DreamerHelen's New Diary - "Ad Astra per Aspera"

Hovel_lady

Just wanted to send :grouphug: xx

DreamerHelen

Thank you Hovel Lady....I don't think anyone can convince me that I'm worthy, only I can do that....And I know that I need to....It's just really hard sometimes.

I just had to purge how I was feeling onto this Diary....that way it was out of my system rather than festering in there and letting it rot away...

I've had some sleep and am feeling a little better...I feel like I'm not sure I'll ever truly get there...but things will get a little better...I'm sure they will!!

It's now just after 3am and I'm up to do some Work...Have re-jigged my Budget yet again (perhaps I just need to accept that I might have to do this as and when necessary!!)....So my Overall Target before Sunday Evening is £111 - So that's not too bad at all.

I may have to take tomorrow Evening off Work as I'm having 3 Teeth taken out tomorrow morning and I'm not sure how I'm going to feel....If I CAN work then I will....

I'm not sure what to say about "M" (my most recent Ex)....Whether he truly wants to stay friends or not I don't know, that's something only he knows. But I have realised that it has to change between us - The times when he would make a lot of time for me (3 or 4 times a week) have changed because he has other priorities....So I have to accept that I'll only see him once every few weeks....That hurts but it's the way it is. I may never get him back....and that hurts like hell too, but I know I have to accept that one as well.

I managed to make it through the day without Emailing my other Ex ("C")....And I'm pleased about that....there is no point in contacting him again...He was the one that I was suicidal over...but that's a much longer story....But I got through the day...so that's good. I may have to accept that I'll never speak to him ever again....And my heart has just thumped painfully as I typed that....but I may just have to accept it.

So, I feel like I need to have some Dreams to look forward to because it feels a lot like hard work right now....

So what am I dreaming of right now?

When I've finished Studying I would love to take 6-8 months off and go around the World....Travelling has always been such a big part of my Life and the thought of being able to travel for that long just makes my heart jump...

I also am looking forward to going to Olympia in November for an Exhibition that is right up my street (a bit dodgy so I won't mention the name of it!!)....But I'm saving up for that...Hoping to take some decent spending money with me....

I am looking forward to finishing my First Year of Studying....Right now that feels a long way away and I have to write two Essays between now and then!! But I will feel such a sense of achievement when I get there!!

So there ARE some good things to look forward to.

I'm starting Work at 4am and working right through until 8am...then going to the Dentist...fingers crossed it won't be as bad as I think it will be!!

Thank you to Hovel Lady and to the "higher power" out there that got me through the worst bits of tonight.

Love and Hugs, Helen xxx

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The Stuff of Dreams

Save £4100 Before the End of 2011 Challenge
I'm currently Studying. My College Fees are already taken care of for the rest of 2011 but next Year I have to pay £4100 - I'll be paying a LOT of it from Tax Repayments and the rest will come from Ebay Sales and extra Wages.

Currently £200/£4100 (Finally Got Started At Last!!)

Terramundi Pot Challenge (To Open Saturday 19th November 2011)
I'm going to an Exhibition at Olympia (not sure if I'm allowed to post the name of it since it's a bit, ummm, risque LoL). I'm going to buy a Terramundi soon...and then start Saving with extra's from Wages (I can do as much Overtime as I like).

Currently £0/£500 (A Lot to Spend and Go Mad With!!)

Budweiser Bottle Challenge (To Open 31st December 2011)
I have a great big massive Plastic Budweiser Bottle (appropriate since I used to work for the people that own Budweiser!!) and I'm going to fill that up with the odd pennies and coppers and 5p's and spare change.

This is for my Flight/Hotel/Food/Spends/Excursions on my Trip to Morocco in January/February 2012!! - A Big Ask But I'd Love To Get There!!

Currently £5.64 (Starting Again!! But I WILL Get There!! :A)

£144 in 144 Days Pt 1
This is all going to be from earning an extra pound every day from Overtime at Work, starting Wednesday 9th August. This first part is going to be for a set of the Beauty and the Beast DVD's (remember the old Series with Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman?) and also a new MP3 Player.

Currently £20/£144 (Finally Made A Start!! :j)

£144 in 144 Days Pt 2
This second part will be for what I call my "Soho Fund"....And that's for some fun things from Soho (I think I might leave that one for all your imaginations!! LoL :rotfl:)

Currently £20/£144 (Finally Made A Start!! :j)

£144 in 144 Days Pt 3
This third part will be for a Table for Two (haven't decided who with yet!!) and a Meal and the Show for the Wam Bam Burlesque Club in London for January or February of next Year. It looks amazing there but the Tickets for a Meal combined with the Show is £70 each..so that should work out nicely then!! :T

Currently £20/£144 (Finally Made A Start!! :j)

Writing A Book Challenge
So, I've been meaning to write a Book for ABSOLUTELY AGES!!! But never actually gotten around to it. So now I'm going to write one...Even if it never gets Published, so what, I'll still have written a Book. First step is to find out about practical stuff - ie: How many chapters should there be, how many words per chapter, etc. Then a Synopsis of the Book. Then start writing it....Oooooooh scary!!! - Nothing done so far, MUST get started!!

