Depression

learning_to_drive

Maybe I wont ever get a job, maybe my recent record at FD and IR (i dont mention them on app forms or owt) will count against me?

Maybe thats silly thinking? Im off work again now with a bad back, I just want a job that takes my interest and that I can work at.

Horasio

This is money saving and depressing, so the right place to post it

I gave our son his monthly allowance in cash but he is still using his bank and he's overdrawing. It was meant to be used instead of his bank. He needs money for petrol and food at uni. He isn't making much of an effort to find work.

He is 19 !!!!!! and it's like having a subnormal child around.

I feel I am being tied to a chair and gagged and having to watch him be stupid. We educated him and he's doing it all wrong MS style, spending his savings last year, now running up an overdraft in the bank.

I HATE STUPID PEOPLE!!!!!

learning_to_drive

Hugs CC, I hope he gets a job soon, I've applied for tonnes, but its not like its a step up career move, its the fact that I absolutely hate my current job, and would do anything at all to get out. I dont hate the work, I hate the nights, my back has gone and I dont envisage returning at all. Its not depression its me thinking I can do a lot better for myself.

wilf55

hi getting desperate

oh is depressed and stays in the bed room all the time not working due to health problems but im sick and tired of doing everything am trying to understand but am depressed myself so is my 18 yr old daughter think his mood is having a knock on effect on everyone dont know what to do to bring him out of it cant cope with it all anymore
debs

learning_to_drive

Has he been to a gp? If not then that has to be the first port of call, things do get better, trust me, I would advise you to read this

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=328775

Its my thread, check the dates then look at my recent postings and you will realise that even the worst problems have a resolution, however, he must go to the gp if he hasnt already been, is ther any reason for this? Any particular trigger, its hard with someone with depression, certainly when I was going through the mill I had no idea what was wrong so I couldnt tell people because I dint know, its easily one of the worst feelings on the planet.

wilf55

hi he has been to gp and psycologist but its getting worse nothing seems to trigger it it just seems to be absolutely everything he says he feels better when he has been to the gym but nothing can motivate him to go no tv in the room just stays up there staring into space please help

Horasio

Tiff wrote:

Hi cc!:wave:

CCStar wrote:

I have got this really delicate problem which has bugged me for years.
I don't feel desired by my OH - we have been getting along well but when I am in the mood/feel loving and think he is too, he turns me down 9 times out of 10 and not very nicely. I haven't approached him since he has felt better this week but I am scared to. I go back to how he used to be towards me when I felt this way.
It is making me feel sad, I am scared to get intimate with him. I never had this problem before I was with him, so I swear it is him but it does my head in and has bought me down big time in the past. Why is the man I am married to causing me this anguish and why was it no problem before we got married?
Before anyone accuses me of getting in a laver about it, it has happened several times which has got me to this conditioned state of expecting to be rejected each time I feel close to him.
Do men only want women they aren't attached to?
No hun, I don't think they do. Not that I'm an expert. I can understand how hurt you must feel when he ignores your advances hun - anyone would feel hurt. Have you both had a conversation about it calmly?
Maybe he takes it as criticism - some men (or women) can feel very over sensitive if the subject is brought up.
Believe it or not, the best time to bring up intimate issues like this is when you're both out together, away from the house - for some reason, it can work well to talk while out for a drive. I'm not being funny cc hun, honestly - it's like neutral territory.
I think everyone changes with life experience hun - people don't stay the same, they grow through life I think. You can't go back to then, you have to look forward angel.

CCStar wrote:

I am in a strange mood today. Things are bringing me down. I don't know where this has come from today. I had a good weekend with my OH.
I'm sorry you felt low cc. At least you had a nice time with OH.:T

I feel deep down most men want to see women subservient and humiliated. Why else do so many abuse children and women? Why do women get pregnant when they are so young? Why don't women do so well or progress at work even if they do well at school? Why were all the things wrong with my life due to me being a woman? Why are women put down for being women?
Imho hun, I don't think this is true.:o There's a whole world of whys out there if you look for them cc. It is true for some sadly, but not a blanket statetment for everyone.

I'm not that unnattractive and my illness wasn't nice but why say he cared when he obviously didn't. Why did he treat me so badly and say he cared?
He might be different now, but today, I feel angry about it - how I was treated when I was younger and more vulnerable. I don't know how to shake it off!
You are entitled to feel pain and anger angel - of course you are! Some things we can't see past. Maybe his youth was also part of the problem? I don't know angel but I think that if this is still affecting you, a return to some professional counselling might be worth thinking about. I know you're a counsellor but the phrase 'physician, heal thyself!' comes to mind. When it comes to our own stuff, we can sometimes benefit from a third party's neutrality and insight more.

CCStar wrote:

...Well he started verbally abusing me for something I have an insecurity about due to his bad treatment towards me over the years...

