Depression

Let_Robinson_Sing

Tiff wrote: »

Hi lrs!:hello:
How are you today hun? I hope you're feeling better lrs.;)

quote=Let_Robinson_Sing
I am back in college from 2 of the best weeks of my life. I had forgotten how good it felt to feel happy for a substantial amount of time. I am back in college today, It's strange, I feel really teary and nervous about being back. What really does worry me is will i ever overcome depression or will my life be just strewn with little bits of happiness.
I'm glad that you had such a wonderful time angel - I bet it did you the world of good.

When we come back to our routines where we struggle, we're bound to feel down hun. Even more so if your mental ill health is waiting for you when you get back! So what you're feeling is completely normal imho lrs.

Maybe the tears and nerves are down to coming back to your routine - that can happen even if you didn't have depression hun. That's why holidays are so good - you can get away from all the emotions and problems. Ironically, if you were to move to live where you were on holiday, your depression would probably take the next flight out to you hun!:eek:
Give yourself a little time angel and if it doesn't settle down, go and see your gp for an update of everything.

There are some things we just don't know the answer to hun. And to be honest, if we could know, would we really want to? I don't think anyone can predict what's going to happen angel. Even if you do have life-long mental ill health, that's not the same as your life being over or being very hard necessarily hun. People with bad depression can learn to manage it with help and support and have a great quality of life too.

Try not to look at it all as a big mountain all at once hun. That's just going to make you feel worse - not very helpful at all. You're studying, you've got a g/f and you just had a wonderful 2 weeks - these are all positives. It may be worth thinking back to how you were thinking/feeling on holiday and then try and apply the same rules back here at home if you can. Sometimes, it's not a case of where you are but how you are.

The language we use to ourselves and others in these situations is powerful. It's classic to view things in all-or-nothing and black and white terms. We don't realise the effect the way we word things has on our psyche.
Instead of 'little bits of happiness', you may well find life full of dirty great big chunks of happiness angel and I hope that's the case.:T

When we're aware of it, we should try and change how we talk to ourselves - it's not so much about positive thinking but realistic thinking, imho.
Ask yourself if what you're saying is a true picture of what is happening or if it's the way your ill health is making you feel. Remember hun, everything changes - you won't be left feeling like this all the time. Plus you've still got treatment options open that may help you even more, so hang in there angel!;)

On another note i got a letter from the local psychlogical clinic asking if i still needing CBT. does this mean that I am not far from being seen?
Thanks/quote
I'd get in touch and say that you would still like CBT hun. You don't want to turn it down and then further down the road come to regret it. Nothing ventured - nothing gained and all that.

Sometimes, they write to clients just to make sure that they are still in need of help. Some people may have felt better and not feel the need for it now. This leads to wasted appts, which is why they check. It may mean you're near the top of the list hun.
Like counselling, it's very hard work and will require regular practice of what you learn angel. It takes a lot of doing but the rewards at the end can be truly amazing!

Hang in there angel - the party's not over yet!;) There's help around if you need it hun and don't be afraid to go back to your gp - they can't help you with what they don't know about guys. Thinking of you lrs - take care hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Thanks Tiffy, You are a superstar.

I have started calming down a bit, the panic feelings have subsided a bit and I not feeling teary for now.

I am off to see me CPN tomorrow to so will talk to him about things. I know that i wont wake up one day and realise that my depression will be gone but i just cannot wait for it to go.

Yeah i see what you mean i have a beautiful G.F, i am in college and i've just had 2 great weeks and I wouldnt change that for anything in the world.

I Know things will improve over time but it's just getting through this.

I have sent a letter to the psychological department confirming i still need treatment so fingers crossed it will help me

Let_Robinson_Sing

gillette147 wrote: »

Hi folkes,

I'm ok. Sunshine is a good help to me.
Agency phoned tuesday - a firm want to talk to me about a possible job - we'll see.
Picking up g/f tomorrow for whole weekend *smiles*
Trying to let myself be happy.
xxx

Special hugs to Karrie, Cifpower, B's and other in extra pain lately.
Usual (but also very big) hugs to CC, Tiffy, Sazzy, Ethel, RBK, Rosie,GL and pats on the back for LRS, Blinky and LtD.
Anyone I've missed is getting my wishes too.

You're lucky to be seeing you g/f this weekend i've got to wait 7 days to see mine again :(:(

learning_to_drive

Btw Barclays rung me today to ask me if i wanted a job, i thought i had been unsuceesful! She said no but there had been a delay and she apologised for it.

Let_Robinson_Sing

learning_to_drive wrote: »

Btw Barclays rung me today to ask me if i wanted a job, i thought i had been unsuceesful! She said no but there had been a delay and she apologised for it.

yay:T well done:D

geminilady

learning_to_drive wrote: »

Btw Barclays rung me today to ask me if i wanted a job, i thought i had been unsuceesful! She said no but there had been a delay and she apologised for it.

