i need help i am upset please



  • sorry i just have to say the other posts were on a previous forum.This is the first post on this paticular forum the over 50s tonight.I am not used to the lap top i am on at the moment,so if i offended you i am sorry. I know from using the other forum i was on that you can get people on who like to wind you up,i am not one of these.You are rude too to say the comment about a first post,I was very much helped with another forum at that time i guess it is just luck who is on at the time.I have not been lucky this evening,
  • jenniferniljennifernil Forumite
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    I really don't think McKneff intended to be rude or upset you.

    I am not sure why, but it is a fact that things are much easier to read if they are broken into smaller paragraphs. Grammar doesn't matter much, as long as it can be understood. But big paragraphs are VERY difficult to read, especially on a small screen.

    Sometimes it is so bad to read that people who may have been able to help just do not read the post.

    So, for maximum assistance, it would be a good idea to use the "edit" button, and try to break it into smaller paragraphs.
  • ErrataErrata Forumite
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    MUM trusts her completly an doesnt realise what all this means,she just thinks sis can be trusted to see to her.

    As I wrote in my previous post. if you wish to object to the POA being granted, do so as a matter of some urgency.

    Your grounds for objection would be that you believe your mum does not have the capacity to give someone POA (your words above indicate this).
    The solicitor (who apparently will be joint attorney with your sister) has acted fraudulently in allowing someone without capacity to give him POA.

    I hope this helps, you can look up the phone number for the Office of the Public Guardian yourself.
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
  • margaretclaremargaretclare Forumite
    10.8K Posts
    I agree with jennifernil and McKneff. No one here wishes to upset you, but it is a fact that you are much more likely to get help and sympathy if your post can actually be read and understood. Otherwise, one's eye simply skims over it and the brain does not take it in.

    What I managed to glean from it is that your Mum has advanced Alzheimer's. In that case, as far as I know she is unable to give power of attorney to anyone - her condition has gone much too far for that - and that, in that case, the only option is the Court of Protection.

    Giving power of attorney to someone else means giving them the power to deal with your affairs, money and property. If you no longer have the capacity to make rational choices and decisions then you can't do that.

    It's well known that in Alzheimer's cases the person may not even recognise people close to her. It has been known for a wife to fail to recognise her husband of 50 years and to scream that 'a strange man is trying to get into bed with her!' My late mother-in-law mistook her own son for her father-in-law, his grandfather, and reacted angrily every time he went to see her. This kind of thing is very well known in cases of this illness. The Alzheimer's Society may be able to help.
    [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Æ[/FONT]r ic wisdom funde, [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]æ[/FONT]r wear[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]ð[/FONT] ic eald.
    Before I found wisdom, I became old.
  • McKneffMcKneff Forumite
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    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    My apologies if I upset you/your wife, there was no offence intended. I get upset if I upset other people, there now, I'm upset, does that make you feel better.

    I wanted to help but your post was so difficult to read. It wasnt the spelling or the grammar, it was just the way it was laid out, and thank you to the other posters who supported me.

    Sometimes, defensive posts like yours actually make people who can help a great deal, hesitate in posting.

    Hope things sort them selves out.
    make the most of it, we are only here for the weekend.
    and we will never, ever return.
  • NARNAR Forumite
    4.9K Posts
    Funny how husband and OP type exactly the same way! ;)
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    alanq wrote: »
    If Mum was competent when assigning POA then SHE decides who has to be informed. Relatives have no right to be informed.

    Thanks for that. We set these up under the old system and there was a list of close relatives who had to be informed so that they could lodge an objection.
  • edited 12 August 2011 at 9:42AM
    blue_monkey_2blue_monkey_2 Forumite
    11.4K Posts
    edited 12 August 2011 at 9:42AM
    hi everybody i will rant on as i am so upset an probably dont know the correct terminology.

    My mum has stage 2 altzeimers, some days fine other days in cuckoo land. We have just winded up my late fathers estate which has taken 9 month. 'We' are my sister and I. I am the eldest by 10 years and we are both married.

    My shock came when we went to the solicitors to end my dads estate and everything has been left to mum. I then found out that my sis and mum have been going to the solicitors for the last 5 month to put POA in place for mum with my sister been the attourney.

