MSE Parent Club

[Deleted User]

We are having sleeping problems too. Our lad is going to put down to sleep at 7pm but he wakes anywhere between 10.30 and midnight for a feed, then between 4-5.30am. We can't get him to drop either. We tried the controlled crying with him one night and he screamed from 3-5am, in the end we decided he would have to be hungry by now even though he couldn't have been when he started, and gave him a bottle. He only took 3oz. At his 5.30am feed this morning he took 3.5oz, but at midnight when he woke he took the full 7oz. I've tried 3 hrly and 4 hrly feeds during the day and can't notice a different.

I'm starting to feel like a failure, our son is 17 weeks, soon to be 18. Its a real nightmare.

We have managed to get Jack into a night routine, but the days are a bit adhoc still. I have a baby that isn't a good napper and gets grumpy as if its my fault!! He will only ever nap for 45 mins at the most. I've tried downstairs, sleeping in his cot, sleeping in the pram in the garden. But he won't go past 45 mins once or twice a day if i'm lucky!

Yesterday evening's routine was a little stressful for me, I can't cope well with hysterical crying. He bathed, bottled and fed ok, got sleepy, but the winding bit woke him up, so when I put him in his cot, he was wide eyed again. I said goodnight, gave him a kiss, turned on his night CD and left the room. Within a few mins he was crying, I left him, then the volume went up a lot. After 10 mins I went back up, didn't speak to him but picked him up to calm him down and pat his back. Then I put him back and left the room. I turned off the monitor downstairs, as I knew that the crying I was going to hear would make me cry. By 7.25pm I was getting to the point of caving in and getting him, even though I knew that would be the wrong thing to do, but the crying started to lesten and eventually he got himself to sleep. I heard on and off until 8pm, but by quarter past it all went quiet.
Yet other nights he can whinge for 5 mins and be asleep, he's never predicatable. I need to toughen up, but the hysterical crying really gets to me, especially when I'm on my own and DH wasn't home till 10pm last night.

I am getting to the point of feeling quite down about it, I am raising a child that thinks he is the boss and neither DH or I want that, but we are running out of ideas to change things.

It hasn't helped that I was forgotten about with postnatal groups twice. I am now joining a group with 2 month olds in, whilst I have a 4 month old. I feel annoyed about that as I kept asking when is my group going to start. There is a lot of difference developmentally between a 2 and 4 month old. We have certainly noticed him advancing in the last 2-3 weeks. I knew we'd been forgotten about when I got chatting to a lady on the street and her baby was 4 days younger than mine and she'd already had her group.

I do feel isolated, I don't know that many people with babies my son's age and I wonder if that's why we are having night problems with him. During the day he is usually a happy chappy.

Sorry about the long whinge, I think I needed that!!

Bay

Penry

Just wanted to send my sympathies to Bailey as you sound really down. I have no advice as my DD is 10 months and no where near sleeping through the night. I've not been worrying about it that much to be honest until reading this thread and hearing about all the tinies sleeping through! Good luck if you try Controlled Crying again but try not to beat yourself up. You are doing a great job and your little one will not turn out to be a spoilt brat just because you are still feeding them at night.

purplepatch

Bailey, my DD2 is errr, somewhere around the 20 weeks mark - have lost track!:rolleyes: She slept through for a few weeks at around 8 weeks, but is now pretty much waking every night for a feed. I just get up and get it over with - can't be bothered with letting her cry and disturbing DD1 and DH. During the day she catnaps, also about 45 mins tops and a lot of the time yells for attention which drives me slightly insane, but I just leave her to do it - it isn't crying though, more like shouting very loudly!! I figure it doesn't do her any harm to be ignored for a while so I can get on and do stuff. DD1 was total opposite, slept through from early and hardly ever cried. So it's a bit of a shock to the system. Try not to stress about it - I know easier said than done, but each phase passes and they do sleep through the night in time, same as all these trying little things that come and go. Hang on in there

andycarmi

Deleted_User wrote: »

We are having sleeping problems too. Our lad is going to put down to sleep at 7pm but he wakes anywhere between 10.30 and midnight for a feed, then between 4-5.30am. We can't get him to drop either. We tried the controlled crying with him one night and he screamed from 3-5am, in the end we decided he would have to be hungry by now even though he couldn't have been when he started, and gave him a bottle. He only took 3oz. At his 5.30am feed this morning he took 3.5oz, but at midnight when he woke he took the full 7oz. I've tried 3 hrly and 4 hrly feeds during the day and can't notice a different.

I'm starting to feel like a failure, our son is 17 weeks, soon to be 18. Its a real nightmare.

We have managed to get Jack into a night routine, but the days are a bit adhoc still. I have a baby that isn't a good napper and gets grumpy as if its my fault!! He will only ever nap for 45 mins at the most. I've tried downstairs, sleeping in his cot, sleeping in the pram in the garden. But he won't go past 45 mins once or twice a day if i'm lucky!