CCStar wrote:

Big hugs to Ethel, you sound to be going thro the mill
It ain't great here either.
He seems to think it's all in my head and not getting the point of where HE goes wrong. I have had years of counselling, had my operation to sort the health issue out, but he does something wrong, I tell him it has upset me, he gets abusive, then wonders why I'm really upset. He loves to play the guilt card, where my saying I don't like his behaviour is making him do things wrong. We have been together 25 years on Thursday and what I see is a marking of 25 years of sh*te. If he can't know me in 25 years, he never will...
The arguments with OH that you mentioned angel, do those past events keep returning into the argument because of your insecurity? That would be possible hun. I'm not siding with anyone cc. Someone can have hurt us really badly in the past cc, and it's so easy to bring up old thorns in new arguments. Maybe that makes OH feel defensive or not knowing what to do? If you've stayed together all this time hun, would you be able to let old sleeping dogs lie for the sake of your future?

You've said what's upsetting you hun; there does still seem to be some kind of links to the past problems. Have you been able to come to terms with everything hun, whatever they may be? I'm not siding with OH or you hun, I'm just trying to think of suggestions.;)

I know you've mentioned about your gynae problems and how badly poorly you were cc, as well as the counselling. Are you seeing anyone right now hun? Are you on any ads or psych. meds hun? You just seem to be doing an awful lot of suffering cc. You sound so full of hurt and anger hun.

I know tablets don't make everything ok angel, but if they can help you cope, wouldn't it be worth reconsidering? If it's been a long time since you've considered it hun, there've been a lot of advances so why not talk to your gp?
You say you've had a lot of counselling sweetheart, but would there be any harm in seeing another one if it was long ago, or if it was a different counsellor?

And why do men who say they love their wives/partners still feel it necessary to look !!!!!! regularly?
Why do women take sh*te from men and still love them. I'm sick of some men treating women like dirt and thinking it is OK - it is not!!

If feel angry at why he looked at the internet !!!!!! too. Rather than try and sort our problem out, he decided to be sleazy.
I can't say hun. People of both genders have different views on pornography. Some like it, some hate it.
I wouldn't think it's necessarily meant to replace a relationship hun and I'm sorry you're so upset.
I don't know what OH was thinking cc, but I can imagine he was embarrassed to be 'caught' and maybe that's why he can't bring himself to discuss it and feels defensive?

The house is being so S-L-O-W to sell, we got another viewer yesterday but how can you tell they aren't BS you. If they come back, then it's more hopeful but not holding my breath.
I am dreading April when the kids are off school, the lighter nights etc. I hate it even more in the spring/summer here.
I wish you luck with the sale angel. Time is still very new yet so don't panic. Buying a house is a huge decision obviously, so people are going to see more than one property - hopefully they'll get back to you then hun. I can imagine how frustrating it must be for you. Hopefully you'll be somewhere else for the summer - I know it aggravates your stress.;)

Hun, I truly hope that you find some peace of mind from all that anger and pain. You may find that via help from your gp or fresh counselling.
If I've come across as patronising in any way, I don't mean to. I'm just trying to show you options hun that's all, and with good intentions meant. Now look after yourself - you've got a big day tomorrow. :T

Sorry for the length of this cc and everyone. Take care everyone.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Thank you for your kind words and you haven't offended me at all

I hope you are OK

wilf55

hi
his issues seem to be

house is a dump no carpet wallcoverings etc but no money to do it and he wants everything to be perfect lick of paint and a rug isnt good enough for him even tho it makes it look better

he says its dirty not really dirty but lived in 7 of us in 3 bed council house makes not enough room

not enough money he is sick im disabled so doing what we can no massive debts and thanks to this site everything under control

his age 51 nearly 52

the fact that his mates who work hard seem to have it all

and what is the point of it all

also lack of sex and affection but he really turns me off cos he is seemingly uncaring and now subconsciously i have put the barriers up and cant get them down

help please

im holding the family together these days and cant cope i do everything cleaning cooking ebay amazon household chores etc etc and no one else does anything

going under and fast

Pumpkin_Pie_5

Hi all

2nd good day on the run here

I went to the pictures yesterday to see hot fuzz- It was ACE!:j :T :rotfl:

Hugs to all:

Tiff - Hope you're feeling better

CCStar - Try talking to OH out of the bedroom over a bacon buttie and see if the two of you can't work it out - Hugs hun

Wilf - I think its time you went to he doctor yourself hun. tell them everything - Hugs babes and I hope you feel better soon

Ethel - Huggles

LTD - Thimngs seem to be going your way eh? :j :beer:

To all of you lovely people - You're all fab and I love you all



Love n snuggles
Pumpkin xxx

learning_to_drive

Hi PP, quick update, didnt get natwest, but barclays have rung and im off for my assesment / interview next week or maybe even this week later on!!

Hope so, im excited, cant wait to start, chuck myself in and learn things!!

Glad you are well PP,

Wilf55, time you went to the doctor, explain how you are feeling, time for tough love with your OH, if he wont help himself then ??. He has to help himself first and foremost, work out his issues, I listed all mine and it really helped.