Real Life MMD: Should my husband move away for a better job?

cashbackproblems

Petaldust wrote: »

If you're that much in debt why on earth are you having another child? No wonder Martin's email this week is about the importance of the introduction of debt education in schools :wall:

This...some people have no sense. You are simply bringing a child into the world who wont have the best chances or ability to experience things which others will.

Thrifty_mum

Hi, We were in a similar suituation to you. My husband is a supply teacher which means he only gets paid when he works. With all the cutbacks this past year has been really bad and we were unable to save much to last over the summer. He's really lucky as he also has a HGV licence so he does casual driving in the summer. We had a dlemma - does he does european work , be away from home for 1 week at a time but earn really good money or does he take a local job where he is home every night? For us it was a no brainer. We'd rather be together and tighen our belts than live apart with money ib the bank but not be together to spend it. Marriage is too precious to put a price on. A marriage is like a living thing - if you don't nuture it and look after it, it will quickly fall into illheath and may ultimately fail. Either go with your Husband to Germany and agree a time period you will stay there and bank as much as you can or you both move to Ireland and make do with whatever employment you can get there. Either way you need to go together

clearmydebts

cashbackproblems wrote: »

This...some people have no sense. You are simply bringing a child into the world who wont have the best chances or ability to experience things which others will.

Don't be so ridiculous. We will get rid of the debt. My baby is well loved and looked after and doesn't want for a thing. And so will the next baby. Money isn't everything and if you think money will solve all a childs problems and advance them in the world then you are more stupid than you come across.

clearmydebts

TJHO wrote: »

I have a similar dilemma actually! My husband is a contracter (banking industry) & his contract runs out in November, they were going to offer him a permanent role but are cutting loads of jobs so he has to re-apply like everyone else. My husband is very money driven & has wanted to contract down south (we live West Yorkshire) for a while as the hourly rate is double, this has given him the drive to apply. I'm not keen as we have a 17 month old & are expecting another 6th October, so I want him around as much as possible to help with bedtimes etc. If he went down south he would have to live there mid-week, so essentially would be a weekend dad, leaving me a single mum during the week.

On the plus side, I am off on maternity leave for a year or so, so will be able to visit him quite a bit & with the money he would be on, we would rent a flat big enough for us all & still have money to save, plus keeping our home up North. Is this something you could do? Maybe move to Germany or visit a lot?

There are jobs up here but he wants the most money he can get!

Not 100% on the idea as with 2 kids you want to be around family & friends for support too & live somewhere you know. Also, what happens when I go back to work? One he gets a taste for the money he won't want to settle for any less.

We've decided he will go for jobs both here & down south as we can't afford him not to have a job & then we will decide from there. If he does go down south, we can save enough money in a short space of time to pay off the mortgage etc, which means he can be more selective & choose shorter contracts. I suppose that would be similar for you also.

Plus, as people have said, if the decision isn't right then he can always come back.

Hi,

The fact that you can live with your OH during your maternity is a big bonus. We have decided to go with OH working in the UK on compressed hours. This won't pay off the debt as quickly, but means we do get to see more of each other.

clearmydebts

Thrifty_mum wrote: »

Hi, We were in a similar suituation to you. My husband is a supply teacher which means he only gets paid when he works. With all the cutbacks this past year has been really bad and we were unable to save much to last over the summer. He's really lucky as he also has a HGV licence so he does casual driving in the summer. We had a dlemma - does he does european work , be away from home for 1 week at a time but earn really good money or does he take a local job where he is home every night? For us it was a no brainer. We'd rather be together and tighen our belts than live apart with money ib the bank but not be together to spend it. Marriage is too precious to put a price on. A marriage is like a living thing - if you don't nuture it and look after it, it will quickly fall into illheath and may ultimately fail. Either go with your Husband to Germany and agree a time period you will stay there and bank as much as you can or you both move to Ireland and make do with whatever employment you can get there. Either way you need to go together

If you look at my recent posts you will see that Germany is no longer an option. I appreciate your advice but you don't know me or my family, or how we work together. My OH and I believe this is a short-term situation and also believe our marriage is strong enough to withstand short separation.

At the end of the day, he will be away Mon, Tue and Wed night in which he will be studding in the evening. We will also Skype every evening. Then he will be with us Thursday night through to Monday morning. He will be with us more than he would be without us.

zigmeister

Petaldust wrote: »

If you're that much in debt why on earth are you having another child? No wonder Martin's email this week is about the importance of the introduction of debt education in schools :wall:

That's so rude. You have no idea of the circumstances of the family, and it's none of your business! Let alone the fact it's nothing to do with the matter at hand.

All I'll say is that you know what works best for you and your family. Opinions are so useful but what works best for one person may be the worst solution for another family. I just hope you figure out the best solution for you and everything works out.

clearmydebts

zigmeister wrote: »

That's so rude. You have no idea of the circumstances of the family, and it's none of your business! Let alone the fact it's nothing to do with the matter at hand.

All I'll say is that you know what works best for you and your family. Opinions are so useful but what works best for one person may be the worst solution for another family. I just hope you figure out the best solution for you and everything works out.

Thanks Zig

zigmeister

clearmydebts wrote: »

Don't be so ridiculous. We will get rid of the debt. My baby is well loved and looked after and doesn't want for a thing. And so will the next baby. Money isn't everything and if you think money will solve all a childs problems and advance them in the world then you are more stupid than you come across.

Couldn't agree more with this. It makes me so angry to think that people think money is what nourishes a child. I know for a fact that OP is a fab parent, and that any child would be lucky to have her and her husband as parents. If I had to choose between a parent who didn't love me but bought me 'experiences' and one who couldn't take me on holiday but loved me more than anything in the world, I know which I'd rather have. Money can't buy love, surely everyone knows that?!

menorah56

Get debt management and budgeting advice to avoid repeating old mistakes. Assuming no suitable work in Ireland is available then take the German job offer to clear your debts and set a time scale for working away from home upon which you both agree. During the time employed in Germany continue job hunting for work in Ireland.

rampantghost

No dilemma. Wake up, smell the coffee and earn the money. Short term pain, long term gain, etc. Plenty of people are in this situation. Some do not have the choice. How about all the married soldiers in Helmand for 6 months at a time. They would love the chance to come home at the weekends. Grow up.