Yesterday evening's routine was a little stressful for me, I can't cope well with hysterical crying. He bathed, bottled and fed ok, got sleepy, but the winding bit woke him up, so when I put him in his cot, he was wide eyed again. I said goodnight, gave him a kiss, turned on his night CD and left the room. Within a few mins he was crying, I left him, then the volume went up a lot. After 10 mins I went back up, didn't speak to him but picked him up to calm him down and pat his back. Then I put him back and left the room. I turned off the monitor downstairs, as I knew that the crying I was going to hear would make me cry. By 7.25pm I was getting to the point of caving in and getting him, even though I knew that would be the wrong thing to do, but the crying started to lesten and eventually he got himself to sleep. I heard on and off until 8pm, but by quarter past it all went quiet.
Yet other nights he can whinge for 5 mins and be asleep, he's never predicatable. I need to toughen up, but the hysterical crying really gets to me, especially when I'm on my own and DH wasn't home till 10pm last night.

I am getting to the point of feeling quite down about it, I am raising a child that thinks he is the boss and neither DH or I want that, but we are running out of ideas to change things.

It hasn't helped that I was forgotten about with postnatal groups twice. I am now joining a group with 2 month olds in, whilst I have a 4 month old. I feel annoyed about that as I kept asking when is my group going to start. There is a lot of difference developmentally between a 2 and 4 month old. We have certainly noticed him advancing in the last 2-3 weeks. I knew we'd been forgotten about when I got chatting to a lady on the street and her baby was 4 days younger than mine and she'd already had her group.

I do feel isolated, I don't know that many people with babies my son's age and I wonder if that's why we are having night problems with him. During the day he is usually a happy chappy.

Sorry about the long whinge, I think I needed that!!

Bay

Oh Honey you sound like a super Mum (((((((hugs))))))
What about meet a Mum? http://www.netmums.com/lc/meetamum.php
Where abouts do you live? It's so hard when your tired. Could it be teething, DD had her teeth coming thro at 13 weeks. xx

[Deleted User]

Thanks for the link, i'll hvae a look at that. I live in East Sussex.

It might be teething, he's been dribbling excessivly for weeks and knaws his fist quite a lot. I give him baby bongela, but its hard to know if its gone on the gums or he's just swallowed it, esp when he screws up his face in disgust! I tasted it, its bananary.

Maybe i'll just perservere with the night feeds and gradually reduce the ratio of milk to water on the second one as often he only takes a bit and then gets sleepy again.

Thank you all for your replies, it really helps.

[Deleted User]

andycarmi, thanks for the link, i've been onto the site and replied to someone and posted my own, so i'll see what happens. I didn't even know it existed, what a great idea.

Big thanks.

andycarmi

BAILLEY 17 weeks is a common time for a growth spurt, this could be a reason for his waking at night and grumpy mood?? I BF my LO but I remember friends saying they moved their LO onto the next stage milk at 17weeks as it was more filling. Worth having a look into

My LO never slept much in the day either, people were always telling me to get some sleep in the day when she sleeps but 3 twenty mins sleeps I never got chance. :rolleyes: She is 6 and a half moths now and has two twenty mins sleep.

As for running out of ideas I tried to stick with one that I was happy with and tried that for a while if I kept changing tactic LO never got into a routine. You just need to find a routine that fits in to your family.

Please don't thinks its your fault because you sound like a fab Mum and your doing your very best for your LO and he LOVES YOU. What you have said all sounds familiar to me and other Mums will be thinking the same. Your doing a super job, chin up. x

caseystar

Sorry no advice, but your trying your best so please don't beat yourself up. My DS is almost 3 and still wakes up most nights and my DD is 5 and she still has the occasional night. Just big hugs to you and it will get better. xx

cha97michelle

Deleted_User wrote: »

It might be teething, he's been dribbling excessivly for weeks and knaws his fist quite a lot. I give him baby bongela, but its hard to know if its gone on the gums or he's just swallowed it, esp when he screws up his face in disgust! I tasted it, its bananary.

I'm really feeling it for you. I have had periods of feeling exactly the same.

I just wanted to say 2 things - if it is breaking your heart to leave him crying, then don't do it. It won't actually hurt him to have a bit of a cuddle. I tried getting my baby to sleep through by doing that and it didn't work. In the end, i think it depends on how much they weigh and how much food they take.

Secondly, i just wanted to suggest something called a gummy dummy that tommy tippee do. It's basically a gum shield shape, and has a groove to stick teething gel on so you know it gets to the right spot, and costs about £3. I have to hold it in his mouth to chew, but it works for us.

Lu_T

:grouphug: Oh Bailey! I hope you're feeling a little better.

Imogen is 12 weeks now and not near sleeping through, and there's a baby in my class who is 18 weeks and can wake 3 times a night! They're all different. I agree with andycarmi, just find something you're happy with and stick with it.

Also, have you tried the technique where you go in when they're crying, pick them up until they've stopped then put them down, but without speaking? I think the first few times you do it you could be up there every 5 mins, but if he's crying to know you're there this might be the reassurance he needs. Obviously doing this at 3am will be a complete nightmare, but if you do it consistently when he's going down in the evenings it might break the pattern?

Why don't you just ask to join the group with the 4-month olds in? I presume they aren't classes so you'll miss out if you do. At least then you'd be able to see other babies at the same stage and - more importantly - speak to other mums.

Or you could just try hanging around at the park/supermarket/nursery gates until you spot someone with a similar aged child and then stalk them...

Big hugs. You're a great mum, believe it! And he does love you, lots and lots.