Broody when your kids are older?

lisa_75

Pauper_Princess wrote:

Thing is DH brings home about £1,000 a month after tax - half of that goes straight out on the mortgage! We've looked at downsizing but the house prices round here are just ridiculous. At the moment we live in a 3 bed semi in a good area with a drive and garage, we had it valued last year at £150,000. Now we're looking at £120,000 plus for a 2 bed mid terrace with no parking and probably no garden!!

There just doesn't seem any way we can afford it, we've been through it a thousand times. It doesn't look like we'd been entitled to any benefits other than the usual child benefit thingy that everyone gets.

Sorry, I'm hijacking the thread Didn't mean to.

£500 a month for a mortgage on a 3 bed terrace is a bargain. You are very lucky that you bought before the boom.

It sounds like a nice house. I wouldn't sell, as a 3 bed semi is the perfect size for raising a family.

As others have said you would be entitled to tax credits and child benefit. With your husband being a postie, you could work part time in the afternoons.

My friends husband brings home a similar wage and they manage with a similar mortgage and 3 kids.

Up until a few years ago my husband was earning less than £10k. We managed, because you just do. We still don't feel any better off, even though now he is earning over £30k as you always spend to your means.

However much money you have, it is never enough!

nearlyrich

I have 2 grown up children 21 and almost 20, older one is in his final year of uni and younger has just left uni and got a job, there is light at the end of the tunnel for me to start seriously thinking of working less as they are almost self sufficient.

I like the fact that we can just go out without any planning etc, go where we want on holiday no worries about the expense of school holiday time hols and keeping two little ones entertained.

I have friends my age (45) with children much younger than mine, and I come from a large family where I was one of the older ones, my youngest brother is 13 years younger.

I am lucky that my OH has older children with babies so I get the best of both worlds but I would not like to be responsible for another child under 18 at this stage of my life.

Pauper_Princess

Spendless,

Thanks for that link. It looks like we would get £17.45 child benefit and £38.25 child tax credit. That would go some way towards meeting the bills!

I would definitely look for something part time but we don't have any family to help out with childcare during the day - my parents died some years ago and Dh's mum has made it clear she doesn't want to be "palmed off" with it!

EDIT: lisa, just saw your post - thanks for that! I suppose it's hard when you don't know anyone surviving on similar wages... it's good to know that some people do though... and you're right, I don't want to leave this house, I love it here!

lisa_75

nearlyrich wrote:

I have friends my age (45) with children much younger than mine, and I come from a large family where I was one of the older ones, my youngest brother is 13 years younger.

I am lucky that my OH has older children with babies so I get the best of both worlds but I would not like to be responsible for another child under 18 at this stage of my life.

This is also a thought that is on my mind. When I am 40 my children will 19 and 21. It does seem such a long way off now, but it is only 9 years. My parents and my in laws were young parents and had all the kids out of the house by the time they were 45.

chinagirl

Very true what another post said about the older children still needing you to be there for them. My DS1 was 6 when DS2 was born, and 10 when DS3 was born. He gave us hell, as was really jealous of the time we spent on his little brothers, even though he wanted for nothing himself. He played up at school, was no help at all with the youngsters around the house. I feel it was a direct reaction to me and DH having our time taken up with his brothers, and realised that even though kids become teens, they are still kids inside.
Things are better now, as he is a mature young adult studying at college, and I can leave the younger ones with him and go shopping etc, (not for too long a time,...don't want to push my luck though:) )
I know that if I were to have another baby now, I would get a repetition of that reaction from the DS2 and DS3.

Also, I did find it very hard going places that would interest a pre-teen, and toddler and a baby. (Although we had a fantastic day out at Legoland when they were all aged 2, 6 and 12. Mind you I seem to remember 2 year old wondering off whilst I had took DS1 on a big ride and DH was looking after the other 2...few moments of panic... you do need eyes in your bum!:)

I shall just have to enjoy my cousins twin girlies instead, we are very close, and I am already God-mother to her 10 year old twins so hoping to be chosen for these two as well. (I am sure she would welcome the break when I offer to take them for a few hours, as she can spend some time with her other 3 children then).

Spendless

chinagirl wrote:

Also, I did find it very hard going places that would interest a pre-teen, and toddler and a baby.

I think that is also a good point. I am 7 years older than my only sibling and I always disliked it and vowed I'd not do the same (circumstances allowing). My sister seemed to be quite put out when I said how I'd disliked the age gap to her a few years ago, but could see my point when I said where do you take/how do you entertain a 3 yo and a 10yo at same time.

Lisa, not sure whether you've got boys or girls, but you have mentioned space being pushed with a third. Would 1 of your children have to share a bedroom with baby? and if so, how do you think they'd be about this?

busiscoming2

Hi I'm 43 and have 3 children, two from my first marriage -girl 19 at uni, boy 16 in 6th form and a son aged 9 from my current marriage! I had always wanted 4 kids but my ex had other ideas so we stopped at two, my now husband wanted a child of his own which was fine by me, my only regret now is that I didn't have another after him, mainly because now as the age gap has widened he is like an only child and after seeing how well the first two played together, I feel he has missed out.

As regards space we live in a three bedroomed house, and have sub-divided one of the two larger rooms - so we all fit in nicely! There is always a way round the space issue.

Slapps

go 4 it girl, i'm 33 and have a lovely 2 year old but i want more (@ least another 2 ) and also wot better job can u have than bring up ur own children tho i admitt the money pay is rubbish but ohhhhhhhhhh the love pay is out of this world
good luck

3KIDSNOMONEY

I have 3 kids, two girls 10 and 8 and a 3 year old boy. I also regret not having another straight after my youngest, feel really broody now but if i have another child my youngest will be coming up to 5.

If we all weighed up the pros and cons of having children we would all be childless wouldn't we. We give up so much, time, money, experiences and sometimes don't get a lot back.

Feel now that we can do things with the kids which we can all do, i.e. cinema trips, camping, and if we had another child that would all go.

We live in a 3 bed semi as a family of 5, sometimes feel that we need more room, but when I was growing up we were a family of 9 in a similar sized house!

Dormouse

I think it's natural to feel broody at 31 - stupid hormones - I know, I'll be 31 this year

I know it's not an easy decision for anyone, but I do agree with the posters who have pointed out that there's never a perfect time to have a child, and there is never enough money.

We have a 3-year-old and I want at least one more. It does mean that we won't be able to afford our own house for a while yet, and my career is going to have to wait. I don't mind really.

My theory is, no-one ever regrets having a child (not really ), it's not having one that people regret. I'm an only child myself, and I know my Mum always wanted more (but couldn't for medical reasons), and my grandmother was the same.

It's not easy, eh?