Wow !!well done ltd you are in demand TWO job offers now.Have you decided which you are going to take?

learning_to_drive

LOL it always comes to fruition, as Tiff said, I get frustrated when things dont go my way but a little patience is often needed, i think its cos i get frustrated with slow moving things and have nothing to occupy my time.

Having said that, ive got loads of mystery shops to do over the weekend, 2 tomorrow, did 1 today, i enjoy it, filling in the questionnaires etc.

WH Smiths is the one im taking, I told Barclays today, thanked them but they took forever to let me know what was going on, I thought I had been unsuccesful! She was apologetic and will no doubt give them a rocket, however I have a supervisory role with Smiths that should be good.

Tiff_2

learning_to_drive wrote: »

Money issues again, after all I did to sort myself out, I dont deserve a chance really, sort myself out, people help me and im back in the same boat, im so so !!!! with money.

I needed this time off to sort myself out I accept that, but it has taken longer, but why dont i ever think to budget or only ever think of money ideas (ebay laptop that i dont use, mystery shops etc) when I am struggling>?

Hi ltd!:hello:
Sazzy - get the wet fish!:D

Sorry angel - I know how devastating money issues are and it's not at all funny. I replied to lrs yesterday and mentioned about the language we use to ourselves. You deserve every chance hun - no-one expects you to be perfect sweetie.

Some people are better at some things than others are or sometimes it takes a while for what we learn to be applied to our situations. You try very hard to help yourself, which is more than some others who could do that but don't. That takes some courage hun, to keep trying. :T

Just a thought :rolleyes: (you've probably done it already I'm sure ), but have you filled in Martin's budget form hun? May be a good idea to go over there and refresh yourself on his debt help pack? CAB could also help you work out a budget on a one-to-one basis hun.

Also, it may help if you write down each option as a whole plan with all the possible outcomes for it. Once you've done that for each option you have, you can sometimes get a better picture of what's helpful and not. The trick here is NOT to include any if's or maybe's - try and keep the options very realistic. It's another version of writing down the pros and cons hun.

Try and put the time concept out of your head angel, along with the perfect you picture.;) It'll take as long as it takes hun and as with a lot of things, we have to be patient. As I said to lrs, sometimes it's not about where you are, but how you are and we can turn ourselves inside out with worry.

I know we can't switch off our problems and it would be wrong to ignore them, but sometimes we have to ask ourselves if severe worrying is going to help the situation in any way?

What's important is that one day the debts will be gone if you plan for them and that should help take the pressure off you hun. Debts are usually long term plans and if you look at it like that, then maybe you can relax a little.

You would help yourself hun if you could learn not to be so hard on yourself.;) There's more to life than strict planning for everything angel - don't forget to enjoy it too!

Congratulations on the WHSmiths job too ltd!:T :j :T See, you proved yourself wrong again!;)
Good luck angel. Thinking of you hun. Take care.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi karrie!:hello:
Sorry you've had such a hard time hun and well done you for telling us about it.:T Gem and the guys have given you all the great advice.:A

quote=Karrie
Does this feeling of despair ever go away? I can't stop crying. I have driven for 22 years and now even getting in the car makes me nervous. I am doubting my ability to drive? Why? For the first time ever, I think I am going to have to tell work that I suffer from depression.:mad: No-one knows but it's got to the point I am not coping at all.
If you're feeling worse angel, go straight back to the gp. They can only help you with what they know about. Sweetie, don't be angry about needing help. I know mental ill health doesn't always get the sympathy it deserves but it is a bona fide illness hun.

Sometimes we can be pleasantly surprised by people's reactions when we tell them. It's not always negative. Fear feeds depression and the other way round too, imho. You don't have to tell the whole company/world if you don't want to angel. By telling your immediate boss, you may actually get some support and/or help from them - nothing is impossible.;) Also, some people will admire you for the strength you have had in order to get through everything that you have!:T Asking for help is the hardest but the best thing to do hun. If you burn yourself out just because work didn't know how much you've got to deal with, then that would be sad. I'm sure they'd rather know now and then all your worrying about telling them will be gone hun. Easier said than done I know angel, but very probably worth it.

Cheery face when son is around, floods of tears when he's not. It's getting harder and harder to cope. Why do I insist on not sharing my illness with people? I feel because it's not a physical illness people will think I am useless and can't cope.
Sweetheart, I didn't want to share my problem with anyone because I felt ashamed and useless and couldn't understand why I was feeling this way and not be able to make myself feel better.:o Sometimes hun, we're the ones that find it the hardest to accept it. I've still got my happy-I'm ok thanks-I can manage-everything's fine mask to hand.;) We judge ourselves harsher than anyone else could.

We don't want to share it with others because the 'they won't understand-they'll judge me-I'm too ashamed-I'm worthless' mantra kicks in. But we'll never know until we try hun and there are some very kind people out there.;) If we go ahead and do it, it's one more thing to cross off our worry lists which can only be a good thing.

