaly i have done this.
i've been having a bit of a clear out and while going through some paperwork i reolised to my horror that my mot ran out in march.so this i must do without fail tomorrow and put it on the cc and hope and pray that it doesn't fail.
the pdsa i will look into and find out where this can be done and what i need to qualify.i've decided that my hair cut isn't really a priority.it's my birthday next week so if i get any money i will treat myself.
with regards to the benifits.i have been to the cab and i have made an appointment for thursday to see one of their advisors.i tried to work it out on the benifits checker on this site and it seems to indicate i may be entitled to some working tax credits but it's so hard to work it out when you never get paid the same amount for two months running.so i have dug out a years worth of wage slips to take with me.
i'm on holiday from my normal work this week and the agency have only just updated my profile as being complient to work.i have a shift booked in for the weekend so far.
the site that i have my spare room advertised with has just been taken over by a much larger site so i've been doing quite alot of work on my advert trying to attract people over the olympic months.they are sending a photographer on wednesday to take some pictures for free,so i'm trying to make the house look like somewhere you might consider paying to stay,hiding things in draws and cupboards:)

greenanne

the main news ro report today is that my car failed it's mot:sad:
afew of the things are just little jobs but two more are bigger.so much so that the car will have to go into the garage for the day on friday.i've no idea how much this will cost and it's a day less i can be available to work for the agency.
my spring cleaning is coming along but how is it that before things look tidy they look twice as messy first.my spare room looks the business though, infact i'm thinking of sleeping in there myself tonight:D
i checked out the pdsa website today.it's no surprise to me that i don't qualify because i'm not on benifits,the usual catch 22.sometimes i really wonder why i bother going out to work at all.i'm not bitter though;)

greenanne

well my photo shoot went really well today.i managed to get everything done in the house before the guy came.he even said that i had a lovely welcoming house and that i was asking to little per night.the only hitch was that im having a problem with my guttering at the frount of the house.it's not broken but it's moved leaving a slight gap which means it's llike a waterfall right beside my front door.and when we get rain like we did today it comes under the front door.he didn't seem to notice it though.
during my spring cleaning i've been clearing out alot of stuff i don't use any more.there's something quite theraputic in getting rid of things you just don't need anymore.i've taken my stereo out of my living room and moved a big yucca back outside and now my room looks so much bigger and uncluttered.just up the road from me there is a community based charity that take all sorts of second hand goods and i will take them there.
i have my appointment for a benifit check tomorrow so i am just taking as much information along with me and keeping my fingers crossed.i'm not really that optermistic,but it must be my turn for some good news.:)
oh yes,i've updated my signature at last.after going down for the last two months this month it has gone up by £260.nothing i can say to that really.