in really deep trouble

doneitagain

Thanks I will sign up for that and use the internet banking service as well. My bright thing for the day is that I have been called for an interview next Thursday for a job I applied for this week. Better dig my suit out of the loft.

Tixy

Great news on the interview.

I know you are feeling that you are totally to blame and maybe husband is feeling like that as well. But you are not. He has also been spending the money, he also went on the holidays etc.
You say he won't sell his shares - well he may need to for a car. What was his intention regarding the car? he presumably is well aware that he doesn't have £8k in a bank account that would be needed to keep this car? So if he didn't plan ahead either that is not your fault.
You say he doesn't want to run the finances - well if you are left to deal with it alone and have messed up a bit then, he has to take some responsibility for not helping, or even showing an interest. Especially if something similar has happened in the past.

I hope you'll get through it and together, but you both need to accept that he is also partly responsible for the mess that you (both) find yourselves in.

Good luck with the interview!

doneitagain

Thanks Tixy!

I really am to blame for this and he did ask me what was in the accounts on many occasions and I lied. So he was under the impression that not only did he have that amount in the bank he also did not have a big loan and I did not have a credit card. There has been deception on my part on a large scale. Yes he did go on the holidays and enjoy the other things we did but I have been very wrong in the way I have handled it. His fault was only to trust me. I don't think that will happen again.

dell33

just wanted to wish you all the best with the interview.

jellybean39

doneitagain wrote: »

Thanks Tixy!

I really am to blame for this and he did ask me what was in the accounts on many occasions and I lied. So he was under the impression that not only did he have that amount in the bank he also did not have a big loan and I did not have a credit card. There has been deception on my part on a large scale. Yes he did go on the holidays and enjoy the other things we did but I have been very wrong in the way I have handled it. His fault was only to trust me. I don't think that will happen again.

Good luck with sorting everything out and the upcoming interview. things look bleak at the moment, but it will get better. Hubby needs to help you here he sounds a bit like mine bury your head in the sand and it all goes away!!! Since been on here and done the snowball etc i have showed him and he has got a bit better understanding we cant spend willy nilly out of the bank account and that he has to budget thats hard for him. i used t say his was tight now he the other way and i become the tight one lol. You both need some time on your own away from kids so you can sit down and talk properly to get this soreted. i hope you do good luck xxxxx;)

Skint_but_Optimistic

Hi there, didnt want to read and run...

you will get alot of help on here. You will change your mindset.

I was in your husbands position - in my first marriage. The debt was hidden from me. Part of my anger was the "I should have known" thing. So its not all your fault. Honestly.

I took over the accounts and gave him full visibility, for 8 months I tried to change it. However, he was not interested and continued booking holidays going out etc, as soon as I made a payment on a credit card it was maxxed back up.

I had to leave - I was then working 2 jobs to sustain a lifestyle for him, and I was constantly worried about debt.

However, you are the person who is driving the change, so once your husband sees the positives, he sees the home made meals and shopping in the reduced aisles in the supermarket, how you have made savings on the day to day expenses, his hope will return. At the time, I would have loved my husband to make the effort to put things right which you have.

Start simply, spending diarys, penny jars, cheap supermarkets like L*dl and Ald*. Look at frugal living and the old style boards, read other peoples diarys, it keeps you going.

I am not being glib when I say this, but you will enjoy life so much more facing debt head on, feeding your family good homecooked meals and knowing you are getting the best value out of everything. you can lie in bed next to your husband knowing that you have nothing to hide.

it will get better. K x

doneitagain

Thank you all for some very kind thoughts and wishes.

skintandscared_2

Only just seen this and you are so brave facing up to this. I hope your hubby has calmed down a bit and can see that you're doing everything you can to sort it out. Good luck with the interview!! Also bear in mind that if you are then working over 16 hours per week you may well be entitled to working tax credits, which might help a bit.

Good luck!

JasX

Quick one:

Are all these joint accounts with your husbands name on them? Presumably if some are in your sole name you defaulting / DMPing / IVAing them wouldn;t be recorded against your husband in any way and hence not cost him his job

doneitagain

The loan is in both names as is mortgage. One credit card is his (still has about 800 credit on it) the other two are mine, one in a maiden name. My object with all this is NOT to default on anything, earn more money and manage these debts over the next few years so that gradually they become more manageable.