Please help, I feel totally abandoned!

happysinglemum

I think prioritising (or at least including in your long term plans) full time study, is the only way to go!

Go for it Yaimee! Fulfill your ambitions and set your baby boy the good example all children deserve!

xxx

bodmil

Of course education is important, but not more so than providing financially.

Sam____2

For goodness sake, she was advised to take a year off from uni, sensible really seeing as she'll be having the baby at her exam time. I don't recall anywhere her saying she was taking a year off from work?
She will still be providing financially towards her son, Uni doesn't come free and she'll have to take out loans that will have to be paid back, the same as any other student.
So what some people are saying really is if you find yourself in the situation of being a single mum, you don't deserve to go to uni? get a job - any job, because that's all your worth? pretty sad attitude really. She's trying to better herself and has fallen onto hard times, is that not what benefits are for?

bodmil

If she's taking a year off are won't get a loan, as she's already pointed out. She hasnt pointed out working at all. I'm saying she should continue to strive for a degree in her spare time now that she has gotten herself pregnant and make her full time priority her child from now on. Yes get a job, the beet job you currently can and work up with previously mentioned part time study. Don't get all belligerent with me, I've recommended staying in education and helping herself, any income support on top of that should of course be looked into. What I don't like is the notion she will take a whole year off, then expect to go back to full time education, it's not going to help her graduate prospects at all.

And really, it's not like redundancy or sudden illness. She's gotten it on with an unreliable chap, using unreliable contraceptives at a time in life when she has no income or savings to fall on. She's hardly avoided this situation from happening!

Sam____2

bodmil wrote: »

If she's taking a year off are won't get a loan, as she's already pointed out. She hasnt pointed out working at all. I'm saying she should continue to strive for a degree in her spare time now that she has gotten herself pregnant and make her full time priority her child from now on. Yes get a job, the beet job you currently can and work up with previously mentioned part time study. Don't get all belligerent with me, I've recommended staying in education and helping herself, any income support on top of that should of course be looked into. What I don't like is the notion she will take a whole year off, then expect to go back to full time education, it's not going to help her graduate prospects at all.

And really, it's not like redundancy or sudden illness. She's gotten it on with an unreliable chap, using unreliable contraceptives at a time in life when she has no income or savings to fall on. It's not going to be any easier from now on!

She also hasn't said she won't work, why do you automatically assume the worst?
your reading into the situation things that haven't been mentioned because it suits your way of thinking about single mums, from some parts of your post that's glaringly obvious.
And I doubt very much that she "went and got herself pregnant" as you so nicely put it, usually takes 2 people to do that.

bodmil

If she had planned to work, one would think she would discuss it to understand the implications on the benefits she plans to receive.
It's take two to tango but only one to sort out contraception. And unless you are confident about relying on your partner should the unplanned happen, it makes sense that the one carrying the child should at least look after themselves, it's free afterall!

Anubis_2

bodmil wrote: »

If she had planned to work, one would think she would discuss it to understand the implications on the benefits she plans to receive.
It's take two to tango but only one to sort out contraception. And unless you are confident about relying on your partner should the unplanned happen, it makes sense that the one carrying the child should at least look after themselves, it's free afterall!

Protection does not always work. I could not take the pill due to medical reasons, and two of my children happened because of contraception that did not work.

Sam____2

bodmil wrote: »

If she had planned to work, one would think she would discuss it to understand the implications on the benefits she plans to receive.
It's take two to tango but only one to sort out contraception. And unless you are confident about relying on your partner should the unplanned happen, it makes sense that the one carrying the child should at least look after themselves, it's free afterall!

Neither you nor I know the details of how the child was conceived and to be honest I don't see why you find it relevant, other than to have a go at the woman seeing as it's all obviously her doing *rolleyes*

hundreds of women every year are abandoned by partners/husbands they thought to be trustworthy and reliable, nobody has a crystal ball and can tell what's round the corner, from what I've read, she and her partner had been together 4 years, she probably had no idea he would "do one" when she fell pregnant.

bodmil

I think one has a reasonable idea whether a chap wants a child at the time or not. Regardless, the pregnancy was born out of irresponsibility, that's all we need to know. Yes, life happens, but only if you allow it. I didn't see that it was a 4 year relationship, if that's the case she ought to be pursuing more for financial support for his child. Surely she must know his family or friends to regain contact?

Sam____2

bodmil wrote: »

I think one has a reasonable idea whether a chap wants a child at the time or not. Regardless, the pregnancy was born out of irresponsibility, that's all we need to know. Yes, life happens, but only if you allow it. I didn't see that it was a 4 year relationship, if that's the case she ought to be pursuing more for financial support for his child. Surely she must know his family or friends to regain contact?

try reading the full thread then instead of assuming. How do you know she isn't going to persue support once the child is here? be pretty hard to do that before she has the baby though...