6 abortions in 3 years

LianeB

Having had a mother who was a senior sexual health nurse and as a student nurse who has done sexual health placements - without being involved in all the other nonsense.

A woman who has had 6 abortions is not unusual and I have had experience with patients who have had more. A girl under the age of 14 has to have a responsible adult (aged 18 or over and doesn't have to be a parent) with them when they are referred for the termination and that same person has to accompany them to the procedure.

15 and over just need to show maturity an awarness for their decisions and if they can't they need a responsible adult with them aswell.

Questions need to be asked of where she has been to be referred and the procedures as those professionals may not be aware of the previous terminations esp if they are in different parts of the country.
If they are aware of the previous terminations they will have been discussed at length with her partners (past and present), contraception, mental health etc and referrals made as appropriate.

However at the end of the day the girl is an adult and can make her own decisions and noone can force her to do something she doesn't want to do. I would suggest her mum doesn't tell her off or shout but discuss the issues surrounding each termination and try and educate her with regards to her sexual health

make_me_wise

This does sound a bit far fetched. Thats roughly an abortion every six months. Surely someone with this girls inteligience would avoid going through that by just using contraception.

Are we sure the daughter wasn't just a bit high on drugs or drunk when she said this.

pigpen

marywooyeah wrote: »

I thought you could "only" have 3 on the NHS, would she really get 6 done? if she had to pay for the others where did she get the money at such a young age?

3 in a 12 month period.. not ever in total! .. though I think very few drs stick by that...

Back to OP

Support your friend.. listen when she needs to offload and otherwise.. dont get involved.. this isnt your problem, this isnt your responsibility and whatever you say can and WILL be used against you in any disagreement that may occur.

Dont offer advice just offer a cuppa and a shoulder.. that is more than enough.

neverdespairgirl

balletshoes wrote: »

I don't know the law regarding this, but before age 16 wouldn't the girl's GP have to notify the parents if the girl was having any kind of abortion?

No, providing the girl is "Gillick competant" the parents aren't told.

mrs_sparrow

marywooyeah wrote: »

As someone whose life was destroyed by being bullied into terminating my baby I find this statement very hard to believe that someone could "not care" especially 6 times.
I thought you could "only" have 3 on the NHS, would she really get 6 done? if she had to pay for the others where did she get the money at such a young age?

Some people do not want babies, you did so saw this as bullying, this girl did not and obviously took chances and got pregnant and got rid of the pregnancy early. However if you have to rely on someone to finance that child for you (ie. too young to claim benefits) then that parent should be able to say no as well. In the same way the parents are able to decide whether or not someone gets married when they are under 18.

As an after thought: I do not know how universities work, do they have doctors there that would prescribe the abortion pill to students? I can imagine teens getting pregnant and giving up their courses is not a statistic that Cambridge would want and maybe this is why she has had the abortions, because she is at Cambridge and their doctors encouraged her to. Maybe she actually wants a baby instead of being at Uni and so keeps on trying so in the end they say 'oh go on, have the baby instead'. We will never know, the mothers job is to sit down and talk to her and find out what is going on. Maybe she wants a way out of Uni and see this as her only way.

Did she go to boarding school OP? If so, maybe she has just felt rejected for too long and wants someone to love her - some girls think babies do this and give unconditional love and so this is why they have/want them so young.

mrs_sparrow

pinknfluffy0 wrote: »

Thank you, that was very kind of you.

Just telling it as it is. Some people think life is clear cut and perfect - only life is not like this for everyone. Better you do what you did than subject your children to a life of abuse or worse.

I agree though (with the other thread) that sending a letter to the kids might be useful, send it to your ex (if you do not want it postcoded, take a trip to london or something) and ask him to email you at the hotmail address and you will transfer the money to him via a basic account. However, send some cards to the children so they have them to remind them that mummy is very sick and has gone away to get better, that it is not their fault and you left them with a daddy who could give them love and you was worried you might hurt them.

