should i let my ex take the children abroad

ambemakasa

hi
i have been divorced from my childrens father for 7 years, he has regular fortnightly access and extra time for holidays, this has always worked well.
a few months ago he said that he was taking them abroad for 2 weeks in the summer, i was fine with this and he gave me dates, as the holiday is getting closer he keeps changing these dates, this morning i asked him to please give me exact dates of when they are going and returning, he did this but they didnt match what my children thought. he is very difficult to get hold of so i popped to his house and spoke to his partner, her being a mother herself i thought she would understand my need to know when my children are away, she gave me the date of going which was what he had said but she gave me a later date for returning. i am concerned that he was going to keep them out of the country for longer without me knowing but i dont know why. i now feel i cant trust him and am concerned about letting the children go. can i say no to him or do i have to let them go, i dont want to spoil their holiday but the fact that he was going to keep them longer without telling me is a big worry.

Lotus-eater

Mmm, does sound a bit dodgy, doesn't it? I'm not exactly sure of what to advise tbh.
Does he come from abroad your xOH?

ambemakasa

hi
no he doesn`t

vroombroom

could it just be he hasnt booked the holiday yet and is looking at possible dates taht will be the cheapest?

pigpen

you can say no but unless you think he is likely to abscond with them I think it would be mean to.. he must have paid for them to go by now.. I would be apprehensive about him takin them if you didnt know exactly when they would be back.. and a couple of days here or there is neither here nor there really... so long as you know.

the children will gain so much from going.. I guess..

Id ask for confirmation in writing.. email or text or a letter stating exactly when they will go and return.. inc. flight numbers so you can check they all got there safely online ..

If you make this difficult for him now what would happen if YOU wanted to take them abroad and he decided lat minute he didnt want you to..

Most men are horrific at recalling dates.. that is why they have us! To remind them.. he maybe genuinely didnt know just had a vague idea. The children father doesnt even know their dates of birth..

Bambywamby

Be honest with him, unless you get some firm details the holiday is a no-go. I personally would want to know the dates, the resort, the hotel where they are staying and if my ex was acting a little odd like yours is, I would want to see documented proof also e.g. holiday booking forms etc
Who cares if he thinks you are being interfering/controlling...they are your children and if you are in doubt it makes sense to question until you are satisfied and if you are not satisfied then they don't go. Good luck x x

ambemakasa

what worries me is that if i hadn`t thought twice about the dates not matching and gone to speak to his partner i wouldnt have known, i would have been waiting for them to come home and they would still be in another country. i am confused as to why he didnt tell me the true dates and even though he knows i went to see his partner i have heard nothing from him to explain.
i asked him from an address and all he will say is spain!!
i dont want to spoil the childrens holiday but i am very nervous about it all.

erdd2

If the holiday is booked, I cannot see any reason for ambiguity of dates unless attention to same is not the norm. I respect your concerns and how difficult such situations can be. You could raise a PSO however this could exacerbate the situation. That things have been "working out" it would be a shame to rock the boat but do understand your need to know where the kids are, but not your anxiety "that he was going to keep them longer without telling me is a big worry" Often these situations can be something from nothing, but my experience have me err on the side of caution. To seek and be granted dates is not too much to ask imo and many will disagree...but I doubt those disagreeing will not have been in the position of not seeing their kids for years. Thus I reiterate, being provided with dates is not too much to ask and should not be considered as being difficult given what you have to lose.

scheming_gypsy

Ask for the flight numbers so you can make sure everything sets off and lands ok etc... Then you'll be able to see what day they're coming back and which airport etc.

[Deleted User]

You can apply to stop him from taking them out of the country but only if you are genuinely concerned that he won't be returning...I would try again to get definate dates from him, flight numbers and the name of hotel they are staying in or at least the resort, if there is nothing dodgy going on then I can't see why he should be refusing these, just tell him you need them in case of emergency, which you do. In my experience I would be cautious about them going without this information, my OH's ex took their child abroad a few years ago with no definate return date, turns out they had no return tickets booked and she called him midway through the holiday to say they weren't returning, very difficult to do anything about when you have no idea where in that country they are! but on the other hand we have had problems with OH's ex letting their child come on holiday with us so I don't think you should stop them going unless really neccessary, just tell him you need the information first.....We are finally taking OH's child abroad for the first time next year and we will be providing OH's ex with dates, flight numbers, hotel name & tel number.....I think its only reasonable.

ambemakasa

i`m going to ask for all the details tomorrow and hopefully he will provide them all
thankyou all for your advice