nightmare!

Pollycat

sadgirl1 wrote: »

Her other sons hardly spend any time with her

But do they live with their girlfriends? ETA - answered, yes they do so their situation is slightly different to yours

And how long have they been together?

It sounds like you are definitely not your boyfriend's first priority.
If my boyfriend had cancelled plans to spend time with me to go see his mother at little or no notice just because she said 'he hadn't visited for ages', he'd have been shown the door there and then.

Why couldn't he have made arrangements for the following week instead of breaking your arrangements?

He sounds like a Mummy's boy and women partners very rarely win in those circumstances. ETA - even more so after reading your post #40

Instead of 'confronting' him, I think you should sit down with a cup of coffee and plan what to say to him in a calm and reasonable manner when he arrives.

However, from what you've said I wouldn't hold out much hope that it will go your way.

Good luck anyway.

ItchyFeet

I would ask him how he sees things for you both in the future - does he think it's reasonable or normal for you not to attend family gatherings as a matter of course? At what point does he think you will be doing these things together? After how long will he regard you all as a family?

balletshoes

sadgirl1 wrote: »

the other girls do live with her sons, but I know she doesn't want us to live together as she's always trying to get him to buy one bedroom or very small two bedroom properties round the corner from her. He has just been offered a great job miles away so she has now suggested he buy the property from the estate of the deceased relative to try and get him to stay.
I'm glad he's got this job, as even though he'll be further away from me he'll not be able to go round to her house four times a week and be manipulated into becoming single so he'll always be there for her.

you need to stop making excuses for your boyfriend. If he's a mummys boy and can be so easily manipulated by his mother, he's not mature enough for a relationship with an independant woman with kids. sorry, but he is making the decision to call off plans with you to visit his mum, he's the one who didn't invite you to the family meal, it was him, not his mum making those decisions. He is the one who has the supposed relationship with you, not his mother, so he is the one who should be taking your feelings into account.

make_me_wise

sadgirl1 wrote: »

She is always very nice to the other girls, but she is always very nice to my face too. I have been told she has made comments about my weight, but in a nice way apparently. I told him I'd rather not hear anything about what she thinks about my looks in future, as comments like that are rarely made out of kindness (I'm not hugely overweight by the way, so my health is not at risk).

Are you absolutely certain it is the bf mum who makes comments about your weight? Could this bf of yours be saying this to you because he wants to make remarks about your weight, but isn't honest with you as to who is saying/thinking what? Personally I think you are involved with a real manipulator. I feel alot of the problems lie at his door not his mums. Did you hear the conversation with him and his mum, when she asked him to go over. Or was it just what he 'told' you. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him to be honest. I think he is playing you like a fiddle and using his mum as an excuse to do what he likes when he likes. Very odd!

gillypkk

Saturnalia wrote: »

I'm wondering if it is the mother excluding OP or is it the boyfriend refusing to bring her and using the mum as an excuse? Could be either and there's no way of telling.

my ex-hubby used to do this. he would say that his mum had caused a fight between him and her and that he didnt want us to go visit her, he needed to go on his own to sort stuff out with her (which was fine by me, she was a right c*w to me) but the truth was he was taking his gf to meet the family or he wasnt actually seeing his mum or he just wanted to get all the attention to himself and he couldnt if we went coz we were taking the baby with us.

make_me_wise wrote: »

Are you absolutely cetain it is the bf mum who makes comments about your weight? Could this bf of yours be saying this to you because he wants to make remarks about your weight, but isn't honest with you as to who is saying/thinking what. Personally I think you are involved with a real manipulator. I feel alot of the problems lie at his door not his mums. Did you hear the conversation with him and his mum, when she asked him to go over. Or was it just what he 'told' you. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him to be honest. I think he is playing you like a fiddle and using his mum as an excuse to do what he likes when he likes. Very odd!

i have to say i totally agree with the bit in bold.

and you saying you are scared to talk to him etc just says it all really. you are not happy.

January20

pigpen wrote: »

I wouldnt be thinking anything other than HE didnt want me there.. He was happy enough to go but I would be annoyed he didnt want to be seen out with me and ask him what he was so ashamed about!

This isnt about his family and what they think of you.. because when it comes to it, it doesnt matter what they think of you but your OH is supposed to like you and he should have told you about the meal and extended the invitation..

if he were my OH.. he would be dumped.. by text.. straight away.. I wouldnt even think about it.. this shows lack of respect for you... even if you wouldnt have gone it is beside the point.. you should have been given the option.

The family isnt cliquey, it is all OHs doing

I agree with this. He didn't want you there or he was too cowardly to insist that you should be there like his siblings' partners. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that, especially as he is now trying to make you feel guilty and apportion blame to you, when in fact you did NOTHING wrong!

I also question the fact he moved away from you to be closer to his family. That is weird! (unless the relationship with you means little to him).

ETA: having caught up with all your posts OP, he is a manipulating mummy's boy and my suggestion is RUN! before it's too late

carefullycautious

:eek: get out nowwwwww

There are lots of kind loving men out there who will care about you and your children. 4 years of this behaviour I would not tolerate 4 weeks.

meritaten

sadgirl1 wrote: »

the other girls do live with her sons, but I know she doesn't want us to live together as she's always trying to get him to buy one bedroom or very small two bedroom properties round the corner from her. He has just been offered a great job miles away so she has now suggested he buy the property from the estate of the deceased relative to try and get him to stay.
I'm glad he's got this job, as even though he'll be further away from me he'll not be able to go round to her house four times a week and be manipulated into becoming single so he'll always be there for her.[/QUOTE]

I think you have hit the nail on the head here OP! and your boyfs mum sounds like a narcissist! and they are the best manipulators on the planet!

Slinky

I've said it before, I'll say it again, was this man and this situation what you dreamed of when you were a little girl?

OK so we don't all end up with a prince, but I bet a relationship with a mummy's boy who you hardly ever see and doesn't appear to value you that much, wasn't what you were hoping for?

There's somebody better for you out there, by allowing this relationship to continue you don't have the space or opportunity for somebody better to be in your life.

I know it's easy to look in from the outside and offer advice, and so much more difficult to take it, but you DO deserve to be treated better than this. Take back control in your life.

ska_lover

I would ditch this guy without hesitation. Your wasting your time with him.