DreamerHelen's New Diary - "Ad Astra per Aspera"

DreamerHelen

Hey Everyone (and a special "hello" to Hovel Lady )

I didn't make my Target last night... :mad: Ended up going to bed....I am soooo mad at myself!! I should really re-name this Thread "DreamerHelen screws up yet again"!!!!! :mad:

I know that I keep screwing up and at some point it's going to turn around and bite me in the a**!! :eek:

So tonight I'm here, only a low Target of £20....But I'm going to get it come hell or highwater!! I'm going to get there!!

Last Week I only earned £75 for the WHOLE WEEK!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: It's simply NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!

But, a brand new start now!! I AM GOING to make this Work....The only other solution is for me to give up my Course and move House....and both of those things would be AWFUL and I'm NOT going to get to that stage!!

So, that's where I'm at at 3.30am today....Just wanting to stay Positive....

Love and Hugs, Helen xxx

DreamerHelen

So I've been Online for an Hour now and have made £10 of my £20 Target....So that's not too bad!!

Been a busy Night so far....Let's hope it stays that way!! :T :j :T

DreamerHelen

Made my Target...so I'm off to bed!! Going to get up and do some Shopping and then start Work again...Not having the Afternoon off today...would rather do some Work and feel good about making a really good start!!

Night Night Everyone!!

Hovel_lady

Well done on meeting your target :T

DreamerHelen

Hey Everyone...

Thanks Hovel...But you have inspired me to be honest...I DID have a much bigger Target but had to rejig my Week a bit after I had a really disturbing Call and basically lost the Will to Work....So I just changed my Week around a bit....

But I AM glad that I made what I made....and I'm giving up my Afternoon Off so that I can Work and make up the time.

I keep saying that I need to grow up and take responsibility for myself and it IS sinking in slowly but it IS very slowly....I just need to GET IT INTO MY HEAD!!!!

So, my Plan for today. I'm not feeling great so I'm not going to do any Cleaning. I'm going to grab a lovely Shower and wash my Hair. Then I'm going to go and do a little bit of Shopping and then I'm going to come back and have some Lunch, do my Budget (have some things that need changing) and then START WORK!!!

I'll be very honest right now and I will tell you that my Target to meet before tomorrow morning is.... £110.

I keep letting myself down - Keep screwing up over and over again - I just need to STICK WITH IT and sooner or later it will sink into my head...

Love and Hugs, Helen xxx

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The Stuff of Dreams

Save £4100 Before the End of 2011 Challenge
I'm currently Studying. My College Fees are already taken care of for the rest of 2011 but next Year I have to pay £4100 - I'll be paying a LOT of it from Tax Repayments and the rest will come from Ebay Sales and extra Wages.

Currently £0/£4100 (Hopefully I'll Be Getting Tax Back This Week!!)

Terramundi Pot Challenge (To Open Saturday 19th November 2011)
I'm going to an Exhibition at Olympia (not sure if I'm allowed to post the name of it since it's a bit, ummm, risque LoL). I'm going to buy a Terramundi soon...and then start Saving with extra's from Wages (I can do as much Overtime as I like).

Currently £0/£500 (hoped)

Budweiser Bottle Challenge (To Open 31st December 2011)
I have a great big massive Plastic Budweiser Bottle (appropriate since I used to work for the people that own Budweiser!!) and I'm going to fill that up with the odd pennies and coppers and 5p's and spare change.

This is for my Flight/Hotel/Food/Spends/Excursions on my Trip to Morocco in January 2012!! - A Big Ask But I'd Love To Get There!!

Currently £9.79 (Still a fair way to go!! :eek:)

£144 in 144 Days Pt 1
This is all going to be from earning an extra pound every day from Overtime at Work, starting Wednesday 9th August. This first part is going to be for a set of the Beauty and the Beast DVD's (remember the old Series with Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman?) and also a new MP3 Player.

Currently £0/£144

£144 in 144 Days Pt 2
This second part will be for what I call my "Soho Fund"....And that's for some fun things from Soho (I think I might leave that one for all your imaginations!! LoL :rotfl:)

Currently £0/£144

£144 in 144 Days Pt 3
This third part will be for a Table for Two (haven't decided who with yet!!) and a Meal and the Show for the Wam Bam Burlesque Club in London for January or February of next Year. It looks amazing there but the Tickets for a Meal combined with the Show is £70 each..so that should work out nicely then!! :T

Currently £0/£144

Writing A Book Challenge
So, I've been meaning to write a Book for ABSOLUTELY AGES!!! But never actually gotten around to it. So now I'm going to write one...Even if it never gets Published, so what, I'll still have written a Book. First step is to find out about practical stuff - ie: How many chapters should there be, how many words per chapter, etc. Then a Synopsis of the Book. Then start writing it....Oooooooh scary!!! - Nothing done so far, MUST get started!!

Losing The Weight For ME!!
So, I'm currently MASSIVELY overweight..by about 10 stones (and no, I'm NOT exaggerating). I'm currently Ummmm'ing and Aaaaaaah'ing over Joining Slimming World and I'm not sure right now. So at least for this Week my Plans for Weight-Loss are on Hold until I decide what to do.

