in really deep trouble

doneitagain

I am looking for help. I've been an absolute fool and got my family into big trouble over the last three to four years. I already got us into massive debt around five years ago and we slowly got things straightened out. Then I let things go again and now we are totally screwed. I've lied and hidden all the finance problems from my husband and family. Now they know and as well as ruining us financially I think my marriage is over. The trust is gone and we are at rock bottom.
The immediate problem is that we have just come to the end of a three year PCP scheme for a car. The end payment (over 8000) is due on the 31st. If we hand the car in we will owe the finance company over 1,000 in repairs (estimate). We would not pass the credit checks for another deal with the company. We have now been turned down for a car loan to cover the end payment because of high borrowing elsewhere.
My husband works in finance and drives over 80 miles to and from work every day. If we default on anything he will lose his job.
I gave up my job in April (and WILL get another one) and we have a 450 deficit in our finances every month.
We have two children and I am terrified I am going to lose them. He is so angry with me (rightly) and if he could afford to leave he would.
As bad as I thought things were, they are much, much worse.

Monthly in and outs:

In
wages 2586
child benefit 130
tax credit 45

Out
mortgage (£150,000 no equity) 556
mortgage loan 130
natwest loan 586 (17,200 outstanding)
my credit card 231 (10,000)
his cc 88 (3,800 balance)
my credit card 48 (2,000 balance)
council tax 135
insurances 161 (pet, car, life, house)
car payment (expires this month) 277
food 300
other 200
petrol 300
water rates 35

We cannot go to a debt plan as my husband would lose his job. Can anyone help me out of this hole?

Many thanks in advance.

Tixy

Hi and welcome

It would help if you could do a full statement of affairs using this link - http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html - this will make sure you account for all outgoings, as at the moment not everything is included, it will also show how far short you are each month for meeting your debt repayments.

When you say husband works in finance what do you mean? a bank or something else?

How soon do you anticipate being able to find work? do you (did you) work in an industry where it should be reasonably easy to find work, do your skills lend themselves to any sort of temping work in the short term?


I'm sure there will be a way out for you, its just finding what will work, and working out how to get everything as cheap as possible to cover that shortfall.

Little_Miss_Uni-Debt

Hello Doneit,

Firstly, it's a great step that you've taken come on here and that you want to sort it all out.

I'm sorry to hear that your husband is not being supportive. What debt is he currently aware of and is he spending on his credit card too or is this some of your debt? If he is spending too then he can't blame it all on you.

You need to go to http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html and fill out the template for exactly what you spend now. You need to get really really accurate. Interest rates, exact balances etc.

You may need to look at the credit card statements to see where and why you're spending. Is it on essentials or shopping or day to day living expenses?

The first part is to get an accurate budget which will help you to stop spending on the cards.

Keep us updated!

doneitagain

Thanks for the quick reply Tixy. Here is the SOA


Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 0

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 0
Partners monthly income after tax....... 2586
Benefits................................ 176
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2762

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 686
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 135
Electricity............................. 60
Gas..................................... 2
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 42
Telephone (land line)................... 39
Mobile phone............................ 15
TV Licence.............................. 8
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 300
Clothing................................ 50
Petrol/diesel........................... 300
Road tax................................ 12
Car Insurance........................... 44
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 30
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 40
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 22
Buildings insurance..................... 39
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 55
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 50
Haircuts................................ 20
Entertainment........................... 50
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1999


Assets
Cash.................................... 1100
House value (Gross)..................... 162000
Shares and bonds........................ 500
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 163600


Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 164000...(686)......0
Total secured & HP debts...... 164000....-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
credit card....................10000.....231.......0
loan...........................17235.....586.......0
credit card....................2000......48........0
credit card....................3800......88........0
Total unsecured debts..........33035.....953.......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,762
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,999
Available for debt repayments........... 763
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 953
Amount short for making debt repayments. -190

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 163,600


I work in admin and have already applied for a few jobs. Kids are off school for two more weeks and then I will take anything, temp or not to bring in some cash- I am determined to see this out and will do whatever it takes to improve things- its just that at the moment it is pretty hellish at home and the car thing is a real problem. I don;t want to say any more about husbands job as it is very confidential, but he is reliant on not having defaults etc against his name and is furious that i have damaged both our credits. Thank you again for your help.
Total HP & Secured debt................. -164,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -33,035
Net Assets.............................. -33,435

doneitagain

The spending has been mine. It has been an attempt to live a lifestyle we really could not afford and we have very little to show for it. Paying 1,000 a month in repayments on credit cards and loans has really done for us. As I said in the initial post I have lied to him about our situation although I have now come clean and told him everything. I do understand his anger as I have completely broken his trust.

zaksmum73

Doneitagain - I am sorry that you're facing such difficulties at the moment.
I can't offer any help as I myself am only just starting to deal with my own huge debt, but didn't want to read and run

I hope your husband and family calm down soon and you can work together to sort out the problem.
This board seems very helpful, I am sure someone will have some advice

Tixy

Aside from the car issue (and I know it is a big issue) then it looks like you are only short by £190 a month, and I would imagine there are probably enough possible savings in your outgoings to claw most of that back if you are really frugal for a while.

Regarding the car, its obviously not going to be an option to purchase this car, could he manage on a fairly cheap run around in the short term? If you could get some income coming in then you could try to put that aside for a slightly better car, and to pay off the shortfall on the car when you hand it back.

