in really deep trouble

DVardysShadow

doneitagain wrote: »

JasX wrote: »

Quick one:

Are all these joint accounts with your husbands name on them? Presumably if some are in your sole name you defaulting / DMPing / IVAing them wouldn;t be recorded against your husband in any way and hence not cost him his job

The loan is in both names as is mortgage. One credit card is his (still has about 800 credit on it) the other two are mine, one in a maiden name. My object with all this is NOT to default on anything, earn more money and manage these debts over the next few years so that gradually they become more manageable.

Although your objective is not to default on anything, I suggest JasX is right and you need a fallback plan. If you do have to default, what are you going to default on?

I urge you to think this through while you have time - if the need to default creeps up on you, the wrong decision made in a panic could cost your OH his job. So you need to decide in what order you will default if you have to.

Conventional advice here is to pay off debts highest APR first - or occasionally to pay off some smaller or shorter term debts to start with. But in your case, even if your debts are the higher APR debts, you need to leave these debts high and make sure that all joint finance is manageable - because in terms of the security of your OH's income, the joint debts are the most expensive.

Only when the joint finance is comfortably manageable should you consider paying down any of the debt in your name.

Also consider 'setoff'. Are any of your own debts with companies with whom you have joint accounts of any form? If you default on your finance, the lender may possibly transfer the debt to a joint account. My personal opinion is that the legality of doing this either way between personal and joint accounts is at best dubious, but it does happen.

casiquerbrado

Hi , sorry to hear about your situation , and can completely empathise as I did exactly the same.
The second time , I looked at all the options , IVA , DMP and BR before taking the IVA route , although everyones circs are different.
My wife was so angry and upset , more about the deceit than the financial mess.
I hope you all come through this.

redpete

doneitagain wrote: »

Presents- I left this high as it is covering kids birthday parties and my sons birthday coming up in October, but it will be variable and I am well aware of the need to keep it right down.

Regardless of what you think the children "deserve" for their birthdays if you can't afford much they can't have much. I guess they are still fairly young, if so then they will remember experiences far more than the £ sign on anything. If they are older then they too need to understand the reality of your situation.

Skint_but_Optimistic

Things will get easier, pleased your husband is working with you. Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. Hope you are managing to sleep and remember it will get easier.

doneitagain

Thanks again for all comments.
Just popping in to post a quick update on things. My mum has saved my life by lending us the money for the car. We'll pay it back by monthly by direct debit starting in October and I will let her know the amount we can afford when my income is established. She's been fantastic. Once things have settled down, we will look around to see if we can trade it in for something reliable but cheaper and pay part back in a lump sum.
I now have three interviews lined up and so am hopeful that at least one of them will lead to something. I am still applying for things I see coming up as well.
Although it seemed like husband was coming round he is still really cross most of the time and things are not really any easier at home as yet. Hopefully once I get a position and can give him a more firm idea of what I can bring in we can slowly move forward. Right now there does not seem to be anything I can say to help.
I've started a monthly expenditure sheet and am monitoring everything we spend. Also checking the bank account daily so there are no surprises. Food budget is slashed. One thing I have noticed is that we are only putting one bag of rubbish out for the binmen each week instead of one and a half which is telling.
Sleep-wise, I am emotionally exhausted and falling asleep very quickly at night only to wake several times in a worry about everything I have done and how I am going to make things right again.

Skint_but_Optimistic

Sending you hugs, these things take time. You are on the right track. Just keep swimming.

MrsTinks

I know you are looking at jobs, but have you thought about cleaning? Before my cleaner decided to leave due to college commitments she did 3 hours a week for me and I paid her initially £20, then it went up to £25. I know loads of people round here who want a cleaner but do not want to pay the insane agency fees and never know what person is in their house! Instead I knew exactly who was here, what she was doing and we got on well Also look into the possibility of dog sitting if you have the room and ability - lots of people will pay for their dogs to NOT be in a kennel if they are away... make sure you have the right insurances etc though just in case
If you put enough into it then you could be making it into a business A friend of mine set up her own ironing business - she's now got 3 full time staff to try and keep up! Be positive!

doneitagain

Thanks, yes I have thought about both of those options. My mum has a cleaner she loves and i know i could work that around the school hours. Dog work is also possible- we do have our own dog so I know what is involved- it is mainly having the courage to advertise and get started. I'm going to see how these three interviews (plus an application for a job i would really like that I have submitted) work out and after that if nothing has come of them that is certainly a possibility.

[Deleted User]

Good luck Doneitagain, you're in the right place for help, hugs and advice.

gargrave50

Couldn't bare to read and run, I've subscribed to your thread to keep up to date.

Although you feel (and maybe your husband's reaction has compounded this) solely responsible for the "mess", YOU are the steam behind making plans to change the situation and find SOLUTIONS not dwell on the problem.

Such positive actions can only mean that you will get there. Debt busting is hard. If it were simple everyone would do it, and the banks would be in the !!!!!!. There will be days when you feel like "why bother", but you can do this. Look at the positive steps you have already made.

It takes far more imagination and drive to figure out how to keep a family going on a budget (and far more fun in my twisted mind!), than to go out there spending money you don't have. It doesn't feel good to carry out mounting up debt, but it feels great when you get a break and start seeing your debts reduce. You will get a kick out of it somewhere along the line - I PROMISE:D.

Hopefully your hubby will join in the challenge, but really it needs to be a team effort. No matter how the debts were accumulated, the challenge is to get them down and that takes commitment.

Lots of hugs to you xxj