Start Weight: To Be Confirmed
Weight Lost: 0 pounds so far

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Hovel_lady

Don't feel bad, you'll get there.
Just remember that the only person who can make the changes you want in your life is you.
I'll cheer you on from here always

DreamerHelen

Thank you Hovel Lady Hun....I really DO appreciate you coming on here and spurring me on!!

Right, I've been shopping and had my Lunch...Am also adding a little bit into my "Budweiser Bottle"....it makes me feel good to see that adding up since it will pay for a short Holiday in January/February if I can save up enough!!

I'm going to now do my Budget and I'm aiming to start Work at 2.30pm....

I know that it's only ME that can change things around....I just have to remember what my Goals are and know that I can achieve them if I really put my mind to it!!

I'll Update during the Day....

Love and Hugs, Helen xxx

---

The Stuff of Dreams

Save £4100 Before the End of 2011 Challenge
I'm currently Studying. My College Fees are already taken care of for the rest of 2011 but next Year I have to pay £4100 - I'll be paying a LOT of it from Tax Repayments and the rest will come from Ebay Sales and extra Wages.

Currently £0/£4100 (Hopefully I'll Be Getting Tax Back This Week!!)

Terramundi Pot Challenge (To Open Saturday 19th November 2011)
I'm going to an Exhibition at Olympia (not sure if I'm allowed to post the name of it since it's a bit, ummm, risque LoL). I'm going to buy a Terramundi soon...and then start Saving with extra's from Wages (I can do as much Overtime as I like).

Currently £0/£500 (hoped)

Budweiser Bottle Challenge (To Open 31st December 2011)
I have a great big massive Plastic Budweiser Bottle (appropriate since I used to work for the people that own Budweiser!!) and I'm going to fill that up with the odd pennies and coppers and 5p's and spare change.

This is for my Flight/Hotel/Food/Spends/Excursions on my Trip to Morocco in January/February 2012!! - A Big Ask But I'd Love To Get There!!

Currently £13.21 (Still a fair way to go!! :eek:)

£144 in 144 Days Pt 1
This is all going to be from earning an extra pound every day from Overtime at Work, starting Wednesday 9th August. This first part is going to be for a set of the Beauty and the Beast DVD's (remember the old Series with Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman?) and also a new MP3 Player.

Currently £0/£144

£144 in 144 Days Pt 2
This second part will be for what I call my "Soho Fund"....And that's for some fun things from Soho (I think I might leave that one for all your imaginations!! LoL :rotfl:)

Currently £0/£144

£144 in 144 Days Pt 3
This third part will be for a Table for Two (haven't decided who with yet!!) and a Meal and the Show for the Wam Bam Burlesque Club in London for January or February of next Year. It looks amazing there but the Tickets for a Meal combined with the Show is £70 each..so that should work out nicely then!! :T

Currently £0/£144

Writing A Book Challenge
So, I've been meaning to write a Book for ABSOLUTELY AGES!!! But never actually gotten around to it. So now I'm going to write one...Even if it never gets Published, so what, I'll still have written a Book. First step is to find out about practical stuff - ie: How many chapters should there be, how many words per chapter, etc. Then a Synopsis of the Book. Then start writing it....Oooooooh scary!!! - Nothing done so far, MUST get started!!

Losing The Weight For ME!!
So, I'm currently MASSIVELY overweight..by about 10 stones (and no, I'm NOT exaggerating). I'm currently Ummmm'ing and Aaaaaaah'ing over Joining Slimming World and I'm not sure right now. So at least for this Week my Plans for Weight-Loss are on Hold until I decide what to do.

Start Weight: To Be Confirmed
Weight Lost: 0 pounds so far

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DreamerHelen

I think I've FINALLY GOT IT!!!!! I've been logged in since 2.30pm (well, logged out briefly for a loo break ) and I'm going to stay logged in until 11.30pm when I'm going to have at least an hour's break for something to eat before logging back on for the Night Shift!!

I don't know why but it feels like something has finally clicked into place in my head....

I am in Therapy because of the Course that I'm doing (I'm Training to become a Psychotherapist) and I said to my Therapist last Week that I don't respect myself, that I feel like I can never be a hero, like I can never be good, like I am simply not worthy of anything....And today I said to myself "Why can't I be my own hero? Why can't I make things work? I CAN make things work!!!"

And then it suddenly just clicked and I thought to myself...I CAN DO THIS!!!! :T

So, it's not very well paid during the day but the Money is adding up....I have a Target of £110 before tomorrow morning....And so far I'm up to £13 - So another £97 to go!! Not too bad for 5.30pm...Still plenty of time to get my Target...

Soooo, I'm all fired up and raring to go!!

Love and Hugs, Helen xxx

Hovel_lady

Yes, be your own hero. Well done for realising you can be.
While I wait for Sean Bean to come over I'm trying to be my own hero too.
Hope you meet your target.
xx

DreamerHelen

Hovel_lady wrote: »

Yes, be your own hero. Well done for realising you can be.
While I wait for Sean Bean to come over I'm trying to be my own hero too.
Hope you meet your target.
xx

Thank you hun....I think I have finally realised that I CAN be my own hero....

You WILL get there hun....It might be a rough road but you'll find some peace....When it's the right time for YOU hun...In the meantime please keep talking, please keep sharing....We're all here for you hun...xxx

I'm doing okay...Still logged on....It's now 7.30pm and I've got another 4 hours before I can log off....But I CAN and WILL do it!!

Feeling very proud of myself...finally