Sisters debt. Bank of Mom and Dad.

BitterAndTwisted

They earn a substantial amount between them, they've been using their property as an ATM, borrowed £2k and not paid it back and are now in £38k's worth of debt.

Your parents should not give them another penny and it doesn't sound like they can afford it in any case. The idea of settling their mortgage and letting them live there like tenants is a crazy one and will end in misery for all parties concerned. Guaranteed. Let them find their own solution to getting out of debt instead of leaching off a pair of pensioners! You might love your sis to death but she and her husband are idiots and are behaving like manipulative and worthless scumbags.

gunsandbanjos

Wow! I would never ask my mum and dad for that kind of money:eek: And they are relatively well off. They help me out with bits and pieces (6k loan to buy a car, but that is being paid back in monthly installments. It would never cross my mind not to pay it back) and we go on holiday with them to their timeshare once a year.
But as an adult you need to learn to live your own life and that includes managing your finances. If you borrow/spend the money, then you pay it back, no ifs, no buts.
Good luck notakid.

pmlindyloo

It seems to me that since your parents have offered to pay their debts and buy their house then your parents have a considerable amount of savings.

Now forgive me if I am wrong but you also say your parents live a frugal life. Is it possible that your parents do not touch their savings because they see this as their children's inheritance?

If this is the case then it is possible, indeed probable, that your sister has the attitude -'it's going to come to me eventually, why not have it now when I need it?'

I'm sorry if that's totally wrong but I have seen this in so many families. In fact, parents often condone this thinking by 'going along' with giving the money early, as it were. (Although, you say your afther is going to loan the money.)

I am a great believer in parents spending their money on themselves but I know that it is difficult to 'persuade' them to do so if they have a different attitude to this.

As many posters have said lending/giving people money does not solve the underlying problem. Your sister and her husband have a very good salary and something is going/has gone (probably both) very wrong. This is the issue that has to be addressed.

abbecer

I sympathise with the whole situation. I too was very ill with depression for 5 years (PND) and was unable to work. My husband worked hard and supported us all but we really struggled with money due to the huge drop in income. To get by we chose to rely on Visa's etc rather than lose our home. We now have 18k debt (was 23k). I've been back at work 3 years and we both work very hard and will eventually pay our debt. I would not ever dream of asking anyone to bail us out. Our situation is of our own making and we will deal with it. I think it is unfair of your sister to accept any help financially but should be grateful of your moral support and practical help. Best wishes to all your family, especially your Mum.

xxxx

Chakani

If your parents are thinking of buying their house and allowing the family to continue to live in it, what would happen if one or both of your parents needed expensive nursing care as they got older? I would think a house owned outright would be classed as a financial asset, so at the least it would end up with a charge on it that would have to be paid when they died - would that mean your sister and her family, on top of losing their parents, would lose their home as well?

Thinking further along those lines, most parents want to leave their assets split fairly among their children, how would that work if one of the major assets was the home of one child? I can forsee so many ways that could end badly, unless they have property or money of equal value that they intend to leave to each of the other siblings....

SueC_2

The fact is, some people just can't manage money. Even very intelligent and capable people. And the more money they have, the more unmanageable it becomes.

By continuing to bail your sister out, your parents are simply making the situation worse. They will drain themselves dry, and then realise that your sister is still in debt because the more money they have thrown at her, the more she has thrown away.

If your sister had any intention of sorting out her financial situation, she'd be taking responsibility for herself and seeking 'professional' advice, not just holding out the begging bowl.

Sorry, that probably sounds really harsh, and to be fair, I don't know your sister so can't claim to understand her motivations. But I have known people in very similar situations. And none of them ended happily.

savingmummy

60k a year between them and they want `mum and dads hard earned savings` to clear stupidly spent money :eek:

Definately get your sister and her husband to get professional help!
Others are right as soon as mum and dad help, more will follow it has to stop somewhere.
Even the 2k they were given hasnt been fully repaid back which, if i owed my parents that much i`d be scrubbing loos by hand 24/7 to get it paid up!

To have racked up that amount of debt and nothing to show for it they clearly are just wasting money on something - maybe this needs assessing to correct the problem aswell...what do you think they have spent so much on?

You parents need to enjoy the rest of their lives together and not be worrying about your sisters finance problems.

euronorris

If your parents are reluctant to let your sister and her husband sort this out, it might be worth pointing out that one day, she won't have your parents to turn to for help, and probably no clue in how to resolve the issue either. So, by helping her now, they're hurting her future.

It would be far better for everyone concerned, if they sat down with her and explain how to budget (but not actually do it for her), and give her the contacts of those organisations who can genuinely help, and point out that the other companies (like payday loan places) will only make the situation worse etc.

Offer information, knowledge, experience, guidance and support, but absolutely NOT money.

Will it be tough? Absolutely! Will it be worth it? HELL YES!

If this can be achieved, then your sister and her husband will have learnt some valuable lessons, and your parents will be able to rest easy in the knowledge that both of their daughters will be OK when they're no longer around (sorry, not trying to be morbid or saying that this will happen anytime soon).

AND......if your sister and her hubby manage to sort this out by themselves, by the time inheritence is a reality, they will be free of debt and actually able to enjoy it! Rather than just dig themselves out of one hole, only to dig another.

sunny-2009

I can only echo what others have said, your sister needs to stand on her 2 feet, your parents are pensioners, why should they throw away their savings over your sisters reckless spending? its her and her husbands mess, let them sort it, and they have good salaries and no childcare costs! They should be looking after your parents, not the other way around. Point her in the direction of CAB etc because if your dad bails her out this time, he will be doing it time and time again.

gauly

notakid wrote: »

They have approached my parents to loan the money of 38,000. My parents are happy to give the money and I'm behind the idea too as I love my sister and don't want her to suffer.

I just don't see your sister's problem at all here - and certainly don't think she is suffering!! She has £38k debt, £2k owed to parents and £77k on a mortgage for a total of £117k. That's more debt than I would be happy having, but certainly isn't unmanagable on a salary of £60k a year (with no childcare costs and presumably both working so not much going in top rate tax).

If they put their minds to it they could pay back £10k a year without even having to live a frugal lifestyle. I can't see why she would qualify for a debt managemant plan or IVA since she has more than enough income to cover her debt payments. Her net income even after paying her debts must be plenty to live on - if I were your parents I would just ignore her request.