Advice needed, son has invited his Dad to his wedding

Any

euronorris wrote: »

I'd hope she'd tell her Dad that he could either come, and deal with it, or miss out. After all, who is he to impose such things on anyone else?!

My friend's step-mum is like this, and she hates me. She told my friend that if I am at her wedding, she won't go. So my friend said 'Fine, you'll be missing out then, as Euro is definitely coming.'. But, they have a tense relationship anyway, so my friend doesn't feel like she'll be missing out on anything.

I agree.
I was once confronted with this, fortunately not by my own mother who knows better then this (she also considered taking that line...).
It was my OH's friend who just split with his girlfriend and I invited his ex separately, as she is my friend and this bloke was a pig to her anyway.

Funnily, he ended up going anyway, because everyone else did and he was too affraid he will miss out on some fun! He is a numpty, anyway...:rotfl:

pimento

SueC wrote: »

Oh I do hope not.... wouldn't it be dreadful if they both turned up in the same frock....!

Yeah, OK, but you know what I mean.

Make too much effort and it will look like you're making too much effort.

belfastgirl23

The reason to look good is that you feel more confident when you look good. But TBH I don't think your ex being there has anything to do with it, you're going to want to look good for your boy and for the wedding photos in any case.

The others are right about setting the tone, you will have to do things with this man for the rest of your life. There will be christenings, birthday parties, maybe more weddings. You need to think about your son first, that will make it a lot easier to put aside your concerns. If you focus on 'what would make the day the best it can be for him' then you won't put a foot wrong. If your ex does, then he does. You can't control that.

And you don't need to say anything to him about what you've achieved with your son. He will know. Please don't get into any of this sniping, it's not good for anyone.

Good luck

euronorris

Any wrote: »

I agree.
I was once confronted with this, fortunately not by my own mother who knows better then this (she also considered taking that line...).
It was my OH's friend who just split with his girlfriend and I invited his ex separately, as she is my friend and this bloke was a pig to her anyway.

Funnily, he ended up going anyway, because everyone else did and he was too affraid he will miss out on some fun! He is a numpty, anyway...:rotfl:

Her step-mum hates because, when she was bad mouthing my friend in front of me, I replied 'Oh no, xxxx's a lovely person.'. She then told me that she knew her better than me, so I said ok, and left it at that. I didn't think anything more of it.

Next time, she saw me though, she let me know just how angry she was with me. Wouldn't tell me the reason why either, as apparantly, I should know what I did! I only know because my friend told me.

Everytime my name is mentioned since then, she either starts an argument with my friend, or hangs up the phone on her. That was 4, nearly 5 years ago!!!

I feel sorry for her. The only one who is bothered by it, is her, and it's ruining what precious little relationship she had with my friend.

Lyger

This day will not be about you or your ex. This day will be all about your DS and the person he's marrying. Try and hold that in the forefront of your mind.

By all means, dress up for the extra confidence, and be proud of your son on his special day.

Just whatever you do, *don't* make it about your past failed relationship. I appreciate the circumstances obviously sucked, and there is a huge potential for a tense situation - but you need to walk away from that. It's water under the bridge.

Enjoy your sons special day. Smile! Be proud! And if you do end up face to face with your ex, so what? You don't have to spend the entire event with your ex. Just walk away to the other end of the room if it starts feeling uncomfortable. Go and mingle. No fuss, no drama. Your son will appreciate it!

Congratulations to your son, by the way!

make_me_wise

January20 wrote: »

This thread is making me quite sad because I wonder what my poor dd will do if she gets married as if she invites her father, he will insist that I am not invited! That's what he did at his brother's wedding: wouldn't turn up if I was there so dd and I were uninvited! (I have not attended funerals in the past because I know it will upset him!)

OP, I can only repeat the advice given above, and say that I have a funny feeling that you are building it all up in your head and on the day it will be really fine.

:eek::eek::eek:

Cor he sounds like a right a*s*h*l*.

I would think she will say 'Dad I would not consider getting married without my lovely mum being there. I really want you both at my wedding. If you insist on this you will have to stay away yourself and miss out on walking me down the aisle'.

Ball well and truly in his court then isn't it.

abacus73

webitha wrote: »

oh sooo true, i am going to a wedding in 2 weeks where my first love will also be a guest, and ive dropped half a stone and doing zumba every day, just so in my head, i can say " ner ner look what you threw away, see you may have destroyed me then, but i have bounced back, better than ever...your loss, loser", he actually laughed at me, when i put on 3 stone and was a wreck.

see a recent photo of him and yes he is fatter a lot fatter and bald :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

my best revenge though is my happiness, knowing he is in a loveless marriage, whereas i am fantastically happy with my OH of 8 years


(bitter?? moi???) :)

Blimey your ex did a number on you didn't he. You sound terribly shaken by this guy and insecure to even think what I have highlighted above.

Its not how we look that counts but how we are. Im glad you are happy and in a fantastic new relationship now.

Person_one

pimento wrote: »

Yeah, OK, but you know what I mean.

Make too much effort and it will look like you're making too much effort.

She'll be mother of the groom! As long as she's not in a big white dress with a train there's not really any such thing as too much effort! Gorgeous dress, big hat, expensive shoes, hair and make up done, these are all standard for this occasion so won't at all look like 'making too much effort'.

JBD

It depends on how grand or formal the wedding is. If it is more relaxed and casual [as my wedding was] it would look a bit odd if she is overdressed. I'm sure she would want to look her best at her son's wedding whether her ex is there or not.

minerva_windsong

When you say 'invited', do you just mean that your son's asked his dad to come to the wedding? Or has his dad actually said that he's coming?

If it's stil in the 'been invited but hasn't replied yet' stage, then I'm of the view to cross that bridge when you come to it - after all, there's a possibility he might say no and then you wouldn't have the worry. If he does say yes, then I agree with those who said to smile, be polite and civil and friendly, but don't make a big deal of it.

My boyfriend's parents are divorced and it wasn't a particularly amicable split, but when his brother got married they sat at the top table and were able to get through that couple of hours for the sake of the family. Even if you are on the top table together you can always move round after a meal.