    I had no idea that sis has been involving mum, who is only a little confused at the moment, sis told her that she could take charge of her shopping and pay her bills, and mum (who had never heard of poa), thought that this would keep my sis close.

    I found out from mum yesterday after a visit to the solicitors, that as mum was told not to tell me I wouldnt be notified on the notification list as I 'would be worried'. It has to be kept a secret from me.

    The solicitor - who is a good one - told me I had no need to be informed as mum had said not to tell me, also, no other relative was informed. Sis has been granted lasting power of both medical an finances, and it is in mums will to say this. I was so upset that the solicitor told me he was the other attorney and that sis would not be able to sign checks ect without his signature. They both have to sign together.

    It will be granted in 3 weeks time as far I can gather, as far as I understand (with taking advice) it has all been done correctly. However my mum is wealthy and my sis has told me that she has the power not to let me in or even see mum if I upset her so I'd better be careful, she has the POWER (her words). Mum trusts her completely and doesnt realise what all this means, she just thinks sis can be trusted to see to her. My problem is my sister says I have to be careful not to upset her, she has power to do anything she wants - all mums medical care and finances are her decision. I dont trust her but reading others stories tell me, as we all know, it will be all too late when money starts drifting away, I find she probably can't sell house without the other signature, but she could give it away to her husband!! Is this correct? I am worried and I can't sleep.

    Rant over thanks for your help

    I've broken it down for you OP so some more people can help, hope you did not mind. I don't think it is contructive to attack post from people who are obviously upset when 5 minutes of your time to just repost for them so that it is easier to read. Not everyone is as computer literate - especially when they are desperate for help. I hope I have worded it correctly for you OP. It doesn't really matter now, I hope the OP comes back.

    However, I would say you need to speak to YOUR solicitor TODAY!!
  • edited 12 August 2011 at 10:23AM
    monkeyspannermonkeyspanner Forumite
    2.1K Posts
    edited 12 August 2011 at 10:23AM
    I am not sure what effective steps you can take to protect your mother's interests but here are some thoughts.
    - It would be malpractice if the solicitor went ahead and processed a POA knowing your Mum lacked mental capacity.
    - You say your mum has "never heard of POA" the solicitor should have explained in detail what a POA entailed and its implications.
    - If it was my Mum I would be concerned about the cost of having a solicitor involved in administering a POA.
    - As the process is already advanced I would contact the Public Guardians office express your concerns and ask if there is a process by which you can get the granting of POA reviewed. As previously sugested you may be well advised to get your own solicitor to act on your behalf.
    - Your sister isn't very well informed if she thinks that she has "the power", I assume by that she thinks she can do anything she likes. Her powers are limited to making decisions in your mum's best interest and financially she will need to keep a record of expenditure. Doctors should not comply with your sisters decisions if they felt it was detrimental to your mum.
    - Have you any idea why your mum and sister have cut you out of this process?
  • blue_monkey_2blue_monkey_2 Forumite
    11.4K Posts
    Some people are just like it monkeyspanner. My nan is in a home and there are 5 sisters, the eldest gave POA to my mum as she was nearer to nan - sister 4 is always trying to do things, she tried to get my nans HA house, she managed to get the care home to move her to a different room (the care home did it, the other sisters were furious) she has taken my nans letters from the home and taken them home and then called the other sisters 'demanding' to know where her pension has gone. She calls the other sisters demanding to know where peices of jewellery have gone as she was 'promised it' by nan. Things like that really. She has a really nasty husband who - after so many years - has brainwashed her into thinking she, and only she, has any right over my nan. My nan was taken to the home and within 24 hours they had cleared my nans house of the things they wanted (were of any worth).

    You really cannot help some people - they are just greedy and self centred. My sister is the same, she has already clearly told another sibling that our mums money 'is her inheritance' and she could not be bothered with my dad until he got half of my nans money and then she was around him like a fly round sh*t. SOme people are just greedy and are control freaks. My sister (the one mentioned just here) made my mum put everything through her bank account so she could see what she was buying, paying for, how much money she had etc.... I believe she has herself as signatory on some things too. Control Freak!! Obsessive Control Freak.
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