To the peole chastising her - you know, years ago they just used to stick people with mental health problems in institutions, the kids never saw their mothers again and they often got told that she had died. Sometimes they did this the minute she got pregnant and the baby was taken away from her. Life has changed and they do not do this anymore however, people do still have these conditions and women harm their children through being stressed and ill because MH conditions are left undiagnosed. I think it is VERY brave of the OP to realise that she may harm her children by living with them and being in their lives.

There have been several instances recently where mothers have taken the lives of their children and then themselves because they have mental health issues. Mum being at home with the children is not always the best option when Mum is sick. Being berated for being sick is an awful thing to do to someone. The OP MIGHT well get better in a few years to come and decide that she wants contact - OP, this is why sending the cards to them does not mean that door is shut forever. If they find you and you are still sick they will then understand because they will be older - however, that has to be HER choice when she feels she is able to cope with them. However, better she leaves than them all end up dead, right?

I am so sorry your past was dragged into this OP and I am sorry for dragging it up again, I hope that it has not been too painful. I hope that you are getting the help you need and life is looking better for you (it sounds like it is). Forever is a long time away, do what you need to for now but maybe think about leaving a door open - children are not small and stressful forever (I hope anyway, LOL). Good luck with everything.

Pollycat

pinknfluffy0 wrote: »

My neigbour came round tonight very upset. She has a 18 year old daughter who is at uni at Cambridge. She says she has always worked hard been a good child. She has during an argument told her mother she has had 6 abortions in 3 years. Her mum has no idea how to cope and I am at a loss how to help her, she is a good friend.

Does the Mum really believe what her daughter has said?

Lots of things are said in the heat of the moment that are designed to hurt and most aren't true.

I don't believe this for one minute.

pinknfluffy0 wrote: »

she has had 6 abortions in 3 years.

melancholly

mrs_sparrow wrote: »

As an after thought: I do not know how universities work, do they have doctors there that would prescribe the abortion pill to students? I can imagine teens getting pregnant and giving up their courses is not a statistic that Cambridge would want and maybe this is why she has had the abortions, because she is at Cambridge and their doctors encouraged her to.

i'd expect her to just be registered at a random GP surgery in the city (which will have lots of students and lots of local residents) and it would be entirely inappropriate for what would probably be multiple separate doctors to all put that kind of pressure on. i'd be surprised by it if that was the case.

i imagine it's an exaggeration said in an arguement to get a reaction and cause hurt. and it's worked! if the daughter is 18, she must be just finishing her first year at uni, so the 6 abortions in 3 years was mainly while she was living at home. the parents should have at least some insight into whether this is likely/plausible. the age means this isn't someone going crazy at university; it pre-dates that.

if it is true then if she has been very promiscuous whilst at home at 16/17, then you could be quite harsh and suggest that the parents need to look at how they have parented through the teenage years. i don't think that would necessarily be fair, but the parent can't just be upset and disappointed that something external has caused this to suddenly happen. the mother clearly doesn't know the daughter as well as she thought she did.

i'd suggest time/space and find out what caused a row so nasty in the first place....

fannyanna

I can understand why the Mother is upset. I'm sure most Mothers like to think they've done well raising their children and then when they turn around and do something stupid the parents may feel some sense of responsibility - as if the childs action is somehow a reflection on their parenting skills. And yes, no matter what age it's still the parents child.

6 abortions in 3 years is just irresponsible. Plain and simple. I am by no means against abortion. I think a woman has a right to do what is best for her however I can't help but think using abortion as a contraceptive method is just reckless.

January20

pinknfluffy0 wrote: »

Have you ever thought my new friends know nothing about my past, as I am trying to put it behind me and move on?

pinkfluffy0, I have the 2 posters who are bothering you on ignore. It's bliss (until someone quotes their posts lol). I suggest you do the same otherwise they will make your time here a misery. Please ignore them! They really do not wish you any good and have understanding or empathy for what you went through, nor willingness to start to try and understand why you made the decisions you did.

I am glad to see that you are making new friends.