My son's school appeal in end of May, all our jobs are in question and may be redundant in August. I tell people "what will be, will be" but inside it's tearing me apart. My son was surrounded by the usual kids this weekend and asked for money. I keep looking at the bigger picture and what it will be like if he has to go to school with these kids.
I'll be thinking of you regarding your appeal panel hun - good luck. I'm really sorry to hear about your job being in jeopardy. Maybe that's also why you don't want to tell work yet hun in which case, leave it until you know how the ground lies with that situation.

As for your DS angel, when you get up today, call the police. This is very important. It may seem silly but they are actually committing a crime. They are criminally responsible for their actions and the police are usually keen to intervene these days. It helps the commuity too hun, because your son won't be the only one and the police won't want these little monsters turning into dirty great big ones and will want to stop it, especially when you tell them the history!;)

Involving the police will also help your case with the panel hearing - it will show the gravity of the situation. Don't worry now about what's not happened yet if you can angel - and boy, do I know that's hard! Try and focus on what you need to be doing right now hun or you'll be looking at a mountain that seems impossible to climb. With the police involved, you will hopefully get some more support.

I want to curl up and sleep and sleep and sleep. Shut out all these feelings. I have a docs appt this morning. Don't know why - got AD's last week. She was brill and said to go back if I am struggling. I know it will take at least two weeks for them to kick in but I've never felt this level of despair before. I haven't told my partner. I haven't told my friends. I haven't told my mum. The house is a mess. I look a mess and I just don't give a damn. I am worried that she will sign me off work but if she does, I DON'T want them to know the reason. I couldn't cope with them knowing.
Sorry to go on I will stop now otherwise I will write War and Peace all over again./quote
Of course you're feeling this way hun! If you were doing backflips, then I'd be worried about you angel. From all the stress, your reactions are quite normal sweetie.;) I read further on and saw that you have been back to the gp - well done you hun!:T Hopefully this med might help.;) And if not (God forbid), there are more to try, so try not to worry too much hun.

I think one of the things I've learned about being a survivor angel is that there's nothing wrong with asking for help.:o By not telling the very important people in your life, you're just cutting yourself off from a possible support network hun. If people react negatively, then they are better off burdening someone else. If people love you angel, you'll find they'll stay around and be there for you.

The only things you need to concentrate on hun are the basics - eating properly, washing, rest, laundry and DS. There are no Housework Police karrie and you'll get back into the swing of things when you feel better.;) You're having a really rough time hun. And if anyone wants to criticize, hand them the vauum, a duster and a bin bag!:D
If you can't face food shopping, try and do it online but only on the days when you are really struggling.;)

Back to the work and your sick note - tell your dr the situation hun and why you don't want her to put depression/stress/anxiety down as a diagnosis. She may be able to find another way of describing it.
I don't know what your job is angel but obviously there are health and safety rules that apply to work. I don't know if that's relevant in your case. Hun, you'd be amazed at what you can cope with.;)

Hope this has helped a little hun - no sorrys remember?!;)
Don't worry about how long your post is hun - I have to apologise for the length of my answers! Sorry guys!:o

Things are in hand angel and they will move along at their own pace. Right now, all that's important is you and DS. Call the police today angel and tell them the hell you're being put through - hopefully it'll give the little toe-rags the fright of their lives to get an official warning from the cops!!!:eek: :T And with a bit of luck, if they've already been very bad boys elsewhere, they might get more than that!!!:j
Hang in there angel - you're doing ok!:A You know where we are if you need us.:rolleyes:
Take care hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

beeswing wrote: »

Hi Karrie, I'm so sorry you're feeling so low at the moment - it does get better - that is what keeps us all going.The AD's should kick in soon. I've had the same trouble on and off for years - there is light at the end of the tunnel!!

Hi beeswing!:hello:
to the thread hun and to a really great family network.:T How are you?
You're right angel - everything changes sooner or later. It's so hard when you're feeling really low to even imagine that there could possibly be any way out for us - but that's the illness talking and there is always some kind of answer.
Thanks for your positive reply hun - it helps when we all support each other.:T
Take care angel.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi gem!:hello:
How are things with you sweetie? I do think of you angel and hope you're well.;)
Well said hun.:T You're right on all counts, imho.

I agree with telling your partner - it's horrendous trying to keep the mask in place all the time and if you're in a good relationship, they would want to know what you're going through and want to help. Turn it all around guys - if it was your partner, wouldn't you want to know?;) Sometimes things can turn out better than we thought they would too. It's part of the trust between you.;)

Writing things down is a very good way of expressing yourself and yes you'll probably have a good cry, but it can really help and no-one else has to see it if you don't want them to OR it can be a good way if you find it hard to speak to drs, of explaining how you feel OR you can just rip it up!

I hope all is well with you and yours gem - it's good to hear from you hun. Look after yourself angel.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx