Depression

Horasio

Morning all

Woke up feeling good, then I rang my mum whilst feeling in a good mood.

What a big mistake, she spoilt my surprise that I sent her, then put me down for what I said, she seems to condone bullying, and whatever I say is trashed. I feel pretty low just now. She can be such a !!!!! and doesn't care how much she hurts me, me feeling hurt is simply dismissed. She is a bully to me. No wonder I was bullied when I was younger, when I had her depressing me at home.

I married too soon to get away from her it was unbearable living with her, I couldn't grow and she gave me a row every time I came home, I was nowhere near as late as my son is either. I was controlled by her and feel she is still trying to do it now with her money. I want to be able to call her when I am in a good mood and not get bought down. Going out with her shopping is a nightmare, she treats me like a dog and I feel like a nobody when I have been out with her. I have to spend days making sure I feel OK before I can see her, thankfully not too often as it is 450 miles away. I used to live very near her and I felt brainwashed by her. I didn't feel free till I moved up here and it take ages to lose her toxicity. I still get caught out tho' like this morning. It sounds awful but I don't feel I will be free until she dies.

I have a problem with older or bossy women, as I feel they are trying to be like my mother. They are not relaxing and I want to run far away from them.

Right now, I feel like a fat ugly idiot.:(

blinky

Sazbo wrote:

Let us know how you get on with doc, blinky hun. Have a good day, don't work too hard!

Hugs,
Sazxxx

It was only for blood tests - in and out in 10 minutes

big hugs back

stenny_2

Morning CC hun, brb gotta take dog out his walk xxx

Horasio

blinky wrote:

We stayed at the George Hotel, very nice though a bit noisy at night and we did wait over an hour for our room service on Friday night. Didn't go anywhere really, wandered around the shops on Princes Streets, went out eat lunch and dinner on Saturday.

Miro - Good to hear from you. I was starting to worry if everything was okay.

Ethel - Glad you had a better weekend and you had a chance to re-charge your batteries. Hope DD continues to improve.

Better go, gotta go to the doctors. (just blood tests to check everything is okay).

Big hugs to all

The George is OK but I guess it is a town centre and the weekend. Did your room overlook the street?

It really bugs me waiting forever for room service.:mad:

I also hate bad service when I am eating out or staying in a hotel. You don't need more aggro when trying to have a break.

What did you think of Edinburgh? It has changed so much over the last few years

Sazbo

Natty68 wrote:

Hi all,

Just a quick pop in as I am heading off to bed soon. Haven't been in here for ages I'm afraid. Sadly my depression really did rear its ugly head although I was hoping I could shake it off, unfortunately I couldn't Hubby said I had been heading downhill since Mum's funeral early December and I had just kept going till it all came to a major head the other week.

I will be talking to my Dr, this week, about having my medication increased, and possibly going to "group therapy" as the one on one therapy worked for me last year but I really don't think it will work this time. I also want to see if they can reinstate my CPN for me.. I've also got to tell my psychiatrist what has been happening and I dont think he will be too pleased as I hadnt been in touch with the mental health team to ask for help before I got really bad.

At the moment its an effort to just get out of bed during the days, although most of the time I don't actually make that effort till gone 3pm.

But the good news is that thankfully I can recognise when I am getting bad and am swallowing my pride and asking for help from my Dr.

Anyway wanted to pop in and say hi to you all, and offer !!!!{Hugs}}} to those that are in need of them.

So I am off to my bed now, I will see you all tomorrow.

Hi natty :hello: Was wondering how you were getting on. You've also been through a lot, and when it was down to you shouldering everything and needing to be strong, no wonder it all caught up with you afterwards. But as you say, you've recognised that and you've asked for help, so support is on its way. You deserve it hun. Have a good day and take care, Sazxx

Sazbo

CCStar wrote:

I enjoyed the final tonight of CBB.

American Idol is great. I love the Americans' energy and really want to go back to visit. It has been 5 years since last visiting the States:(

Those New Yorkers are right nutters, and felt right at home when I visited there:D

There were a couple of good ones last week.

Carol Bayer Sager so reminds me of Joan Collins:eek:

Simon was on form - he is so funny!

Oh CC, thanks! - it was bugging me all night who that woman was on Americal Idol - in fact I actually thought she was Joan Collins at first!:rolleyes::D

Sazx

Miroslav

clipboard2 wrote:

Miroslav is a.m.a.z.i.n.g.!:T

Wanted: personal bodyguard:
Must be at least 6'6" and have plenty of muscles.

P.S.: I am blonde*

*L'Oreal - because I'm worth it!:j

Well i'm more than 6'6 and plenty of muscles......Blondes are fine.....gonna have to fight Britney and Shilpa for me though...........okay, 1 more won't harm

geminilady

Miroslav wrote:

Just a quick hello :wave:

Not been here for 2 weeks, trying to sort my head out and had some bad anniversaries last week. I'm okay, i'm just saddened by what has happened recently. No contact from 'S' to myself or my flatmate, which is good, as when she contacts flatmate, i'll feel really awful again. I still think of her, it has only been 3 weeks I suppose. I'm just gutted that someone who likes me like that, can't be with me. My confidence has been badly beaten, I can't even hold on to someone who wants to be with me, I feel such a failure.

I shall take 'S' out of my signature She will be replaced by another 'S' though - Shilpa from BB - what a sweetheart she is. I hope to meet someone half as lovely as she is. I don't overly fancy her, I just think she's great

Thanks for the PM's, I will reply in time.

I start my 1 afternoon per week in a charity shop tomorrow, just a start on the road to recovery.

I hope you are all well and that my saddening mood doesn't bring anyone down.

Miro

Hi Miro, It was good to hear from you everyone was thinking of you and wondering how you were.Try not to feal a failure you are NOT you did everything you could to make it work with "S" she is just to ill to cope with a relationship.It is great news about your charity job,i think it will be a boost to your confidance and maybe fill a little of your need to help people.Also it is a big step in getting out in the world again.Lots of luck for this afternoon and don't forget to let us know how it goes

Miroslav

CCStar wrote:

I am sorry to hear about your breakup with the original S. She was a damaged soul and I could see there was no peace for you in your posts.

Yes good triumphed bad on CBB last night - Shilpa is very pretty and certainly had an inner strength to hold out against those horrible bullies. Boy they were a trigger for me! I was unable to watch CBB for the last two weeks, as I felt they were getting away with it too much and Channel 4 were being wimps.

Jermaine is cool too.

I feel kinda chilled and loved up tonight - had a good weekend with my OH but not getting too excited, things don't tend to last with me, but enjoying it while I can.

My news, it's been a blooming hard January, getting prepared for selling the house and getting over the cold I had. It is going on the market today! Finger's x'd things will start to happen soon!

I feel more relaxed now she is not around. I don't have to tip toe anymore. I'm still very sad though at the fact she's not in my life. She was hard work, but I care(d). She's very damaged and she's thrown someone away that would have looked after her.

Shilpa is :cool: Lovely lady. Has all the attributes I like in a lady. She is pretty, some think she is stunning, I won't go that far, but personality wise, a very nice lady :cool:

Jermaine is laid back :T

Good luck with the house sale, hope it's quick and easy :T

Miroslav

Tiff wrote:

Have you not heard about our miro () and The Great Blue Smartie Cupboard ?[IMG][/img]

Someone changed the lock on the cupboard again