Real Life MMD: Should my husband move away for a better job?

N.I.M

clearmydebts wrote: »

Hi NIM - compressed hours is our first choice. I have to disagree with you about the cost of living though. Everything for us, from rent to childcare is more expensive over here. I could afford to work at home (even without family support) but couldn't here.

I'm not gonna argue with you on this one as I assume you've done your homework, but from being back home a couple months back I found the actual prices of things in supermarkets and rentals looked higher. Are you planning to rent from family?

clearmydebts wrote: »

I had already agreed with him that I would travel back and forth too, although it would be only with 1 baby at a time, as I couldn't physically manage two together on my own.

Which is fair enough, and makes either option a lot more doable. Comes back to the old saying "The devil's in the detail"

clearmydebts wrote: »

And yes, I did choose my life in the UK, but because I chose to move to the UK 8 years ago doesn't mean I should have to live here based on a decision I made 8 years ago when I wasn't married and had no children. I made a decision to have children but that was because it was the right time in our lives. I didn't commit to live in the UK forever with the children.

I'll grant you that, I was just pointing out that you chose the UK over Ireland for a reason, are you sure that reason is gone / sufficently overcome now?

clearmydebts wrote: »

With regards jobs, in the area he wants to study, there are plenty of jobs in Ireland. In fact that area is booming, just not in the section that OH is in. We said we would review it in 12 months but I think 18 months - 2 years is more realistic for him to get a job. It certainly won't be 10 years!

I'm just saying consider the worst case along with the best and make sure you can live with the worst case, or at least that its worth the gamble.

miss_renegade

I think it won't actually feel like he's working away too much. If you think about it, if he was working in this country say 5 days a week, you only get a few hours together a day anyway. You'd still get a whole weekend together, AND if he's earning a LOT more than he would in UK then i think sacrificing a few hours in the evening are worth it. You can still call and speak everyday.
For me, it'd just be the thought that he's not actually in the country which might be the worry.

My advise would be to set a trial period and see how you both feel when it was actually happening, then discuss the options if one,or both of you aren't happy.

Mr_Max

If I were in your shoes, then I would move with him to Germany. You can scrimp & save while you're there and clear the debt as quick as possible. The fact that (a) you know it's temporary and (b) there's an end goal of clearing that debt will make the stay away far more bearable, make the move back to Ireland far more sweet and will really focus your minds. A temporary pain for a long-term gain.

But in the end, it's what you both feel happy with.

Good luck!

nomadgirl

Yes we decided that my husband should work abroad on a "single" contract and yes he made a lot of money but it got to the point where we grew apart because our lives were so busy but in very different ways. We are now divorced.

Julia4J

You say he is your husband, so therefore, you are married. Remember the marriage vows - in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer? That was a commitment on both your parts and not having much money is no fun but being apart is even less fun especially with little children, as I know only too well, I would rather be poor with my husband than rich without him. Do you have a freebie debt counsellor near you to help you sort out your finances? Is there any kind of work you could do from home?

TJHO

I have a similar dilemma actually! My husband is a contracter (banking industry) & his contract runs out in November, they were going to offer him a permanent role but are cutting loads of jobs so he has to re-apply like everyone else. My husband is very money driven & has wanted to contract down south (we live West Yorkshire) for a while as the hourly rate is double, this has given him the drive to apply. I'm not keen as we have a 17 month old & are expecting another 6th October, so I want him around as much as possible to help with bedtimes etc. If he went down south he would have to live there mid-week, so essentially would be a weekend dad, leaving me a single mum during the week.

On the plus side, I am off on maternity leave for a year or so, so will be able to visit him quite a bit & with the money he would be on, we would rent a flat big enough for us all & still have money to save, plus keeping our home up North. Is this something you could do? Maybe move to Germany or visit a lot?

There are jobs up here but he wants the most money he can get!

Not 100% on the idea as with 2 kids you want to be around family & friends for support too & live somewhere you know. Also, what happens when I go back to work? One he gets a taste for the money he won't want to settle for any less.

