Real Life MMD: Should my husband move away for a better job?

clearmydebts

rampantghost wrote: »

No dilemma. Wake up, smell the coffee and earn the money. Short term pain, long term gain, etc. Plenty of people are in this situation. Some do not have the choice. How about all the married soldiers in Helmand for 6 months at a time. They would love the chance to come home at the weekends. Grow up.

Why is there a need to say grow up? I am weighing up options and looking for advice. So easy to be nasty when you are hiding behind a computer!!!

Every situation is relative to the person dealing with it, or is everything so black and white in your life???

Oh - have just seen it is your first post. So you just logged on, said something nasty and logged off again. What's the bets you don't even reply to me.

Birdie85

cashbackproblems wrote: »

This...some people have no sense. You are simply bringing a child into the world who wont have the best chances or ability to experience things which others will.

What, like you?! What a completely unfair and untrue statement to make!

When my parents started their family they were just scraping by, they couldn't afford to buy the very best of everything for my brother and I, they went for years without a foreign holiday.. but we didn't know, nor did we care. We were loved and looked after which is the most important thing. When I was young my Dad got a very good job, earning very good money and the family's fortunes changed. Just because OP isn't in the greatest position right now that doesn't mean that she'll be in this position forever.

My Dad worked away a lot when I was younger, sometimes for weeks at a time, and he was in Russia in the 80's so communication was very poor. It hasn't scarred me for life, we have a great relationship and it actually made the time we spent with him when he was home very special. My parents are still married so I don't think it had a detrimental affect of their relationship either.

I think that the plan for your OH to do compressed hours and to spend the long weekends at home with you is a good one. It doesn't have to be forever, you can regroup every 3 months or so and make sure that you're both happy with the situation. I worked away from home very briefly (only a month!) but I wouldn't be against doing it again, it makes the time you do get together special and what do you really do together 90% of the time on a weeknight anyway? Probably you sitting around watching TV/reading/worn out from running around after a toddler and a baby (soon enough anyway!) whilst he attempts to study, so it's hardly truly quality time you're losing out on!

I really hope you and your hubby find the best solution for your family, and that you get that pesky debt paid off as quickly as you can!

ETA: Forgot to add this in my rambling; I know you and I know that you're a brilliant Mum, to even question that is insanity itself. Your LO wants for nothing, nor will your new one.

joehoover

This is a no brainer, yes he should go, it's a contract so it's not forever and he will be coming back at weekends anyway, many families do this and even ones that don't parents mostly get back so late from commuting that the kids are in bed anyway. You'll end up doing far more as a family at weekends. Whether it's 6 months or a year, the chance to get rid of the debt cannot be overlooked. I have had my debt for 15 years and still about a year off clearing it, it is been a scourge of my life and I regret the day I took out that first credit card, don't waste so many years in debt, you have to think of your family's future and debt free is the best future for them, no money worries will create a better homelife for your family.

Going back to Ireland is a good choice if you will have your family to help you, though could you not got to Germany? Could be an exciting adventure, so many expat communities everywhere now, it won't be a problem, you'll pick up the language easier living somewhere and to be honest depending where you are English is pretty much a second language for many there, I've found them to be friendly and helpful when I've visited Germany.

clearmydebts

Birdie85 wrote: »

What, like you?! What a completely unfair and untrue statement to make!

When my parents started their family they were just scraping by, they couldn't afford to buy the very best of everything for my brother and I, they went for years without a foreign holiday.. but we didn't know, nor did we care. We were loved and looked after which is the most important thing. When I was young my Dad got a very good job, earning very good money and the family's fortunes changed. Just because OP isn't in the greatest position right now that doesn't mean that she'll be in this position forever.

My Dad worked away a lot when I was younger, sometimes for weeks at a time, and he was in Russia in the 80's so communication was very poor. It hasn't scarred me for life, we have a great relationship and it actually made the time we spent with him when he was home very special. My parents are still married so I don't think it had a detrimental affect of their relationship either.

I think that the plan for your OH to do compressed hours and to spend the long weekends at home with you is a good one. It doesn't have to be forever, you can regroup every 3 months or so and make sure that you're both happy with the situation. I worked away from home very briefly (only a month!) but I wouldn't be against doing it again, it makes the time you do get together special and what do you really do together 90% of the time on a weeknight anyway? Probably you sitting around watching TV/reading/worn out from running around after a toddler and a baby (soon enough anyway!) whilst he attempts to study, so it's hardly truly quality time you're losing out on!