Losing The Weight For ME!!
So, I'm currently MASSIVELY overweight..by about 10 stones (and no, I'm NOT exaggerating). I'm currently Ummmm'ing and Aaaaaaah'ing over Joining Slimming World and I'm not sure right now. So at least for this Week my Plans for Weight-Loss are on Hold until I decide what to do.

Start Weight: To Be Confirmed
Weight Lost: 0 pounds so far

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Hovel_lady

Good morning

Really glad you got through the night and feel more postive. Glad you resisted contacting your ex. I think it would have opened too many old wounds for you.

Writing it down really helps doesn't it? The stuff in my diary, some of it I just had to get out once and for all.

You see - you're thinking of your dreams now. Not sure about the exhibition though :rotfl:

Will be thinking of you today especially at the dentist. (Whisper it: you're not the only who has lost a lot of teeth. And I was only 20 at the time).

Big ((hugs)), catch up later xx

The_Dragon

Hi DreamerHelen, I found you through Hovel Lady's thread and you could be me , I need to lose between 10 and 13 stone, I have very low self esteem (but I AM lucky in the fact that I have a hubby to inexplicably seems to love me whatever!) - so I hope you don't mind but I am going to follow your journey.

DreamerHelen

Hey Everyone...

Hovel Lady hun....Thank you for the positive vibes and especially for last night....you were the shining beacon in what was a very dark place for me...

The Exhibition at Olympia is something that I'm going to enjoy...I'm going to love it....I am treating myself with respect finally and that means there are no men in my Life....but it doesn't mean I've lost all the feelings...just am not doing anything about it right now until I find that right lovely man who can treat me with the respect I deserve!! :T But I still want to have some fun and buy some stuff at Olympia

The Dentist was NOT fun this morning!! The (very gorgeous) Dentist stuck me with anaestetic FOUR times and it was still too painful for her to take out any Teeth....so she didn't actually take out any Teeth...although she DID wiggle them around a lot and poke around a lot...

So, I'm still numb....and at the moment I'm not in pain but that's probably cause I've downed some Painkillers...May well be in pain later on...but we'll see!!

So, what's going to happen is that she's sending me for Sedation since I'm so phobic about Dentists....I may have to wait until December but it's better than what I experienced this morning!! And I got a refund this morning of £152 (we paid the full amount in January and it wasn't all used up so I get a refund) and that will be there for paying for the Sedation in December, which should only cost £50 according to the Dentist...but I'm going to save the whole amount just in case!!

So...that was my morning...

Won £20 on a Scratchcard...YAY!!! :j So I've put all that into my Morocco Budweiser Bottle Fund...So I'm now up to a Decent amount...I might get to Morocco in Jan/Feb next Year after all!! :j :T :j

So, feeling quite positive and I'm hoping I can Work tonight...Still have £111 to make before Sunday morning which is perfectly do-able...so I'm really pleased!! Was dead this morning so I gave up and went back to sleep....

Will Update later on....and hopefully won't be in pain...

Love and Hugs, Helen xxx

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The Stuff of Dreams

Save £4100 Before the End of 2011 Challenge
I'm currently Studying. My College Fees are already taken care of for the rest of 2011 but next Year I have to pay £4100 - I'll be paying a LOT of it from Tax Repayments and the rest will come from Ebay Sales and extra Wages.

Currently £200/£4100 (Finally Got Started At Last!!)

Terramundi Pot Challenge (To Open Saturday 19th November 2011)
I'm going to an Exhibition at Olympia (not sure if I'm allowed to post the name of it since it's a bit, ummm, risque LoL). I'm going to buy a Terramundi soon...and then start Saving with extra's from Wages (I can do as much Overtime as I like).

Currently £0/£500 (A Lot to Spend and Go Mad With!!)

Budweiser Bottle Challenge (To Open 31st December 2011)
I have a great big massive Plastic Budweiser Bottle (appropriate since I used to work for the people that own Budweiser!!) and I'm going to fill that up with the odd pennies and coppers and 5p's and spare change.

This is for my Flight/Hotel/Food/Spends/Excursions on my Trip to Morocco in January/February 2012!! - A Big Ask But I'd Love To Get There!!

Currently £31.31 (Doing Really Well!! :A)

£144 in 144 Days Pt 1
This is all going to be from earning an extra pound every day from Overtime at Work, starting Wednesday 9th August. This first part is going to be for a set of the Beauty and the Beast DVD's (remember the old Series with Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman?) and also a new MP3 Player.

