You are a fool if you have a joint bank account.

Spendless

tomatoe wrote: »

OK, sneaky but not illegal. At least the wifes money being seperate meant she wasn't contributing anything. The affair would have happened anyway regardless of joint accounts or not. Indeed, but he wouldn't have been able to pay her an erhem 'wage' if they'd had a joint account and his wife was keeping tabs on what was being spent. I would query any standing orders set up to 'lilo lil' within the 1st month out of our joint account.



Well, again, if he/she has then at least that debt is in their own name only, and the other partner is not legally liable for it.

As my 8yo likes to put it 'what's that got to do with the fish?' :huh: It's still debt built up without the other partners knowledge.

margaretclare

tomatoe wrote: »

Oh dear, she is exactly what I meant by laziness, ignorance or financial naievety

Back in the old days things were very different and a couple had very rigid defined roles. In modern day Britain its all changed and its common to have 2 or 3 serious long term relationships over the course of a lifetime rather than the safer long marriage which you may well be in. That's 2 or 3 chances for an ex to cause mayhem if you have an account in joint names.

DH took some convincing about a joint account because he had previously, in 2 marriages especially the second, had similar experiences to the ones you describe. I was widowed and - because my first husband 'hadn't believed in insurances' at the time when it mattered, when he was a young dad 20 years earlier, at the time of his death I was also facing redundancy. I'm now happily remarried and I have learned about the financial basics, often the hard way.

Our joint account is funded by both of us equally. We haven't a cheque book or a bank card for it, we never take cash out of it. Cash is taken as we need it from our own accounts. Because we each have our own pensions income, we have our own current accounts, credit cards and S&S ISAs. Anything we want personally we pay for ourselves.

DH's ex insisted on having 2 cats from a rescue centre. She wrote a cheque for £20 on their joint account knowing he'd just come to the end of yet another short-term contract and had no likelihood of another one. The day after was the day he left.

onlyroz

I think it would be unwise to pool *all* of the household money. We have a joint account, and we pay into it enough to cover the direct debits. Everything else (i.e. food, fuel, personal spends, personal savings) we sort out ourselves. My husband is not brilliant with money and has absolutely no idea how much money he has at any one time. It is for this reason that I wouldn't want to pool all the money - because I'm happier knowing exactly how much money I have to get through the month.

margaretclare

Something which you are quite honestly even blinder than I first thought. Over a life-time together the odds of at least one partner becoming seriously ill at some point are very high. We don't all stay in our 20s-40s forever. The older we get the more likely that we will end up with and unanticipated hospitalisation at some point.

Yes, I agree. My DH was in Critical Care back in 2008, septicaemia, almost had a leg amputated, nearly died. I thought I was facing a second widowhood, which was my worst nightmare. It was a huge comfort not to have to worry about the normal bills getting paid - once set up, the whole thing runs like clockwork.

Every time we open the local paper there is some tragic story of a young person being suddenly taken ill or dying in a road accident. It happens out of the blue and can happen at any age.

haras_nosirrah

My husband and I have reached a happy medium

I bring home around 2k a month, he brings home around 1200 so I am the primary wage earner.

We pay into a joint account £900 (me) and £600 (him) This is to cover food, mortgage, bills etc. Neither of us has the bank card for this account and can't withdraw cash it is all direct debits and any left over goes into joint savings at the end of the month. This month for example I have transfered over my amount but as my pay won't arrive in time for the bills due out on the first I have paid in additional money over the counter to cover our bills on the first and will then repay myself when the money clears.

We have our own personal accounts where we pay for fuel, personal spends, hobbies, presents etc.

I also overpay the mortgage each month as we are planning on starting our family next year and my husbands wages won't be enough for our £800 a month mortgage so I am getting to a point of 6 months mortgage payments in the overpayment fund so I can take this time off with the new baby.