We've decided he will go for jobs both here & down south as we can't afford him not to have a job & then we will decide from there. If he does go down south, we can save enough money in a short space of time to pay off the mortgage etc, which means he can be more selective & choose shorter contracts. I suppose that would be similar for you also.

Plus, as people have said, if the decision isn't right then he can always come back.

clearmydebts

romina wrote: »

just a p.s. - you may know all this already, but just in case.... (This is not tax or financial advice that you should rely on - just what we discovered!)

Consider setting up a company for him to work through. This would let you pay tax in UK/Ireland and claim flights, german accomodation costs etc as business expenses - meaning you pay them from pretax income, not post tax.

Also - you don't want him to be paying tax in germany. They have big tax breaks for married couples with children - but only if you are all resident there (and German residence is tightly monitored - you have to be registered in the town hall etc). Otherwise, if he pays tax there it will be on a single person rate which is much higher.

Watch child benefit also - if he is employed in a different country, EU rules say you get child benefit there, even if mother can child live elsewhere. Self-employment via a local company avoids the problem.

And don't forget the EHIC for his health costs if he needs anything when he's over there... Feel free to PM me if there's anything else I can help with!

Thanks Romina. Not sure if you saw my pervious post but we are going to go for the compressed hours and with OH staying in the UK and coming home from Thursday to Monday.

Thank you for all your advice though. It is much appreciated.

clearmydebts

N.I.M wrote: »

I'm not gonna argue with you on this one as I assume you've done your homework, but from being back home a couple months back I found the actual prices of things in supermarkets and rentals looked higher. Are you planning to rent from family?



Which is fair enough, and makes either option a lot more doable. Comes back to the old saying "The devil's in the detail"



I'll grant you that, I was just pointing out that you chose the UK over Ireland for a reason, are you sure that reason is gone / sufficently overcome now?



I'm just saying consider the worst case along with the best and make sure you can live with the worst case, or at least that its worth the gamble.

Hi NIM,

I would be living with my parents for a while and if things look like they are working out for us we will be renting (way cheaper than where we are, we have done the research)and then looking at buying a modest 3 bed. Way way way cheaper than where we are now. Also our council tax is horrendous over here (£2,500 over here) so although there will be other expenses, it won't be as bad.

Being honest, the reason we moved to the UK was because we were living in a small city and there were no jobs for OH (he was being made redundant) so we moved on a whim. There was no great thought put into it and no great long-term plan. It was never about not liking Ireland. Personally, I think I can give my children a better standard of living and better childhood in Ireland compared to where we are now. However, I know that is not the case for everywhere in the UK but I wouldn't be happy bringing up my children in such an urban environment. I want to live in a smaller town.

clearmydebts

miss_renegade wrote: »

I think it won't actually feel like he's working away too much. If you think about it, if he was working in this country say 5 days a week, you only get a few hours together a day anyway. You'd still get a whole weekend together, AND if he's earning a LOT more than he would in UK then i think sacrificing a few hours in the evening are worth it. You can still call and speak everyday.
For me, it'd just be the thought that he's not actually in the country which might be the worry.

My advise would be to set a trial period and see how you both feel when it was actually happening, then discuss the options if one,or both of you aren't happy.

Hi Miss Renegade,

Thanks for the post. I think OH will actually see more of us now that he is likely to get compressed hours in his current job. He can study Mon-Wed night and then is home on a Thursday evening at about 8pm and will have all day FRiday, Saturday and Sunday with us. That's more than we see of him now!

clearmydebts

Julia4J wrote: »

You say he is your husband, so therefore, you are married. Remember the marriage vows - in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer? That was a commitment on both your parts and not having much money is no fun but being apart is even less fun especially with little children, as I know only too well, I would rather be poor with my husband than rich without him. Do you have a freebie debt counsellor near you to help you sort out your finances? Is there any kind of work you could do from home?

Yes, I do remember the vows. I also do work from home but I still need childcare as when I am working I am expected to work, not take care of my child in work hours, or ignore my baby in favour of working.