Real life MMD: Should I pay off her debts?

codekiddie

First time posting but...

... DON'T DO IT!!!!!

I wish I had this many people telling me not to do it back in 2005 when I did do it. I paid my ex GF mortgage debts, (on more than one occasion I am embarrased to say) on the promise that I would be paid back in full.

Six years and one break up later, and she is STILL refusing to entertain paying me back a penny, and now I am the one who is not debt free.

Evil_Roy_Slade

Suggest she considers a Debt Relief Order via The Insolvency Service. This is an official government process, not one of the dodgy ones that are extensively advertised.

Joanne77

I would say no. You have only known this girl for a short space of time and as she has not been able to control her own spending the chances of her paying you the money back are very slim.

You are doing the right thing in helping her to tackle her debts as she needs to take responsibility for them. If you are still with her in 3 years or so and she has paid off most of her debts you could help her out with a final payment for one or two of them if you still want to help.

weeredhead

Please do not pay off her debts!

I have been in a similar position, where I was in about £15000 worth of debt. My Dad very kindly paid this off for me just before I was about to go back to university for the second time to train as a teacher. However, two years later I was back in debt again, this time by £9000.

Although very helpful, having my debt paid off for me taught me nothing. I didn't become any better at managing my debt or living life within my means.

About 9 months ago I started dating a new boyfriend who really helped me sort myself out. He helped me enrol in a debt management plan and cut up all my credit cards and store cards. He didn't have enough money to pay my debts off for me, but with his help I am now in a better position than I've ever been. I can budget my money every month, spend only on what is necessary and manage my money in a much more independent and grown up way.

My advice would be that helping her to manage her money better will be of more benefit to her than simply erasing the debt for her, otherwise she will never learn. She is lucky to have someone as supportive as you behind her.

Good luck!

scoobydoobydoo

Not unless you are happy to kiss it goodbye!

Pamelamac

Support your girlfriend by helping her work out a PLAN, through the CAB or another debt advice agency, for HER to pay off her debts. Maybe you could offer to pay for a 'takeaway' one night a week as a treat for her, but she has to take responsibility for her past actions.

She does not look like a very good prospect for the future, if she is this bad with money now, what would she be like if you had joint commitments?

She needs, for her own self respect, to pay this debt back and prove to you and her bank/credit card companies, that she is/can be capable and in control of her finances.

Good Luck to both of you.

Name:_Lee

All I would say is make sure she has enough money for the monthly repayments, and don’t suggest holidays and the like that may over stretch her.

If she picks up any defaults or ccj's etc on that debt it will heavily affect you and your relationship together in the future.

My girlfriend had a lot of bad debt when we got together. Years later after we got engaged I helped her by settling her debt early at around 50% of its value (she was able to negotiate this with her lenders).

This saved her about £6-7k. She then paid me back until the debt was cleared.

curlygirl1971

My sister once paid off £5k of her partners debt on the understanding he would pay it back.......guess what? He didn't. He earned more than her and he had more assets than her - but it didn't stop him owing people money all over the place. She eventually got it back after the relationship failed by taking him through the small claim court - it was 10 months of a lot of stress that made her quite unwell.

My relatively well-off friend paid off around £50k's worth of his GF's debt......guess what? They split up and he has no idea where she is. She's paying it back in installments and if she continues at the current level it will be another 15 years before it's clear. In the meantime he has people chasing him for her old debts. It's a miracle that payment arrives every month as she owes other people a lot of money - the payments could easly stop at any point.

2 intelligent people did this - believing that the right thing was to pay off the debt to keep the couple out of debt. One of them did it so that they could both enjoy a nice lifestyle without the other having to worry about huge debt repayments. He's been left having to economise and feeling dreadfully bitter. It doesn't work.... I've never heard of one sucess story coming out of debt-repayment for a friend or partner.

Don't pay off someone's debt unless a) you can afford to write it off without a second thought, b) they can prove that they've completely and absolutely mended their ways.

EGC

Have you considered moving in together? You could pay the rent/mortgage, utility and food bills, she could repay her debts - and repay you by doing all the housework and cooking. You'd still be being wildly generous, and would at least find out what she's really like without paying sixteen grand for the privilege.

redroselass

Please dont pay off her debts it is far better to continue helping her to pay them back and get her all the advice that she so obviously needs. 8 months into a relationship is not a very long time at all. Sometimes the best way is being cruel to be kind.

As others have said, just give a few treats now and again and she will learn to appreciate you more than if you cleared her debts and she never learns lifes hard lessons.