Broody when your kids are older?

black-saturn

I'm constantly going backwards and forwards with really wanting another baby and then definately not wanting one. Next year I'm getting married to a man who has a 16 year old daughter and I have 2 daughters who are 12 and 9. I think it would be really lovely to have one together. I was treated really badly through both my pregnancies by my then partner and really suffered emotionally and physically because of it. I've never experienced being pregnant and your partner being proud and looking after your welfare. The mentality of my ex was "you do all the housework and job and if you have a miscarriage so what?".

But then on the other hand I'm only just starting to get my own life back. I'm retraining in another career and the children are now less reliant on me. I remember all the sleepless nights, sitting on your own all night with your boobs hanging out and going out with sick down your back because you didnt know it was there. And the job I hate the most is tooing and froing to the school every day. It's so mind numbing and monotonous to me. I was also really ill with my last pregnancy and nearly died in childbirth. I obviously wouldnt want that to happen.

So if I could make my mind up one way or another I would settle on it.

Cazzywazzywoo

Maybe you are just feeling broody because you feel like it is your last chance (although age wise it is obviously not).

I wouldn't rush in to anything. Wait 6 months or so and see if you still feel the same. I had 3 children and at one stage wanted to go for a 4th. I waited for a while and the feeling passed. I was just temporarily broody.

My life has now moved on and I am happy with 3 beautiful children. I also have a successful career, nice house and fantastic holidays. The best of all worlds.

If I had had a 4th we would have struggled to have had the current lifestyle (I know this isn't everything, but if you can have it all, why not?). Life is about compromise and you need to decide where your compromise is going to be...............

I still coo when I see a baby, but don't regret a thing.
Make the right decision for you and your family.

Good luck what ever you decide

Cazzy

Pauper_Princess

Interesting thread!

Can anyone give me any advice as to how to stop feeling broody fullstop??

I'm 32 - 33 this year - but I'm starting to feel like we'll never be able to afford to start a family. Christmas always makes me feel broody and I feel like time's running out and I REALLY don't want to get as depressed about this as I did last year - and the year before!!

Any ideas on how to stop these feelings? I don't know anyone with a baby, or even small children... all our friends either had them young, so their kids are like 10+, or like us don't have any at all, but they seem happy not to want any at any time!

Sorry for waffling

Loopy_Lobes

I'm 35 and have two children aged 9 and 12 and am currently 8 months pregnant with the third. It wasn't planned and was quite a shock but we are really looking forward to having the new baby now. My children are really involved with the whole process and it is going to be a fab learnng experience for them. The pregnancy feels very different this time, mainly because I'm older and more laid back I think and I'm hoping this will carry on once the baby is born and I'll be a much less neurotic mother than I was last time. All in all it feels right and I am glad it happened to us.

I would say if you really want another child go for it as long as you have the space, money and time to devote. If you wait a few more years the gap between your children will be far wider and there's always the risk you may have trouble conceiving.

Loopy x

lisa_75

Pauper_Princess wrote:

Interesting thread!

Can anyone give me any advice as to how to stop feeling broody fullstop??

I'm 32 - 33 this year - but I'm starting to feel like we'll never be able to afford to start a family. Christmas always makes me feel broody and I feel like time's running out and I REALLY don't want to get as depressed about this as I did last year - and the year before!!

If you wait until you can afford to have a family, you will never have one. If you are 32 you really need to start thinking about this seriously. It is one of the reasons I am thinking about this now. I am 31 and feel that I have to get on with having another child or forget the idea. I certainly don't want to be having any children past 35. It is hard enough coping with teens now, never mind when I am 50.

Inside I feel 18 and it would not be the best thing for us financially, but nature does not wait.

alwaysskint96

Umm well I have a 15 year old, 12 year old and a 3 year old

Wasnt so bad when the youngest was a baby- but now with the older 2 becoming far more independent I definately feel as though Ive taken a step backwards to still be restricted by a pre-schooler when Ive already " been there, done that" and feel I should be having a bit more freedom now

However my 3rd was unplanned so I well may have felt differently if he had been planned

Pauper_Princess

Lisa,

Thanks for your reply.

I'm in such a mess - I've spent my entire life until now studying for exams to progress my career (mainly cos I love studying though!) and I've been qualified for a few years now... the thing is I really HATE my job (it's got worse as I've progressed and I hate the responsibility). I really can't face being a working mother and never seeing my kids. Hubby is a postie and we can't live on his wage...

I'm going to end up one of those lonely and bitter old women aren't I!!

Are you going ahead with a third then? I envy you so much... good luck

black-saturn

Pauper_Princess wrote:

Lisa,

Thanks for your reply.

I'm in such a mess - I've spent my entire life until now studying for exams to progress my career (mainly cos I love studying though!) and I've been qualified for a few years now... the thing is I really HATE my job (it's got worse as I've progressed and I hate the responsibility). I really can't face being a working mother and never seeing my kids. Hubby is a postie and we can't live on his wage...

I'm going to end up one of those lonely and bitter old women aren't I!!

Are you going ahead with a third then? I envy you so much... good luck

You will get by. I live on £660 a month with 2 children!!

Pauper_Princess

black-saturn wrote:

You will get by. I live on £660 a month with 2 children!!

Thing is DH brings home about £1,000 a month after tax - half of that goes straight out on the mortgage! We've looked at downsizing but the house prices round here are just ridiculous. At the moment we live in a 3 bed semi in a good area with a drive and garage, we had it valued last year at £150,000. Now we're looking at £120,000 plus for a 2 bed mid terrace with no parking and probably no garden!!

There just doesn't seem any way we can afford it, we've been through it a thousand times. It doesn't look like we'd been entitled to any benefits other than the usual child benefit thingy that everyone gets.

Sorry, I'm hijacking the thread Didn't mean to.

Spendless

Pauper_Princess wrote:

Interesting thread!

Can anyone give me any advice as to how to stop feeling broody fullstop?? I don't think you can, when mine went away it was because I realised I was in sight of youngest going to nursery, me finally having some time to myself ,being able to go back to work etc. I became more excited about the life I was going to have if I DIDN'T have another child (BUT I also have medical reasons to not have another and this will have also played a part)

I'm 32 - 33 this year - but I'm starting to feel like we'll never be able to afford to start a family. Christmas always makes me feel broody and I feel like time's running out and I REALLY don't want to get as depressed about this as I did last year - and the year before!!

Any ideas on how to stop these feelings? I don't know anyone with a baby, or even small children... all our friends either had them young, so their kids are like 10+, or like us don't have any at all, but they seem happy not to want any at any time!

Sorry for waffling

From the rest of your posts, have you had a play with this site to see what tax credits you may be entitled to www.entitledto.co.uk

What about working part time, or on a evening or w/end, even in a different type of work. Any family who could help out with childcare?