So looking at your SoA and cutting it back to the bare bones -

doneitagain wrote: »

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 0

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 0
Partners monthly income after tax....... 2586
Benefits................................ 176
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2762

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 686
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 135 have you done the quick online check to see you are in the correct band?
Electricity............................. 60
Gas..................................... 2
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 42 is this on a meter or unmeasured?
Telephone (land line)................... 39 can you see if you can get a little cheaper (some landline/broadband combinations start at around £25/month)
Mobile phone............................ 15
TV Licence.............................. 8
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 300 I think you should be able to cut back to £250 here, and maybe even to £200 in the very short term to make ends meet - try looking on the oldstyle board section of the forum for lots of tips on cheap meals, meal planning and the drop a brand challenge.
Clothing................................ 50 keep to a bare minimum (I know the kids probably need uniforms soon) any old clothes no longer used you could sell?
Petrol/diesel........................... 300 is this essential miles? does he drive fuel efficently? would public transport be an option at all? or any option for a company car in lieu of part of his salary?
Road tax................................ 12
Car Insurance........................... 44
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 30
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 40
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 22
Buildings insurance..................... 39 shop around at renewal, should be able to get B&C a little cheaper than this
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 55 have you checked its a competitive deal recently?
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 50 need to cut down for a while
Haircuts................................ 20
Entertainment........................... 50
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1999


Assets
Cash.................................... 1100 is this in a savings account or just current account? is it this month's money still or if savings again can you use for a cheap car?
House value (Gross)..................... 162000
Shares and bonds........................ 500 could you sell, maybe to use to buy a cheap runaround?
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 163600


Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 164000...(686)......0
Total secured & HP debts...... 164000....-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
credit card....................10000.....231.......0 find out all the APRs
loan...........................17235.....586.......0
credit card....................2000......48........0
credit card....................3800......88........0
Total unsecured debts..........33035.....953.......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,762
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,999
Available for debt repayments........... 763
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 953
Amount short for making debt repayments. -190

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 163,600

What else do you have around the house that could be sold to go towards a second hand car fund? can you get selling on ebay/gumtree or even a car boot sale?

Little_Miss_Uni-Debt

I think by working hard and finding ways of rectifying the damage and putting you both back on the route to a better credit rating (which I understand is important for his job) that may go towards showing him you intend to change. I think this will ease the anger and maybe even start to repair the trust.

If the spending has been from lavish purchases can you start by returning any of these? Selling, ebay, car boot. Cancelling direct debits for things you don't need. Physically showing that you are giving these things up will make a dent in your debt and show your husband that you mean business and are doing what you can!

awaytogoyet

Hi Doneitagain

Agree totally with Tixy's assessment of your SOA & Miss Uni-Debt's advice too.

Just wanted to say well done on coming on here & facing up to it & add a few bits of advice.

Firstly, I think you must get work, as an absolute priority. This will a) alleviate financial pressures b) demonstrate your committment to OH to tackling the problem & c) leave you with less time to spend!
If you could get someone to look after the children, I would do it asap & literally take anything to get yourself back on a payroll - you can always change employment later.

Secondly to restore some trust with OH plus to stop this happening again - you must analyse in detail what you have been overspending on & why you have been doing it. If you need some outside help with this - seek it. I am not in any way making judgements & being critical - we have all been there & I speak from my own experience in saying that until you tackle that & work on changing your mindset, the problem will never go away.

If you have friends that make you feel you need to 'keep up' - ditch them! They are not real friends & you must put the focus on yourself & your family. If you are 'filling a gap' - fill it with other things - work, hobbies (maybe crafts you can sell) etc. etc.

If you have an addiction - change it to an addiction to these Forums & frugal living. Trust me it's just as addictive & as much fun (infact much more so) than spending. You just need to change your mindset. Look at & get involved in the 'Grabbit' Forum, 'Couponing', 'Old Style' etc. - you will get really into it & reap the benefits.

Agree with Tixy, sell what you can now to get a runaround car & get some work, so another wage starts coming in asap.
Then plan ahead - write down everything you spend - plan your expenditure targets for the next week, month ...... and so on.

Don't buy ANYTHING that is not absolutely essential. Start going to Boot Sales to pick up 50p/£1.00 bargains - I get most of my presents that way - you can't be spending £50 a month on pressies when times are tough! Go to the supermarket late when they are reducing everything, get a slow cooker for inexpensive casserole cooking - the list is endless - just read all the tips on this website.

I sincerely wish you all the luck in the world on this journey & pray to God you can keep your family together & never look back - you will all be stronger & better for it if you can make it. X

Spirit_2

If you prioritize repaying the debts that are in his name, so that it is only your credit rating that is wrecked does that help with protecting his employment?

Him losing his job is not going to help anything.

Look for work now, by the time anything comes up two weeks will have gone by.

chappers

Obviously the car situation is a problem as it seems essential for your husbands work, and one which it seems isn't easily solved.

See if you can set yourself up on a self managed debt programme with your unsecured creditors and explain your situation and check to see that they won't register defaults against you. See if they will close your CC accounts and freeze the balance and allow you to repay smaller amounts so at least your monthly income and expenditure balances, until you can get back to work.

You say you have £1100 cash, is that just residual income or genuine savings, if savings you need you use that wisely along with the money you have in shares (maybe a cheap car is the thing to do with this if the car is essential).

Can't help with the day to day moneysaving frugal stuff as i am pretty useless at that myself, but there are plenty of experts on here.

Speak to your husband has he been enjoying the same over indulgent lifestyle too it might not all be your fault.
Maybe it's his turn to take over the financial reigns now.

Do you have any family who may be able to bail you out in the short term.