Anyone feel sad because their kids are growing up?

NearlyHadEnough

This might seem a strange question but I am feeling terribly down today and I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

My youngest child is 14 this week. She's a lovely girl and I adore her. I was watching a TV program last night where they showed video clips of a girl growing up and I suddenly felt enormously sad because we stopped using our camcorder years ago. We have very little of my daughter over about the age of 1.

I can't quite get my head around this and I now bitterly regret not just buying another one (the old one broke). I would love to be able to look back at videos of the children as they were growing up, jumping in and out of paddling pools, birthdays, christmasses. And I can't, and it's all my fault.

I feel like I'm grieving. I don't know if I'm grieving because my children are growing up or if I'm grieving because we have so few videos of them. I feel like such a failure and I've been crying on and off all day. I don't know what to do with myself.

I have other issues going on in my life at the moment and I suppose it's possible that I'm just feeling low at the moment. I feel that I'm blowing the video thing out of all proportion but I feel I've let the children down because they will not be able to see themselves when they were children.

Did anyone else out there go through feelings of loss when their kids grew up? And how do you deal with feelings of regret over something you can do absolutely nothing about?

Thanks for listening.

Memory_Girl

Every time when I look at them playing.

Now I try to organise my life a little more consciously - plan more great memory's. Have yu thought about the marble exercise?

http://itcanbesimpler.com/2011/06/time-is-fleeting/

MG

RAS

The most important videos are the ones inside your head. You share treasured memories. Spend some time talking about them with your children.

rachelhen

I think that is a beautiful idea. My childrenhave left home now and their father is dead so I have no one who remembers them being born etc and sometimes it makes me feel very very sad. I do have lots of memories. What I may do is start a marble thingy which won't be every weekend but instead every time I spend time with them I keep a diary and have done for a long time so will keep a separate one to write in the occassion and what we did - talked about etc.

balletshoes

I have never owned a camcorder, but I've always had a camera and I have loads and loads of photos of my DD as she's grown.

OP I do think if other things are worrying you just now, thinking about how your little girl isn't little anymore could be the straw breaking your back at the moment.

I know how you feel, my ideal age for my DD would be about 6 or 7 - but we can't arrest their development, it sounds like you have a lovely daughter your can be proud of, enjoy her and the many years you have together, she'll always be your little girl .

Ada_Doom

Its very bittersweet them growing up, isn't it? A while ago I was talking to a group of other mums and they were saying that they all had little momento boxes with their kids first tooth, babygro and stuff like that in. I felt really bad, as I have never done anything like that. I am not very sentimental over objects and so never thought of doing it. But I felt like a bad mother, although only for a bit. As someone else has said, I have lovely memories and photos.

I would add that my dear Mam died two months ago, and my unsentimentality meant I had not kept any cards she sent me, which I now bitterly regret. I would love to have some of her writing still.

pigpen

My DD2 is 14 today.. and she was born in.. ooh... 2 minutes ago.. I was meant to be at my friends wedding. We had moved house 6 days previous.. She was 4lb 9 and 6 weeks prem.

She has grown so fast and is now a beautiful young woman (almost )

Enjoy them as they are now.. and be glad for who they have become because you have transformed them from that pink squealing mass to the person they are today.. everything they are comes from you... how proud are you?

My oldest is to be a dad in March.. another bit of me coming into the world.. that is our legacy as mums.. to mould our children into adults we can be proud of who can pass their love and the skills we have taught hem to their children.

Don't be sad.. be happy.. your DD sounds a credit to you.

CH27

I think you are probably feeling sadder as you have so much to deal with at the moment.

Go to your GP & ask for some help.

My son is 16 & I feel amixture of sadness that he doesn't need me as much & joy as I watch him spread his wings.

January20

My dd, my one and only child, is 18 and will be off to university in September (if all goes according to plan). She will be a 6 hour drive away from me. We have been together, just the 2 of us, for 11 years. I fleet between feelings of extreme sadness, near panic as I think of her going away, so far away and feelings of joy and freedom as for most of the year I will be a single woman with no other responsibility but herself!

I think in my situation those feelings are normal, but your child is 14 and it's a little concerning that you are feeling sad so I agree with CH27: go and see your GP.

ETA: I have no videos of her, and past the age of 12 she didn't want her photo taken, so no decent photos after that!

affordmylife

yes yes and yes.

i cant believe where the time went. last time i looked my son was about 12. he will be 18 in september. my darling boy is a young man.

my sweet baby girl is almost 12. she is the last.

the others are 20 21 and 22. i miss everything about having them all at home. even washing and folding millions of pairs of socks and cooking for england. id do it all again in a heartbeat.

so yes i do understand and feel the same xx

Gillyx

I was on my own with my dad for a good few years and I moved out about 2 months ago, to a totally different country. I don't know who was more upset me or him!

I remember the last night before I went we were both sat on the sofa and neither of us could hold back our tears, I've never seen my dad cry, in almost 23 years.

You will always have the memories of their whole childhood. Even now I'm going back to visit him this week and I'm almost wetting myself with excitement.

I like to think even though he's sad I'm not with him anymore, he's proud of me and how I'm advancing with life. I've got some very good news for him this week, or at least I hope it is