Depression

stenny_2

Gotta run, have a nice day everyone,
Hi to feelie, Huggzzzzz


:A

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

My method works well - I refuse to answer the phone People just make me feel bad, so I'll only have contact with them when I want and on my terms.

Just wanted to let you know that I'm not ignoring any posts, I'm reading every post and thinking of you all, I just don't feel like posting here anymore.

What is the matter? Has someone upset you on here or at home? Or are you feeling unwell physically? I feel you get spooked by people, you seem open one minute, then clam up the next. I can relate to that very much!

I was digging at my ignorant mother, not anyone on here. Tho', if the cap fits (not you)..probably because they are triggers that remind me of people who offend me to the hilt, from my schooldays. I know they are ignorant uncaring people but it doesn't stop the hurt. CBB triggered this too, as the witches were just like the idiots I had to endure at school and even my mother has those elements. She is so racist too.

I have little tolerance for ignorant people and they offend me to the max. When it is my mother, it is unbearable. I feel like telling her she is a working class ignorant bint who isn't worthy of her title. I feel abused by her sometimes. Yes, people can say, don't let em get you down but when it is your mother, it is very difficult, as next time she will talk to me she will probably be OK.

It's OK I can't answer every post either, usually because I am too tired or don't know what to say.

Horasio

stenny wrote:

Gotta run, have a nice day everyone,
Hi to feelie, Huggzzzzz


:A

Have a good one - it's a nice day today:)

feelinggood_2

Spooked, yup, that happens a lot. I have been ill recently, but thankfully I'm better I get ill so rarely that it really knocks it out of me. I dunno, I'm open with people to a point, then I realise that I'm starting to get too close, I've given them power, so I cut ties. OH is the only person who I've allowed to be in my life any longer than a few months.

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

I'm pleased that the sign is up

OH is thinking we should move back up north and sell the house in July, I'm trying to persaude him that we should sell the house now and move to Vancouver :rotfl: He has this strange need to not move to the other side of the world - he wants to see family regularly Ahh well, there is always the chance that he'll fall in love with Tokoyo when we go, then we could move over there hehe. Me, running away? Nah

Mothers are strange things, and mine is going through the change too :-/

My mother is 74 and been like this all my life!

Are you both getting on better?, as you were set to leave him a few weeks back.

You sound to be going to some interesting places. We can't go on holiday if we move house. I will decide what to do when the place is sold. It could take a short or a long time to sell. I'm in no hurry but would like to be away from our bullying, uncaring, ignorant neighbours asap! I hope they feel guilty when they see the sign and would love to tell them what sh*ts they are! but won't till we sell. They aren't the only reason anyway but they make me puke and they are ugly:D

feelinggood_2

We don't go on 'holidays' as such - he goes places for work and I tag along. Everything but my flight is paid for by the company. We usually stick a couple more days on the end of the trip so we can make more out of it.

We are getting on better, I'm making more of an effort. Sad thing is, I think most of the problems we are having are just cos of me. I'm not planning on leaving anymore.

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

Spooked, yup, that happens a lot. I have been ill recently, but thankfully I'm better I get ill so rarely that it really knocks it out of me. I dunno, I'm open with people to a point, then I realise that I'm starting to get too close, I've given them power, so I cut ties. OH is the only person who I've allowed to be in my life any longer than a few months.

Yes I understand that, I get that with my mother. I trust to a point then she gets me when I least expect it. So if I feel OK, it is dangerous. If I feel under the weather it is dangerous too.

She turns into this inhuman monster, yet if I stand up to her, she treats me like a nobody, I have no rating with her. I feel abandoned and unloved by her.

The other day, I asked the window cleaner how much he was charging. She said I was being rude. If I am strong, she tells me off and belittles me in public, she wants a weak daughter to bully. She is sick!

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

We don't go on 'holidays' as such - he goes places for work and I tag along. Everything but my flight is paid for by the company. We usually stick a couple more days on the end of the trip so we can make more out of it.

We are getting on better, I'm making more of an effort. Sad thing is, I think most of the problems we are having are just cos of me. I'm not planning on leaving anymore.

Is he making any effort tho'. You can't be two people, it will wear you out and it might get bad again because you are exhausted. He has to meet you halfway and support you when things overwhelm you.

When do things get bad again, what do you 'do' that you think makes the marriage not so good?

feelinggood_2

I'm just 'crazy'. I think I imagine a lot of what he does.

He isn't very good at coping with me being ill - he feels a lot of guilt that he couldn't 'fix' his dad, and I think me being ill reminds him of that. I just gotta explain things to him more.

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

I'm just 'crazy'. I think I imagine a lot of what he does.

He isn't very good at coping with me being ill - he feels a lot of guilt that he couldn't 'fix' his dad, and I think me being ill reminds him of that. I just gotta explain things to him more.

You must have a reason to 'imagine' things and it isn't crazy to you - it will stem from your past or how it looks to you. He needs to learn to be more understanding about what you have been thro'.

What do you imagine him doing?

Men do like to 'fix' people and things and get frustrated when they can't.

It is not his fault his father was ill. My OH is the same. He can't cope and says he wants to fix it. I have spent years saying, it isn't him and he is best letting me be me and being there when I need him and backing off when I don't.

If it is something he has done, that has spooked me, or if I feel low physically, it has to pass. He or no-one else can fix it. Only time and understanding can do that, certainly no more aggro.

I wanted to have a laugh with my mum at the pictures I sent her and she wasn't going to. She criticised a picture of me that I thought was nice, she was racist about CBB, she called the bullies ignorant but she was acting just like them. If I don't agree with her, she has a belittling way of disagreeing with me. She has to nasty for no reason and has no care about how it makes me feel. Why do mothers do this?