Depression

geminilady

Karrie wrote: »

Does this feeling of despair ever go away? I can't stop crying. I have driven for 22 years and now even getting in the car makes me nervous. I am doubting my ability to drive? Why? For the first time ever, I think I am going to have to tell work that I suffer from depression.:mad: No-one knows but it's got to the point I am not coping at all. Cheery face when son is around, floods of tears when he's not. It's getting harder and harder to cope. Why do I insist on not sharing my illness with people? I feel because it's not a physical illness people will think I am useless and can't cope. My son's school appeal in end of May, all our jobs are in question and may be redundant in August. I tell people "what will be, will be" but inside it's tearing me apart. My son was surrounded by the usual kids this weekend and asked for money. I keep looking at the bigger picture and what it will be like if he has to go to school with these kids. I want to curl up and sleep and sleep and sleep. Shut out all these feelings. I have a docs appt this morning. Don't know why - got AD's last week. She was brill and said to go back if I am struggling. I know it will take at least two weeks for them to kick in but I've never felt this level of despair before. I haven't told my partner. I haven't told my friends. I haven't told my mum. The house is a mess. I look a mess and I just don't give a damn. I am worried that she will sign me off work but if she does, I DON'T want them to know the reason. I couldn't cope with them knowing.

Sorry to go on I will stop now otherwise I will write War and Peace all over again.

Hi Karrie.Just like to say hang in there.Things WILL get better although at the moment you might not think so.You are not "mad" depression is an illness just like any other.There is nothing to be ashamed about please try to believe that.Maybe you would feal a little better if you at least told your partner,he loves you and i am sure he will try to understand.It makes things a lot harder if you bottle everything up and don't tell anyone and you have been brave enough to post on here so that is a good start.Do not worry about the house being a mess housework can wait you need to look after yourself at the moment.I hope you have told your doctor today just how bad you are fealing you said she was good so hope she put your mind at rest.There is always someone about on here and if you want to write war and peace feal free lol,sometimes it helps to write things down,and remember you are not alone lots of us have fealt as bad as you do at the moment but it WILL GET BETTER!

cifpower

I had a bad spell just before easter. I sat by my PC and popped my Dosulepin tablets out of their pack and lined them up on the table. I took one, followed by a sip of water and then another until I had taken all 10. I just sat there and lit a cigarette. An hour after my heart started racing, my legs and arms started shaking and I couldn't breathe properly. I wasn't expecting this - I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.

I rang 999 and was taken to hospital where I stayed for 6 or 7 hours.

I have been off my medication since then and, tp out it bluntly, have been high as a kite. I laugh giddily at nothing and talk to myself about crap.

I finally made an appointment with my GP on Monday and I am seeing her this afternoon. I was not looking forward to it but realised it had to be done.

Karrie

Thanks everyone. Goodluck Cifpower. You're doing the right thing.

I have just got back and my doc was brilliant. I was totally open with her and blubbed. Been given Citalopram instead of Amitryptilene. She was worried that I might do something to harm myself. Yes that's how I feel but I know that I have too much to live for it's just my brain over riding that at the moment.

Karrie

geminilady wrote: »

Hi Karrie.Just like to say hang in there.Things WILL get better although at the moment you might not think so.You are not "mad" depression is an illness just like any other.There is nothing to be ashamed about please try to believe that.Maybe you would feal a little better if you at least told your partner,he loves you and i am sure he will try to understand.It makes things a lot harder if you bottle everything up and don't tell anyone and you have been brave enough to post on here so that is a good start.Do not worry about the house being a mess housework can wait you need to look after yourself at the moment.I hope you have told your doctor today just how bad you are fealing you said she was good so hope she put your mind at rest.There is always someone about on here and if you want to write war and peace feal free lol,sometimes it helps to write things down,and remember you are not alone lots of us have fealt as bad as you do at the moment but it WILL GET BETTER!

You are completely right. Just phoned my partner (we don't live together) and he sounded hurt that I hadn't told him about my visits to the doc. He said he will always be there for me no matter what. Course, again, I blubbed. I just wish I could get over this thing about keeping my illness private.

This site has been a Godsend for me recently. Somehow alot of the advise given applies to me and I do take it on board.

Thank you for your reply. Really, it so much appreciated.

queensway_boy

Hugs to all of you

Karrie wrote: »

I have just got back and my doc was brilliant. I was totally open with her and blubbed. Been given Citalopram instead of Amitryptilene.

