nightmare!

Dee123_2

Make Me Wise just beat me to it. I was about to ask you to read your own posts back and see how many times you are saying things like "I feel guilty", "I must be horrible/selfish" etc. Your text was not in the least angry or abusive - stop turning it on yourself - you are entitled to your feelings!

marywooyeah

sadgirl1 wrote: »

Why is that some people have a way of making you think that everything is your fault somehow? I've been wronged yet I was the one saying sorry last night, I'm dreading seeing his mum now. In fact I'm dreading seeing my boyfriend later, I actually feel a bit sick.

oh yes I know completely how you feel! my MIL is the same, she has a great way of putting me out/offending/upsetting me then making it look like I'm the bad one and I end up either biting my lip or apologising even though its not my fault.
I distance myself from them, but I'd say to your bf you either need to be included or not, its not fair on you not to know where you stand. he doesn't sound very kiddy friendly either, and to say you have been together for four years but he hasnt come round to the idea of spending a lot of time with your kids tbh I would think you both need to have a long chat about what the future holds for you as a couple. good luck x

FBaby

Teenie_D wrote: »

He might have mentioned it was a family meal but clearly forgot to tell you that that his brothers gf's were going to be there, and mentioning it isn't exactly inviting you!

I totally agree, do you really believe that it is right that after 4 years together, you should have to ask whether you are invited?

Sambucus_Nigra

sadgirl1 wrote: »

That's what I would have said myself if I was reading this from the outside, but it's more difficult when feelings are involved. I can't decide whether I should just end it and save myself any future pain.
As you can probably gather this is not just about last night, it's a build up of events. I'm fed up!

But that's the point; you are sat now questioning all your own actions and you are still scared to tell him to get lost.

Sometimes you just have to break it to see if it's worth mending. Otherwise you will be saying the same old things a year, 2 years, 10 years later...

mountainofdebt

Going slightly off the topic at hand, how does the boyfriend's mum treat you on birthdays and at Christmas - does she treat you any different to the sibling's partners?

Pollycat

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Going slightly off the topic at hand, how does the boyfriend's mum treat you on birthdays and at Christmas - does she treat you any different to the sibling's partners?

I think that's a really pertinent question, not off-topic at all.

I asked something similar in an earlier post:

Pollycat wrote: »

Are they live-in partners? If so, that might be different.
Also, how long have the brothers been with their partners?

It would be helpful to know these things as it might shed light on the Mother's attitude.

If the girlfriends (to use the OP's words) live with the brothers and/or have been togerther for longer than 4 years, it could maybe be argued that she's the 'new kid on the block'.

If, however, they don't live with his brothers and have been together less than 4 years (i.e. as long as the OP has been with her partner), the Mother's attitude is definitely suspect.

Maybe she is getting vibes from her son that the relationship (although long) isn't that serious.

sadgirl1

Her other sons hardly spend any time with her, whenever she needs something doing my boyfriend is called upon. I think she has probably driven them away by trying to play games with them. She is always very nice to the other girls, but she is always very nice to my face too. I have been told she has made comments about my weight, but in a nice way apparently. I told him I'd rather not hear anything about what she thinks about my looks in future, as comments like that are rarely made out of kindness (I'm not hugely overweight by the way, so my health is not at risk).When he was working about four hours from home one weekend she rang him and said she was upset as he hadn't visited for ages, he cancelled our plans and went running up to her only to find out she had gone dancing. In my opinion she only rang him to make him feel guilty so he wouldn't be able to enjoy his weekend with me. I know he's to blame as he won't stand up to her, but she is a very manipulative woman and I have come to realise it's better not to compete with her.
I am going to confront him when he arrives later as I can see now that being in a relationship shouldn't make you feel sad, let's see how it goes.

Saturnalia

I'm wondering if it is the mother excluding OP or is it the boyfriend refusing to bring her and using the mum as an excuse? Could be either and there's no way of telling.

But there are so many red flags in your posts that you need to sit down and think seriously about it all. Excluding you from his family life or not sticking up for you when his mum does, trying to make you feel you're in the wrong for being upset over his bad behaviour (very manipulative and sadly, often how abuse begins), and worst of all not liking your children. And making you feel sick and dread at the thought of seeing him later, none of this points to a positive relationship.

sadgirl1

the other girls do live with her sons, but I know she doesn't want us to live together as she's always trying to get him to buy one bedroom or very small two bedroom properties round the corner from her. He has just been offered a great job miles away so she has now suggested he buy the property from the estate of the deceased relative to try and get him to stay.
I'm glad he's got this job, as even though he'll be further away from me he'll not be able to go round to her house four times a week and be manipulated into becoming single so he'll always be there for her.

balletshoes

sadgirl1 wrote: »

I do think that they genuinely thought that it would be inconvenient for me to attend, he mentioned the meal on Wednesday and said it was a family meal. I'm thinking that I maybe should have said outright if I was going to be invited, it was suggested in his text last night that he told me on Wednesday and I waited til the night he was out to say something. I was invited last year, so maybe they were being genuine and I've been selfish and immature in my actions.

erm no - he didn't ask you to come to the meal when he mentioned it on Wednesday, why on earth would you think you were expected to ask him if you were invited??? this is not your fault, its his, and if he's peed off because of your text on Saturday - well good! he should be ashamed of himself for not making it clear that you were invited (but from what you say, I really don't think he was bothered one way or the other whether you came or not).