Should my wife give up work? Your thoughts and experiences.

Phil3822

Hi all, this is a joint post from my wife and I. Currently I work in the Prison Service and earn an average of £30000. My wife works as a self employed weight loss consultant and she pays herself an average wage of £150 per week for about 16 hours of out of home work. Alot of the work is in the evenings.

We have 2 children aged 2 and 8. We currently pay for childcare services for 2 days a week which cost between £40 and £60 per week.

We have found recently that we see very little of each other mostly because of my hours but how both of our hours overlap. Further to this becuase of my wifes business the home is never our own as work is always bought home. Phone calls, accounts, records etc etc.

This has led us to think we are not doing enough as a family and maybe not giving the children as much attention as we should. We have also struggled to manage the household.

We are now going through a process of deciding if my wife should give up working for a few years. With some careful budgeting we can afford to although we would have less and things would be tighter. We would reduce to one car and not have any childcare costs to try and offset.

We know there are plenty of people who manage both working, the household and the children however we are not one of them.

My wife has also found her work to be more stressful recently because of some difficult people and an increase in competition.

We can give more info as needed however we are struggling to reach a decision. One minute we say she will give it up then we say give it a little longer etc.

My wife is concerned she will get bored so interested in this view as well as other comments.

CH27

Looking at the SOA you posted recently you cannot afford for her to not work.

snugglepet20

I gave up work almost 2 years ago due to extortionate childcare costs and it almost halved our income. To be honest we haven't really noticed it much as the cost of the mortgage has halved due to low rates and I have learned to do without my foreign holidays. Being at home also gives you more time to shop around for things and get the best deal so you save money that way. However at times it is very boring being at home and if I could afford the childcare I probably would go back part-time.

clearingout

firstly I would make sure you're claiming everything you're entitled to - childcare vouchers would help with reducing the childcare bill a little (which isn't huge anyway - you're very lucky). I am not sure on working tax credit thresholds (which would contribute towards the childcare) but I think you're over it - hopefully someone in the know will confirm or negate that for you!

It is not boring being at home with children but it can be hard work and very repetitive. You are also at a small person's beck and call and I personally get fed up with that! I would personally not have given up work unless I had to - I am not working currently as a result of my marraige breakdown and not being able to find work which fits around young children - and I am struggling to get back into work although am about to enter into re-training which will improve things no end.

As someone who's relationship broke down very unexpectedly, I would suggest it is very important for any person (male or female) to have a level of financial independence because you never know what is around the corner. It's not just about divorce, but sudden, terminal or serious illness or being run over by a bus. You think it might not happen to you but it does happen and it happens to ordinary people on a daily basis. Unfortunately, I have found few people, unless they have been there, seem to get this (I certainly didn't prior to my husband walking out!). I would certainly advocate looking at good amounts of life insurance and cover to replace your wage if you are going down to just the one wage....

Phil3822

Thanks both, in terms of the SOA you refer to. There are a few inflated things on there due to general business expenses such as shopping and phone. The mortgage amount on the SOA also incudes my overpayment which I could reduce. I have done another SOA with my wage alone and no business stuff or mortgage overpayment which comes in pretty close but ok. I must say I think in someways having less available cash in the house would sort some of my spending problems out. Wife's business deals mostly in cash. I do appreciate the views though as of course money is a concern.

Phil3822

Thanks Clearingout. You are right and make good points. We are pretty protected. Prior to recieving my wage I pay pension and an income protection thing. The family would be very well looked after if I died however I would be worried if I lost my job. Currenly do have childcare vouchers.

Pips_Mum

Hi!

We are in much the same position.

My work has decided to close my local site and relocate us all to another site over an hours commute each way, this is too much for me and I have been granted Voluntary Redundancy that will begin December time. We need to decide if I find another job straight away or if I take time out to care for the family/household and maybe add to the brood. I work part time and currently pay over £250 a week in childcare for our little boy, this of course could be saved if I was at home.

As for being bored I think she may be surprised how much she will find to do! How was she when on Maternity leave? Did she get bored then? I know its not quite the same but it may give an indication.

Will watch the thread with interest, good luck with your decision :-)

Phil3822

Wife sat next to me now. No she did not get bored in maternity. We have so much to do round the house, garden and area. Wife also has a few friends in the area. I think its more about concern about purpose and repitition as already mentioned. It's like anything, the general fear on unknown. Her current job is very time consuming so she always has something to do which means the house gets left behind a little. I am included in this aswell as seem to prioritise my hobbies or the children or dog over the house.

It is our thought that if we were to reduce to one wage we would get rid of sky in order to encourage more interactive activity and save time. Grow some veg in the garden, we have a very large garden. Maybe even reduce food bill. We used to be able to feed the family when there was 3 on £40 a week!!! It's now £85 per week although wife spends about £25 of that on business items.

shirlgirl2004

If she sits at home all day watching Jeremy Kyle then she'll be bored. If she's busy taking your 2 year old out exploring nature, doing arty things, having "help" to do the housework then the days will fly by. Whether she should do it is a different matter, it doesn't sound as if you can afford it. In another year (or less) you will get 15 hours free childcare so your outgoings in that department should reduce. Staying at home and looking after the children is a luxury you can't afford I'm afraid.

Lara44

Phil3822 wrote: »

We know there are plenty of people who manage both working, the household and the children however we are not one of them.

Would it be possible to learn these skills together, and get more creative with your current arrangements?

For example maybe your wife could try to change her business to encompass more daytime working? Are there groups of people who need her services that would be available during the day? It is possible to provide her services to working people at lunch hour? (Really sorry, I don't know the nuts and bolts of what your wife does ). Could she do some market research into related businesses that would suit her and the family hours you'd like to keep?

I also thought that if your wife works evenings it might be a good opportunity for the kids to spend with their Dad. Rather than sitting in the house missing Mum, you could rethink that time and take your kids swimming, to the park and make a weekly thing of it.

It's natural that your wife's working life will be part of your home life, with home working anyway But don't forget your hours also dictate a lot of how family life is structured too. Is there a compromise you could make between you, for example your wife works for only one hour in the evenings after dinner? Could you batch cook meals so there's a bit of extra time in the evenings? Could she make a work area in the house that stays strictly for work?

We have unconventional work setups to accommodate both our careers, but we don't have any kids yet, and I know that really changes things. What has worked for us is having a positive attitude and a bit of creativity. Something bad, like being stuck on your own with the kids can be transformed into something good. There is always the risk that your wife giving up her job won't solve all your problems in the way you expect,

CH27

Could cutting her hours be a compromise to see how things develop?