Currently £20/£144 (Finally Made A Start!! :j)

£144 in 144 Days Pt 2
This second part will be for what I call my "Soho Fund"....And that's for some fun things from Soho (I think I might leave that one for all your imaginations!! LoL :rotfl:)

Currently £20/£144 (Finally Made A Start!! :j)

£144 in 144 Days Pt 3
This third part will be for a Table for Two (haven't decided who with yet!!) and a Meal and the Show for the Wam Bam Burlesque Club in London for January or February of next Year. It looks amazing there but the Tickets for a Meal combined with the Show is £70 each..so that should work out nicely then!! :T

Currently £20/£144 (Finally Made A Start!! :j)

Writing A Book Challenge
So, I've been meaning to write a Book for ABSOLUTELY AGES!!! But never actually gotten around to it. So now I'm going to write one...Even if it never gets Published, so what, I'll still have written a Book. First step is to find out about practical stuff - ie: How many chapters should there be, how many words per chapter, etc. Then a Synopsis of the Book. Then start writing it....Oooooooh scary!!! - Nothing done so far, MUST get started!!

Losing The Weight For ME!!
So, I'm currently MASSIVELY overweight..by about 10 stones (and no, I'm NOT exaggerating). I'm currently Ummmm'ing and Aaaaaaah'ing over Joining Slimming World and I'm not sure right now. So at least for this Week my Plans for Weight-Loss are on Hold until I decide what to do.

Start Weight: To Be Confirmed
Weight Lost: 0 pounds so far

---

DreamerHelen

The_Dragon wrote: »

Hi DreamerHelen, I found you through Hovel Lady's thread and you could be me , I need to lose between 10 and 13 stone, I have very low self esteem (but I AM lucky in the fact that I have a hubby to inexplicably seems to love me whatever!) - so I hope you don't mind but I am going to follow your journey.

Hi Dragon hun....Of course I don't mind you following my Journey...Please feel free to pop in anytime you like....

Yep, I have at least 10 stone to lose...probably closer to 12 stone though really....

Good for you for having found a lovely man to love you...and you ARE lovable...I just need to realise that for myself!!

Thanks again for popping in....Hope to see you again in here soon. xxx

The_Dragon

Re weight loss Dreamer, I use Calorie Count which is free (very MSE :rotfl:) oh and on here I run the 7lb club (ie concentrate on 7 pounds at a time!), just thinking that a set of scales from Mr T (I found some in there that weighed me up to 23 stone 8 lbs :eek:) and on-line support could be cheaper and the money you WOULD spend on the class gets split between your various pots

The_Dragon

DreamerHelen wrote: »

Hi Dragon hun....Of course I don't mind you following my Journey...Please feel free to pop in anytime you like....

Yep, I have at least 10 stone to lose...probably closer to 12 stone though really....

Good for you for having found a lovely man to love you...and you ARE lovable...I just need to realise that for myself!!

Thanks again for popping in....Hope to see you again in here soon. xxx

Aww thanks , been having a bad time of it recently (NOT with Dr Dragon but neighbours) and have been thinking suicide (which is very easy for me to do, eat some peanuts or other nuts and wham bam thank you Mam no more Dragon!)

DreamerHelen

Dragon hun...I've been there....really I HAVE. When I split up with one of my Ex's just over 2 years ago it was a HUGE shock - I had planned to move my whole Life to Australia to be with him - And there were times when I didn't think I would survive it...

But I DID...and how did I do it? Great friends (both on the Net and IRL)...and also just one day at a time....Sometimes one hour at a time....

You CAN Do it hun...Please feel free to come on here and rant anytime you like....Or you can set up your own Diary and rant in there...Either way is fine with me hun....Just please know that you can survive...really you can.

Hmmm not sure about the Diet thing yet....I will continue to have a good think about it...thank you for the Tips...

The_Dragon

DreamerHelen wrote: »

Dragon hun...I've been there....really I HAVE. When I split up with one of my Ex's just over 2 years ago it was a HUGE shock - I had planned to move my whole Life to Australia to be with him - And there were times when I didn't think I would survive it...

But I DID...and how did I do it? Great friends (both on the Net and IRL)...and also just one day at a time....Sometimes one hour at a time....

You CAN Do it hun...Please feel free to come on here and rant anytime you like....Or you can set up your own Diary and rant in there...Either way is fine with me hun....Just please know that you can survive...really you can.

Hmmm not sure about the Diet thing yet....I will continue to have a good think about it...thank you for the Tips...

I have my own diary but I am not sure if I can write the problems down on it, being an open forum and all that , mind you I do have a closed Blog (for my Pagan stuff, ie stuff close to me and not for sharing) I could write it on there :undecided, my other three blogs are open so again can be read by anyone