Advice needed, son has invited his Dad to his wedding

Person_one

pigpen wrote: »

He might not even turn up.. he might be too scared to face you after being a !!!!!!.

If he does so what... you have a lovely handsome son you have raised without his input and he will be able to see that Everything you have done for your son is reflected in who he is and this twit of a man can say he contributed nothing but a bit of body fluid...

Hold your head high, dress to kill and above all... gloat LOUDLY inside your head.. I would make a point of going over and saying.. isn't DS amazing? He turned out so wonderful in spite of everything.. I am so proud of him!'

People say you only have to put up with the ex until your children are grown, but that is totally wrong, you never get rid.. you see them at weddings, you share grandchildren so birthday parties and baptisms.. then there are the family funerals... you are never truly free of them so accept if he does come it may be the first sighting of many over the coming years!

No no no no! Don't do anything that the ex can complain about afterwards! Be beyond reproach, the perfect picture of grace and composure, be the bigger person, because you are!

Mainly though, enjoy the day. Its not every day you see your son get married and I suspect your pride and happiness at that will far far outweigh any negative feelings about your ex. I've been to two weddings recently where absent fathers were guests, they both sat sheepishly and quietly while the mums and stepdads enjoyed a lovely day with their families and didn't pay a blind bit of notice beyond basic courtesy and manners. The difference was clear.

Pigpen's last paragraph is very true though. Set the tone now for future interactions, because there will be more.

3v3

Raksha wrote: »

The problem is, we split up 19 years ago, I've not seen him for more than 15 years (he started letting his son down re weekends etc, so son told him to come back when he'd grown up), but I'm worried how I'm going to deal with seeing him again (he divorced me, it left me devestated). i've been with my OH for 18 years, and we have 2 teenage sons, but it's the old 'first love' thing.......

You will be fine And you will probably look at him now and wonder, "what on earth did I see in you?"

You can also reassure yourself by remembering that he is going to be feeling just as nervous.

As parents, you're both entitled to enjoy the moment that your son gets married and that the day is all about them

make_me_wise

Bridesmaid83 wrote: »

and above all the advice already given...make sure you look as hot as possible!!! nothing beats looking hot infront of an ex

I've never understood that. Look hot for yourself and the one you are with. Who cares what an ex thinks of you, if you care you have an infiriority complex and something to prove.

make_me_wise

Person_one wrote: »

No no no no! Don't do anything that the ex can complain about afterwards! Be beyond reproach, the perfect picture of grace and composure, be the bigger person, because you are!

Absolutely agree with this. Being smug and sanctimonious with an ex always backfires and makes you look petty.

newcook

Most people I know still hold a candle for their first love – doesn’t mean that they still love them or would ever take them back just that they were a person that they shared many special ‘firsts’ with and those memories will always be there.

It may be that your ex has changed so much over the years that you wont even recognize him! Or if you do just smile, be polite, be yourself and don’t forget to introduce him to your husband!

make_me_wise

newcook wrote: »

Most people I know still hold a candle for their first love

Sort of. I hold a lighter for mine. If he ever ends up on top of a bonfire Id quite happily light it

supermezzo

Maybe have a chat to your son about it and tell him that you're wondering if maybe a coffee/drink beforehand might be a good idea? Keep your son involved in what the plans are, after all he knows your ex better than you do now and is better served to tell you what the reaction to that suggestion might be etc
That's the sensible suggestion - the other good thing about that is it makes you look the bigger person if the ex won't meet up, gets silly etc
Oh and yes, for your own sake, make sure that you look and feel great and self-assured. Wear something classy and that you know suits you and are confident in. No point wearing 6 inch heels if you fall flat on your face in front of the ex, no matter how good they make your legs look.

cyclingyorkie

i went to a wedding where the brides parents were divorced - her father walked her up the aisle, but left after the church as relations were still so bad he couldn't come to the reception!

Don't think it's been much better since - christening/birthday parties either..

So be proud, hold your head up high and smile! Enjoy the day - everyone will know that your son hasn't seen much of his dad - so the day may be very hard for him - but hey you reap what you sow.

And why not talk to DS about it? What does he feel - does he think his dad will come?

And Pigpen is right - as usual - this will happen again - births, christenings, birthdays - if you get it right now ( so maybe meeting before isn't a bad idea if you think it would help) it will make all those other occasions much easier..

relic

Raksha wrote: »

The problem is, we split up 19 years ago, I've not seen him for more than 15 years (he started letting his son down re weekends etc, so son told him to come back when he'd grown up), but I'm worried how I'm going to deal with seeing him again (he divorced me, it left me devestated). i've been with my OH for 18 years, and we have 2 teenage sons, but it's the old 'first love' thing.......

No such thing as first love, I soon realised that after my first real relationship, it's all a mirage!

gratefulforhelp_2

pigpen wrote: »

People say you only have to put up with the ex until your children are grown, but that is totally wrong, you never get rid.. you see them at weddings, you share grandchildren so birthday parties and baptisms.. then there are the family funerals... you are never truly free of them so accept if he does come it may be the first sighting of many over the coming years!

depressing thought.

make_me_wise wrote: »

newcook wrote: »

Most people I know still hold a candle for their first love

Sort of. I hold a lighter for mine. If he ever ends up on top of a bonfire Id quite happily light it

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

They do say looking good is the best revenge, but he needs to be able to see you for that;)