Should my wife give up work? Your thoughts and experiences.

Bitsy_Beans

Phil3822 wrote: »

Childminder is an option but we dont have the biggest house. Reasonable but I always imagine we would need a bigger house.

You don't need a massive house. You can childmind from a flat if need be. It's about how you use the space available that counts. The amount of floor space will affect the numbers of children you are registered for and indeed your own children (if under the age of 8) will be counted as part of your quota (eg I am registered for 4, my own 2 kids take up 2 of that quota thereby leaving me with space for 2 children per day).
Given your wife's qualifications it would be a job that she's used to although I must stress being a one man band is hard work, all the paperwork is your responsibility but again it's a means to an end.

Kimberley82

Is she happy with the idea of not working? I didnt work for 8 years, I loved having that time with my children and feel my children really benefited too. If you can afford it and are both happy then go for it.

Children grow up so fast make the most of them.

Savvy_Sue

Personally I think you need to look ahead a bit: atm you need a couple of days childcare, but once tiddler turns 3 won't there be some free childcare available? And then before you know it, that one will be at school, older one will be at secondary school. So this plan needs to have short, medium and longer term elements.

Childminding will take a while to set up (registration, training etc) but continuing to apply for jobs while she looks into that might lead to something - there's few jobs in schools advertised over the summer, but nurseries might be advertising.

marywooyeah

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Have I misunderstood? He is working, and has a home, a student wife, and a child, but doesn't contribute towards the cost of feeding and clothing you and your child, or the cost of the bills? Please tell me I have got the wrong end of the stick here?

he pays the rent and the council tax, I pay the bills and everything else. sometimes he pays if we have a meal out, but he doesnt give me any money towards our child (eg new clothes etc) or food shopping.

skintchick

I haven't read all the replies, but I gave up work to have a family and we survive just fine on the one wage. Yes, there is much less money coming in (50 per cent less) but we spend less, too. I don't use my car much so that's a saving (and if we just had one car it would be even bigger but I cannot part my OH from his sports car!), I don;t pay for a season train ticket any more, I don't buy lunches and coffees and go out for drinks after work etc.

So I think it can be done fairly easily, we even moved house to something bigger on one wage.

But looking after small children is very demanding and never-ending. your wife has a taste of this due to her job, but when it is small people it is much worse! I am on duty 24/7 and never get a break. Sometimes I long for time to myself, BUT this is also a short period of time, once they go to school then you get your days back to do things in.

I think your wife would benefit from doing a list of pros and cons, and then scoring them, when I did this I sued a scale of 1-10, so if it's a really big con it gets a 10, and if it's a really big pro it gets a 10. Scoring like this is better than just a list because it helps you work out the nuances, in that there may be more cons than pros, for example, BUT the cons may score more highly so they outbalance the cons, which may be minor irritations than big dealbreakers.

If you know the figures make sense, then really it is down to your wife to work out if being a full-time mum would suit her. All I will say is that your children, especially the youngest, will benefit from it and it sounds like you would too.

onlyroz

No, I don't think she should give up work. What will she do in a few years when all the kids are at school? By all means reduce the hours, or look for a job with hours that better match yours, but I think it would be a mistake to give up completely.

DevilsAdvocate1

onlyroz wrote: »

No, I don't think she should give up work. What will she do in a few years when all the kids are at school? By all means reduce the hours, or look for a job with hours that better match yours, but I think it would be a mistake to give up completely.

I don't agree. How boring is life if we get one job and stick with it for 45 years. Children are little for such a short time and you can never get that back.

If you are having little family time and one of you stopping working or reducing your hours will give you more time, then you will have a better quality of life. Material things mean nothing in the scheme of things.

Good luck.

LoopyLil_2

I agree with DevilsAdvocate1.

I gave up work to care for my children full time. We got by financially, through making a few sacrifices and I am so glad I am lucky enough to be a full time mum.

I guess it is upto you both to work out what you want from your family life together. I don't think it is an easy decision as both options have plus and minus points. Nobody can make the choice for you. Good luck which ever path you choose

Naide

Phil3822 wrote: »

Wife sat next to me now. No she did not get bored in maternity. We have so much to do round the house, garden and area. Wife also has a few friends in the area. I think its more about concern about purpose and repitition as already mentioned. It's like anything, the general fear on unknown. Her current job is very time consuming so she always has something to do which means the house gets left behind a little. I am included in this aswell as seem to prioritise my hobbies or the children or dog over the house.

It is our thought that if we were to reduce to one wage we would get rid of sky in order to encourage more interactive activity and save time. Grow some veg in the garden, we have a very large garden. Maybe even reduce food bill. We used to be able to feed the family when there was 3 on £40 a week!!! It's now £85 per week although wife spends about £25 of that on business items.

I am a stay-at-home mum, but it's a very loose term because I don't actually stay-at-home that much. I run the house and the finances, do all the decorating, etc. I volunteer at my son's school, I run a double sized allotment. I have fun with my boys during the school hols and I am here for them when they go out to school and when they come home from school.
We just can't afford for me to work as daft as that sounds. We have no family support. Childcare costs would barely cover what I would make. We've had to make a few concessions though. I don't drive so no need for a second car, we haven't had a holiday this year, we claim no benefits whatsoever - apart from the child benefit - and we have a lovely pace of life. I don't do lunch, watch day-time TV, we don't have SKY and don't miss it! And spend I all and every day working to maintain our lovely home-life. That is priceless.
I am lucky but we planned it very carefully before we made the choice to have children. I know the unexpected can happened but I don't want to wait for that happen to enjoy our lives as a family.
We spend a lot of time together on the allotment, our weekends are free and we can just enjoy each other - going for bike rides, brambling, lazing in the pool or friends visiting for sunday lunch. We're known as The Larkins to our friends! We're skint most of the time but I don't need things and neither do my kids. We're not poor in the sense we go without, we just don't have high-tech stuff and we don't have mobile phone contracts either so that helps.
It was our lifestyle choice and it suited us. And it suits us now.
Hope that helps!

Phil3822

Thanks all, there really is a split here however all your views are helping us to form some sort of discision. We are thinking at the moment that wife may give up work but do a study at home course so she has something to go back to in a few years. Thats a whole different discussion though. This has been the first weekend in a while we have spent together as a family and it has been lovely. Was youngests 2nd birthday!