Advice needed, son has invited his Dad to his wedding

skylight

Don't forget the important bit - to go on a diet and get yourself down the gym before you buy a knock out dress for the day!

DUTR

Raksha wrote: »

The problem is, we split up 19 years ago, I've not seen him for more than 15 years (he started letting his son down re weekends etc, so son told him to come back when he'd grown up), but I'm worried how I'm going to deal with seeing him again (he divorced me, it left me devestated). i've been with my OH for 18 years, and we have 2 teenage sons, but it's the old 'first love' thing.......

As someone else mentioned, you are in another relationship now and a long stable one at that too, that does not detract from how you feel when you are in the same company as each other, but remember in 19yrs both have you would have changed both mentally and physically, or is the worry more that he may have a more attractive new Mrs?
Enjoy the wedding ceremony first and foremost .

belfastgirl23

For your son's sake could you suggest meeting up for a coffee before the wedding? It would mean that the awkward first time would be over with which would really be a relief for everyone, probably him included. One way or another though, don't make this the thing that your son remembers most about his big day. I'm sure the breakup was hard for everyone, him included. You want his wedding to be full of joy, not full of awkwardness.

make_me_wise

Raksha wrote: »

The problem is, we split up 19 years ago, I've not seen him for more than 15 years (he started letting his son down re weekends etc, so son told him to come back when he'd grown up), but I'm worried how I'm going to deal with seeing him again (he divorced me, it left me devestated). i've been with my OH for 18 years, and we have 2 teenage sons, but it's the old 'first love' thing.......

I would have thought seeing as he divorced you and left you devestated that you would be worried at seeing this ex in case it bought back feelings of pain and upset.

I do get the feeling you are approaching this as 'how do I cope seeing my first love, what feelings/emotions may it stir up?' Considering you have been with your current OH for 18 years and have 2 more kids by him aren't you completely over the ex now.

I think it shows what a lovely guy your son is, that despite how his dad let him down whilst he was growing up, he is mature enough to want him to be at his wedding. It is a day most of us hope will happen once and all the important people should be with us. It may lead to them rebuilding their relationship and being a positive part of each others lives from now on.

What are your main concerns? How contact with your sons dad will effect him or you?

purplegirluk1

Hugs to you. My sister was in a similar situation recently, she worried about it over the build up to the wedding but on the day it was all fine. They were both nervous but by the end of the day they had chatted, as had relatives from either said that hadn't seen each other in a long time. Meeting up before hand may be more awkward, at least at the wedding there will be plenty of other people around to take your mind off it. Good luck :-)

ellay864

McKneff wrote: »

He may be be fat and bald with bad teeth............................

Then what will you think.............

:rotfl::rotfl: A few years back before I'd met my OH I was with a friend going to meet my ex to collect boys. Due to work etc we met at a layby and he was already there when we pulled up behind him. As he went to get something out the boot my friend just commented on how much bigger his bald patch had gone and how he looked unhealthily skinny and depressed - made me feel so much better

LJM

you have another family now as others say smile then walk away you dont have to talk to him and its only for a few hours

puddy

what you need to focus on is that he will feel more nervous than you and sheepish and guilty because he was the big let down. thats what you need to remember

pigpen

He might not even turn up.. he might be too scared to face you after being a !!!!!!.

If he does so what... you have a lovely handsome son you have raised without his input and he will be able to see that Everything you have done for your son is reflected in who he is and this twit of a man can say he contributed nothing but a bit of body fluid...

Hold your head high, dress to kill and above all... gloat LOUDLY inside your head.. I would make a point of going over and saying.. isn't DS amazing? He turned out so wonderful in spite of everything.. I am so proud of him!'

People say you only have to put up with the ex until your children are grown, but that is totally wrong, you never get rid.. you see them at weddings, you share grandchildren so birthday parties and baptisms.. then there are the family funerals... you are never truly free of them so accept if he does come it may be the first sighting of many over the coming years!

Bridesmaid83

and above all the advice already given...make sure you look as hot as possible!!! nothing beats looking hot infront of an ex