Depression

feelinggood_2

This is why I should not have friends.

Life sucks - this is never going to get better - I just wish I wasn't such a wuss. Why do I have to care about other people? If I could do one totally selfish act I'd be happy. Why can't I?

stenny_2

CCStar wrote:

Have a good one - it's a nice day today:)

It was a lovely drive down apart from at Linlithgow, traffic down to single lane on both sides!
Managed to haggle and got a bargain!
Now i suppose i'd better start painting! :mad:

stenny_2

When is it that you go to Tokyo Feelie?
A break will do you wonders hun.

:A

feelinggood_2

Hopefully in March, don't know yet - gotta wait and see.

blinky

feelinggood wrote:

This is why I should not have friends.

Life sucks - this is never going to get better - I just wish I wasn't such a wuss. Why do I have to care about other people? If I could do one totally selfish act I'd be happy. Why can't I?

Oh Feelie

You do deserve friends.
Life will get better.

The fact that you cannot do a selfish act shows that you are a very caring person and it is something you should be proud of. It is not a fault, though i think it predisposes us to depression (just look at the other people here). It also shows that you are good person and deserve to have good things to happen to you.

I wish I knew how to get you to believe this.

Big hugs

feelinggood_2

The more you say it, the less I'll believe it :rotfl: I just cannot have people lying, and promising things. You have to accept that there is a chance (no matter how small) that I won't get better and that I don't deserve friends. There is a chance isn't there?

learning_to_drive

Does it make it easier for you feelie, knowing that there is that possibility that you may not get better and you dont deserve friends?

Does it make you feel panicked, if there isnt that disappointing option?

blinky

I ain't lying hun. That isnt my style.

You do frustrate me tho - partly because I see aspects of how I have been in the past

True there is a v small chance that you won't get better or you don't deserve friends but it's as likely as Newcastle qualifying for the Champions League this year and winning it next year :rotfl:.

Although we go to counsellers, take pills, read books, get support from friends for this illness ultimately it has to come from within - we have to beat it. If we constantly believe that we deserve the worst and never entertain the possibility of anything different it is unlikely that we are going to get better. Although said in a different context the best way I can put it "It is rather like sending your opening batsmen to the crease, only for them to find, as the first balls are being bowled, that their bats have been broken before the game by the team captain". (Geoffery Howe's resignation speech which effectively ended Mrs T reign).

THIS ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD GIVE UP.

Try and have a little faith in yourself. Ask others what they think your best qualities are. They may feel a bit awkward when answering.

On my bad days I don't see anything good in myself - and that is evident from some of my posts. On my good days I know I am reasonably bright (but others would say very intelligent ), kind, caring, thoughtful and considerate. I know I am fairly popular and get on with most people but I don't understand why people like me. On the good days I can accept that. I'm also in a loving relationship with someone who loves me to bits, misses me when I'm not with her and fancies me rotten - again I can accept it but don't understand why she does .

I hope this post isn't too harsh - it's not meant to be.

feelinggood_2

I don't think that accepting that it isn't garenteed that I'll get better is giving up - it is just realistic, and I'd rather be realistic that have my head in the clouds. Maybe its stupid to want everyone else to accept that the small possibilities, but thats just me :-/
It doesn't make me panicky, I just don't want anyone to lie to me - and I see it as lying.
I know I frustrate you - I'll probably wind you all up so much that you'll push me out - its happened before, and I don't mind - its just one of those things. I'm akward and difficult and I am standing in the way of my own recovery. I'm making myself ill, I ask for this, I 'enjoy' being sick, I'm lazy and selfish and this is all my own doing. I know that - doesn't make changing any easier. I just don't think its really worth the effort. I'm trying, but there is more that I could do. But I don't want to. Why not? Because life, up till now, hasn't been worth living, and I can't see it ever changing - so I'm just trying to get through it with as little pain as possible, and if I get a little, tiny, bit of respite from lying on the sofa in my pajamas all day, thats what I'm going to do.

feelinggood_2

learning_to_drive wrote:

Does it make it easier for you feelie, knowing that there is that possibility that you may not get better and you dont deserve friends?

Does it make you feel panicked, if there isnt that disappointing option?

I just think its stupid to believe something 100% - there is (or SHOULD be) doubt in everything. Nothing is certain, and nothing is a given.