A few of us take Citalopram but as usual,give them time to work proper it can take 6+ week.

cifpower wrote:

I finally made an appointment with my GP on Monday and I am seeing her this afternoon. I was not looking forward to it but realised it had to be done.

Good luck cif

beeswing

Hi everyone, I think I've become depressed again because of my debts and forthcoming bankruptcy (11th May). I decided I had to come home from work yesterday because I couln't stop crying, it's so frustrating - for years when I've wanted a good cry - nothing, now I can cry at the drop of a hat!! I was asked to do a different job yesterday, which I have done before, but I thought OMG I can't do this!!! Then the crying started and I had to phone my boss. She was really good, I told her about the BR, and that I was worried about losing my job and she was fine. Unfortunately I have to use holidays for yesterday and today because we only get statutory sick pay, but nevermind. I hope the depression gets easier - GP put me on Dosulepin last week, be glad when the BR is over and done with.

cifpower

Just back from the GP. She doesn't want to put me back on tablets until I see the psychiatrist next Friday who will be in a better position to decide my medication.

She told me to explain my highs and lows in detail and if I become agitated or angry to come right back.

I bought an XBox 360 last week and £120 worth of Clinique products. Have no idea why. Just listed them on ebay.

Tiff_2

Hi hunny - I'm home!:hello: :rolleyes:
Hey guys - how is everyone?
I think a lot of you took your depression outside to get it a suntan. It was so quiet in here - which is a good thing:j - but don't worry, Tiff's been keeping an eye on you all, , and I was down in the archives updating the Tiff files. :rolleyes:

rosie - hi angel. I'm glad all went well with the surgery!:T It'll be worth it in the end angel.;) Before long, you'll be back to this...:j Just don't do too much ok?

qb - thanks for the pm asking how I am.:T I hope all is well with you and yours and that you're enjoying the sunshine. Take care hun.

sazzy - you're very quiet hun!:o Now you've either won the lottery/borrowed the hat fund and jetted off with a playboy or you're exhausted with work and struggling. Hope you're ok angel - thinking of you.

ethel - what are you up to young lady? Has saz picked you up for a fortnight off somewhere exotic? I hope you're ok angel - I've had you in my thoughts hun. Thinking of you. Hope all is well with you and the family.

flissy - well done you on the diet angel!:T I hope you feel really proud of yourself flis.:A How's everything else hun? I envy you being able to get to the sea flissy. I'm not a beach babe - more like a beach ball! :eek:
I am so drawn to the ocean - the way the water moves, the smell, the air. You go easy on that ankle hun.

blinky - hope all is well with you angel? Is everything well with you and r? I bet you're off on some romantic picnic somewhere. Stop by when you can and drop off some hugs hun.:T

ltd - oh hun, are things not so good with you?:o It's a fight sweetie - and not an easy one - and if you beat yourself up too much angel, you'll weaken your resources. Remember ltd - no-one's looking for you to be perfect hun. You're only human angel and we make mistakes.;)

To cm, elona, gem, bunnie, gilly badger, beer, cc, stenny, lrs, ltf, cb2, karrie, rbk, cif, bees, et al...
Sorry for any names I've not actually put in (am an old Tiffy!:rolleyes: ), but you know what us felines are like in the hot weather...



Actually, we're like that anyway!:D :rolleyes:

I have to go now but I just wanted to stop in and tell you to hang in there guys. I can't post now but I'll get back in the a.m. to reply to those of you who're struggling atm.

Remember, although it feels like it, you are not going round in circles and the rough times will change into better ones. And while things are rough, you know we're always here to suggest if we can.:A Try not to over-think too much guys and be kinder to yourselves. It can be a long journey, but you're not travelling alone. There are always better options guys.;)

I know that's not much use to you guys but I'm sending you all Tiffy hugs (which are also not much use!;) ) and I'll be back with reinforcements as soon as I can.:rolleyes:
Thinking of you all.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

EthelBloggs

hiya everyone :hello:

Hope you're all fine and feeling the benefits of the sunshine

Nothing new with me really, just keeping up with everything like usual and plodding on, lol

Big huggs to you all, sorry I'm not around more, I do miss you guys

lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxx

EthelBloggs

:wave: tiffster and blinky