Any big purchases are discussed but as the main wage earner I take the main responsibility for saving up for household purchases i.e. new windows, bathroom etc

This works well for us as I wouldn't like it that we were arguing over who had paid this weeks food bill and that was more than last weeks therefore they owed them money or if a split one could say they had paid the mortgage therefore they were more entitiled to a bigger share or similar. I also pay more as I would hate it if I had tons of money left over while my husband struggled to afford to buy his fuel - we are a partnership however by maintaining our own seperate accounts as well that our wages get paid into we do maintain control if things did go wrong.

When we have children we have agreed that my partner will go part time - it wouldn't then be fair that I have all the money and he is living on next to nothing. Sometimes you have to trust in people but also ensure that you have a get out if need be.

snugglepet20

If you choose to share your finances with your partner and they steal your money when you break up then they are a thief, plain and simple. The OP is victim blaming by suggesting it is the person who trusts others who is to blame. The blame lies solely with the dishonest party.

OH and I don't have joint accounts and most of his money is in my account because I am better with finances and his credit rating is not great but he knows I am not a money-grabbing you know what. If we ever broke up I would give him his share back.

January20

snugglepet20 wrote: »

If you choose to share your finances with your partner and they steal your money when you break up then they are a thief, plain and simple. The OP is victim blaming by suggesting it is the person who trusts others who is to blame. The blame lies solely with the dishonest party.

Quite! Also, what is the point of going into a serious relationship if from the onset one (or both) partner(s) don't trust the other? Might as well give up and remain single.

Blobby8_2

haras_nosirrah wrote: »

My husband and I have reached a happy medium

I bring home around 2k a month, he brings home around 1200 so I am the primary wage earner.

We pay into a joint account £900 (me) and £600 (him) This is to cover food, mortgage, bills etc. Neither of us has the bank card for this account and can't withdraw cash it is all direct debits and any left over goes into joint savings at the end of the month. This month for example I have transfered over my amount but as my pay won't arrive in time for the bills due out on the first I have paid in additional money over the counter to cover our bills on the first and will then repay myself when the money clears.

We have our own personal accounts where we pay for fuel, personal spends, hobbies, presents etc.

I also overpay the mortgage each month as we are planning on starting our family next year and my husbands wages won't be enough for our £800 a month mortgage so I am getting to a point of 6 months mortgage payments in the overpayment fund so I can take this time off with the new baby.

Any big purchases are discussed but as the main wage earner I take the main responsibility for saving up for household purchases i.e. new windows, bathroom etc

This works well for us as I wouldn't like it that we were arguing over who had paid this weeks food bill and that was more than last weeks therefore they owed them money or if a split one could say they had paid the mortgage therefore they were more entitiled to a bigger share or similar. I also pay more as I would hate it if I had tons of money left over while my husband struggled to afford to buy his fuel - we are a partnership however by maintaining our own seperate accounts as well that our wages get paid into we do maintain control if things did go wrong.

When we have children we have agreed that my partner will go part time - it wouldn't then be fair that I have all the money and he is living on next to nothing. Sometimes you have to trust in people but also ensure that you have a get out if need be.

If my maths is correct you have almost twice the disposable income of your husband, does that feel "right"?

haras_nosirrah

That is about right. I am therefore the one funding the new bathroom and new windows for our house (around 9k) I put around £500 a month into our savings pot for mortgage overpayments aka baby savings so that my husband won't have to worry about paying the mortgage when I go on maternity leave.

While I may have more 'disposable income' I choose to dispose of it by financing our future. I probably spend less than £50 a month on myself. My husband also doesn't spend a huge amount on himself and has built up his own personal savings from what he has left over.

Blobby8_2

haras_nosirrah wrote: »

That is about right. I am therefore the one funding the new bathroom and new windows for our house (around 9k) I put around £500 a month into our savings pot for mortgage overpayments aka baby savings so that my husband won't have to worry about paying the mortgage when I go on maternity leave.

Sounds great , but whats the advantage to seperate accounts, seriously I cant see one.