I really hope you and your hubby find the best solution for your family, and that you get that pesky debt paid off as quickly as you can!

ETA: Forgot to add this in my rambling; I know you and I know that you're a brilliant Mum, to even question that is insanity itself. Your LO wants for nothing, nor will your new one.

Thanks for the lovely post Birdie xxx

Actually having read your post reminded me of bits of my childhood. My parents had very little money due to my Mum being a stay at home Mum and my Dad's wages were very poor. They couldn't afford a car and my Dad hitched to work every day for 20 years to a job that made him feel sick to his stomach.

I knew none of this until I became an adult. We didn't have fancy holidays when we were younger but we got beautiful Xmas and birthday presents and we didn't miss out on a thing. I come from a very secure and loving family and luckily now my parents are very comfortable.

Yes, they weren't as stupid as me, as in they had no credit card debt, but maybe some people would have questioned why they had 3 children when they had so little money. I am proud to come from such a hardworking family and I will get my debts paid off, but even when I do, I won't be lavishing expensive holidays and material goods on my children. Money doesn't buy love.

clearmydebts

joehoover wrote: »

This is a no brainer, yes he should go, it's a contract so it's not forever and he will be coming back at weekends anyway, many families do this and even ones that don't parents mostly get back so late from commuting that the kids are in bed anyway. You'll end up doing far more as a family at weekends. Whether it's 6 months or a year, the chance to get rid of the debt cannot be overlooked. I have had my debt for 15 years and still about a year off clearing it, it is been a scourge of my life and I regret the day I took out that first credit card, don't waste so many years in debt, you have to think of your family's future and debt free is the best future for them, no money worries will create a better homelife for your family.

Going back to Ireland is a good choice if you will have your family to help you, though could you not got to Germany? Could be an exciting adventure, so many expat communities everywhere now, it won't be a problem, you'll pick up the language easier living somewhere and to be honest depending where you are English is pretty much a second language for many there, I've found them to be friendly and helpful when I've visited Germany.

Hi Joe,

Thanks for the post. We have decided that OH will stay in the UK and take compressed hours and come back to Ireland every Thursday evening. The debt will take a bit longer to clear, but ultimately this will work out better for us as a family and I think we will have more quality time together.

joehoover

clearmydebts wrote: »

Hi Joe,

Thanks for the post. We have decided that OH will stay in the UK and take compressed hours and come back to Ireland every Thursday evening. The debt will take a bit longer to clear, but ultimately this will work out better for us as a family and I think we will have more quality time together.

Just caught up reading back on your previous posts. I don't have kids so would be an easier decision for me, glad you have made a decision, it sounds like the best one for you. Good luck clearing the debt

clearmydebts

joehoover wrote: »

Just caught up reading back on your previous posts. I don't have kids so would be an easier decision for me, glad you have made a decision, it sounds like the best one for you. Good luck clearing the debt

Thanks Joe. Much appreciated

Ebenezer_Screwj

Whatever the reason for your second pregnancy, it will not help your debt position and clearing this debt must now be your priority. It seems that your husband's offer of a job in Germany is a lifeline and he should grab it. There is no reason to assume that this will split up your family and Germany is not at the ends of the earth.

John_Pierpoint

clearmydebts wrote: »

Our family can offer real and regular support, we are a very close family. Luckily my family didn't get caught up in the Celtic Tiger stampede so are quite comfortable and this isn't likely to change.

Have I missed the bit where you explained what you husband's relatives think about the two children being brought up in Ireland?

Funny thing I was discussing babies with my daughter and son in law yesterday and she remarked. "Had I noticed the number of families where there is a five year gap between baby one and baby two because the parents can only afford one lot of child care payments ?"

Perhaps that is a symptom of the stresses of living in SE England?

Not as stressful as living in China yet.

Dinah93

If anything I've noticed it the other way - either mums want to get them all close together to get back to work full time sooner, or they've been made redundant and figuer they might as well do the family thing now while they wait for their sector to pick up. I guess it just depends on everyones situation. At the end of the day if having a baby was going to decimate them financially they wouldn't be asking the question and would have to be doing the thing that would give the most money. As it is the OP has the ability to choose the balance they think will work best for them between money and family life and the best of luck to them.