The Matrix - Re-Evolution!!

clairewop

Nice to hear from you Fantasia,

Well this month is going to be a scrimp and save month. As we are both absolutely brassic All dh's money has gone already Going to just about scrape bills this week and have £18 left till thurs to buy stuff for school sandwiches. So I may be shouting for ideas how to stretch the £18 and the food

Bitsy_Beans

Claire what sortmof things will be consumed for lunches? Can you make do with jam sandwiches, cheese, maybe cheese straws etc? Am pretty sure between us we can comemup with a shopping list to help you xxx

Fantasia Dane number 2???? Nice to see you are alive and kicking

fantasia322

Its my turn to post deep, but I have this friend, her name is Ana. So this is really on her behalf but mine too if that makes sense. Ana was very relevant in my life when I was younger. She was very dominant, wanted all my time, and literally insisted that I follow her rules, and I did because I wanted to be in control (double standard really because Ana controlled me).

Christian name 'Ana', surname 'Nervosa'. You get my drift.

I went from 9 stones to 6 stones when I was 19 and stayed that way till I got counselling and treatment over a period of 15 months.
Got pregnant with dd at 21 and never looked back blah blah, except when life got tough and Ana would whisper in my ear. SHe had whispered at me through out my life when times are hard (I dont do depressed, I do extremes !!!!!!).

Hence when I stopped smoking I 'controlled' my weight with 'diet' and overly harsh exercise.

And I gave in and ate and fed my 'apetite' and deafened myself to 'Ana'.

SO I've gone from size 8, 8 and a half stone, to size 12. 10 stone 6.

Hieght is 5 foot 7 and a half, so the 10 stone probs is probably healthy, but I'm hating it, and while the Ana thing is really long gone. I'm 'hearing' her (it) (her is the old way of describing it).

My doctor, even with the medical records, said get over it, its only 2 stone. Which is true, but I hate it, I dont know how to rid, with out excess starving and over exercising .

If I fast, can lose it in 10 days,just nibbling and drinking water.

but its like one addiction goes an an old one wants to come back.
I feel like a naive child because I dont know if i need to see a dietician, I just wanted my GP to take me seriously.
ETA - have a friends St Bernard for 2 weeks, and I think Leyla needs a larger friend so have contacted rescue to offer to foster. x

Firewalker

Good evening, peeps. Sorry to hear about your Gran MrsB - as I say 'I lost my Mum' to the same thing. I lost her long before she passed away. It is a horrible thing to have but, as others have said, for everybody else. I used to be terrified that I'll get it as well; in fact went and got myself a nintendo DS to play the brain games. Now I know that I should stop thinking about it - just in case the law of attraction really works.

On a different matter, hard to believe as it is I made muffins today. Generally a cooking day - a bucket of tomato soup, muffins and pizza for dinner. Oh, and ciabbata for lunch. Now need to rest my leg.

Firewalker

Hovel_lady

clairewop wrote: »

good afternoon,

HL my sister died on my birthday too, I have been told that if a relative dies on your birthday they become your guardian angel. Not sure how true this is though, thinking of you (((hugs))).

I don't know if it's true either but it is a lovely thought.
Thank you, my thoughts are with you too xx

greenbee

Fantasia - at your height, 10 stone is a he'll of a lot healthier than your previous weight. And size 12 is good. Think of your health - you need the weight to maintain the your calcium levels and also as you get older, to help you cope with illness as this gets harder.

Can you look at yourself objectively, or do you have body dismorphia as part of the problem? You need to learn to appreciate your body as it is... Healthy and feminine. Maybe go and see MG's DS2 for a cuddle... It sounds like you'll be the perfect size and shape for a cuddle!

I on the other hand appear to have been losing weight. I feel fat due to the inactivity and lethargy, but today have worn trousers that have always been too small. However, I hate the fact that my body is flabby and my mother, typically, isn't helping - convinced that being inactive must make me fat. According to my dad she has body dysmorphia when it comes to MY body... not hers, and perceives me as larger than I am. However, I do want to try to tone up what there is!

My appetite is still poor, but I'm eating in order to be able to take the iron supplements. I thought I was feeling better till today - 5 hours out of the house was just too much for me, so I need to rest tomorrow.

Claire - MG's DS1 might be able to help on lunches for school. If you're at home I recommend soup. What do you have in the house? And have you been over to the OS board? If you post the contents of your fridge, freezer and cupboards they'll probably be able to come up with three meals a day for the four of you without spending anything!

fantasia322

The 'Ana' thing is way in my past. and is rearing her head in mhy present, because I took control and gave up the nicotine ect. What I am trying to establish is, should I see a dietician, or who do I see to try and get rid of this 'fat' body image. I know that I am not, its just echoes from the past htat need to be banished and I am struggling with it. ITMS x

clairewop

Claire - MG's DS1 might be able to help on lunches for school. If you're at home I recommend soup. What do you have in the house? And have you been over to the OS board? If you post the contents of your fridge, freezer and cupboards they'll probably be able to come up with three meals a day for the four of you without spending anything!

The problem is my lot are fussy and won't eat lentils etc. so I am stuck

Bitsy_Beans

Fantasia I am concerned that you shouldn't be seeing a dietician, you've lived with an eating disorder and a dietician is not going to deal with that. I think professional counselling would perhaps be a place to start? Hugs honey and well done on a brave post xxxx

I don't know if this will help but I am a follower of this blog http://dropitandeat.blogspot.com/ xxx

Eager_Elephant

Claire - Can you do pasta with sauce (similar to what you might have for tea) and they eat it cold? When my DD takes in pasta or rice salad all the other children think it's great.

Could you make some buns or flapjacks?