trying to get children to behave

red_devil

just a couple of observations and wonder if you use this or you think its wrong?

Do you say to your children if you dont behave i will get/call your dad etc?

I have heard people say this and think what if the dad isnt around one day then they wont be able to say it? Does it show that you cant control your children yourselves and is it the wrong road to go down to threaten them with their dad?

ALso i often hear a woman in my street say to her sons that there is a nasty man if they run off. Its her way of trying to get them to come back to her? She also has mentioned the police to them if they are naughty? just curious is it the right way to get children to behave?

Lucy1973

I don't like the idea of those examples to be honest. Won't it give the children a phobia about men? :eek:

mirrorimage0

by setting an example, and explainging to them what is expected of them before any situations arise.

i do say to my children if they start getting out of line, that i am not thier dad i do not accept that behaviour, as he lets them get away with more than me. but i never threaten that thier dad will tell them off when he gets home from work etc. why wouldi he has been at work all day dealing with his own stuff (as have i but i work around the childrens hrs so can drop them off and pick them) and with children it is no good telling them off hrs later anyway they have no idea then.

im not saying my kids are angels they arent they are both boys and have been brought up to know thier own mind ages 11 and 9 now so at times they can push a bit but i just remind them of what is acceptable and what is expected from them

Rebecca01

No I believe you should be the authority yourself. Saying I will tell your Dad makes the mother sound like they are saying , you wont behave for me but you will for your Dad, he is the boss. Hmmm No way!!! lol

I had a friend who used that phrase, her DD was terrified of her dad. Not good either.

However i can see the temptation to say a man will get you if your children run off , as it can be scary. I have stopped myself saying this as I dont want to give DD a phobia but I can understand why people have said it in the moment of stress.

I totally agree with what mirrorimage said.

victory

I always do the wide eyes which means trouble and say if I get to 3 you won't believe how much trouble you will be in, 1.....2.... they have done what I asked:D

balletshoes

no OP, I've never ever said either of the things you posted to my child, and I never will. I don't need anyone else's help to re-inforce how I expect my child to behave, and I think that comes from my childhood, my mum was the main disciplinarian (as am I) and she certainly didn't need back-up from anyone else .

I don't like the "scary man/police" scenario because it can give the wrong impression to young impressionable minds that all men/police are scary and to be avoided at all costs.

pinkmami

I do the "I'll count to 10 & if .....". Always works here. They're scared of me not their dad. lol!

Plans_all_plans

I would never in a million years tell my child not to run off cos there might be a naughty man who'll snatch them. I would also not tell them the police would get them!! I have friends who say both of these things to their kids though. I think it would give them a fear of the world around them if they think there's naughty men around and it might put them off the police - who they may need to help them someday (e.g. if they got lost, I wouldn't want them to be afraid to speak to a policeman)

I do sometimes say "if I tell daddy about your behaviour when he comes home from work, he'll be disappointed that you didn't behave nicely today". I have found that my DD is better behaved when he is around as she is with me all day and his reprimands seem to have more impact because he's not there with her full time doing the disciplining in the main.

skylight

My Mum does this which really annoys me; she carries on with "the lady in the shop will tell you off". No Mum, I will tell them off. But it doesn't matter how much I tell my Mum! Its like going out with another child.

Mind you, she hates my parenting skills anyway and is always telling me that I need to get my children under control. They are normal kids that push boundries!

RichGold

red_devil wrote: »

How do you get children to behave?

If 6,000 Metropolitan Police couldn't do it last night what hope is there for the rest of us.

milliebear00001

I have threatened all sorts of things in the past! Usually if they are acting up after I've warned them not to, I will count backwards from 5. They NEVER get to zero! If they did, I would withdraw a privilege for a set amount of time. Usually, a warning is enough.